C’mon Cass!
This actually reminds me of myself, having internalised this girly position and trying to make it all “I like it!! really!” and that’s all.
I think I did that for a long time cos it’s fucking depressing to think of the reality of the whole thing.
Well, irrespective of your feelings, that’s not all there is to it. (I mean think of the history of the feminine aesthetic, and where it’s all coming from today and the beauty/fashion/etc business) And read again Silvana’s post.

I, too, “like” performing femininity, I would say genuinely, even. But still, I see where it’s all coming from and realise that much of my liking femininity is because society, on many levels, rewards me for doing it!

However, I would also write some words of caution. Absolutely by no means do I deny that many women (and men, let’s not forget) perform a role they consider to be desired by society/men/women, etc. I myself struggle with depression stemming from never feeling “enough”–pretty enough, thin enough, talented enough, kind enough, considerate enough, the list goes on. Often I strive to portray an image of myself to the world perfectly tailored to fit society’s mold. Of course, I will never achieve this, as I am 5’2″, 170 pounds. Even now typing, I automatically began to justify the reasons for my weight (uncontrollable health reasons, back problems, etc), which simply further proves how deeply I’ve embodied the prejudices of society.

That being said, though, I am a very self-aware person, and I know the difference between attributes that are me and those which I have imposed upon myself. The perfect woman in my society is the perfect mother, perfect cook, perfect dresser, wears perfectly applied makeup, perfect student, and loves sex (but of course not too much). Well I love children, I love cooking, I enjoy dressing well, I like experimenting with different ways of decorating my face, I love my studies and learning, and I certainly love having sex with my boyfriend. From the outsider who doesn’t know me and hasn’t talked to me, it would look like I was putting on a performance in assuming these traits. But that’s not true. I do these things because they are *me*, and I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.

Too often people who do actually enjoy aspects of what we call “femininity” are criticized for bowing down to men and merely performing for the outside world. But mothers who don’t want to miss their babies’ childhoods are very different than mothers who are forced to stay home by society’s strictures. Sex workers who work only for the money (for school, perhaps) are very different from those who see no problem with it and view it as another job, who in turn are very different from those who feel liberated from their community’s taboos on expressing sexuality, who in turn are different from those who are convinced that this is the only way that they will become a more perfect person.

Basically what I’m trying (successfully?) to say is that while generalizations do help in pointing out the iniquities of our society, it is a vast, vast fallacy to assume that merely because a group of people act in the same way that they necessarily have the same reasons for doing so.

http://bit.ly/aWQcE0

and

http://bit.ly/cyr4pi

(And what is the alternative to performance via fashion/appearance? Should we all choose the least ‘man-pleasing’ outfits? Ride the first wave far, far from our high heels?)

And as for that stripper, you paid 10 bucks for a performance. Trust me, she’s in on the joke. She’s not there to win husbands with her ‘primping,’ she’s there to make money, and she’s going to make a lot of it at $10/song. What she makes in three minutes I make in an HOUR.

JEN said, “I am concerned about the extra step of projecting humiliation on a person who may (or may not; we don’t know) feel empowered by her performance.”

And if she feels empowered, what then? The dancer’s feeling should be respected, certainly. But what if you feel that her profession is inherently coercive? It may not be enough that the sex worker *feel* good about sex work, if the profession is inherently coercive and harmful to its participants. I can’t claim to know that this is the case, but it’s this line of thought that keeps me generally uncertain how I feel about sex work. Circumstances definitely vary widely – and some are definitely coercive. Are they all? If not, which ones? Pretty sticky question. I don’t have the answer.