Once again, love me some tigerbeatdown.

Plus, perhaps it’s just me, but most of the actors don’t really seem into the sex act whatsoever, and I just can’t get off to people who are only getting off for a paycheck.

This is why pretty much 100% of the stuff that I view and read involves drawn characters or written fictional people. And the very few pieces of sexual writing that I’ve produced myself tend to have heterosexual sex scenes that play off of power in a more individual situation sort of way instead of relying on class or racial disparities.

And yes, I have some pretty problematic “desires”- but I’ve had a lot of these since before I ever looked at one pornographic image and had a very active and “creative” sexual fantasy life even as a young girl.

But watching real people be hit or choked or hurt in “gonzo” porn makes me ill. Even watching a short Disinformation special on it and watching the “non sexual” clips they included made me want to throw up.

Because in my head while it’s kind of hot to imagine some woman ENJOYING humiliating her husband (who is totally into it) by having sex with someone else in front of him, that dynamic really squicks me out when I see real people doing it. But in a story or in an h-manga, the reality of the story can stay in fantasy-land, while watching actors say the lines and go through the motions in a real-life video just makes me want to vomit-I can’t believe in it long enough to get remotely aroused.

I find it interesting that my husband can watch things like “Backdoor sluts 9″ or whatever and be ok with jerking off to it, but in our own sex life he’s really subdued and would hardly ever want to try anything new or talk about what he would be interested in doing (I secretly wonder if it’s because it would be severely disrespectful and he respects me too much to act it out IRL). Whereas I’m very open about my various fetishy things and even though he’s expressed some discomfort in saying certain things during sex, he sometimes will do it because he knows that it turns me on in a crazy awesome sort of way.

Sometimes I wonder if I just fail at having a truly “feminist” sex life, though.

The context is too screwed up; I don’t believe porn can be redeemed in this country (world even). The systemic failures do not and could not allow for the proper conditions to have sex positive/feminist porn.

My (now ex-)employer had several doctors who would not proceed with surgery until the patient’s family members had been brought in to discuss the preop and postop procedures, expectations, etc. I found that offensive in the extreme – I am 43 years old, I don’t need my mommy’s permission to have surgery and in fact I prefer to keep my family at arm’s length from my medical issues to the greatest extent possible. But it would definitely be nice to have someone present as an advocate for me when I am unable to advocate for myself. The OR staff might still make unkind remarks about my physique amongst themselves after the procedure, but at least with an advocate in the room I wouldn’t need to worry about inappropriate touching, exposure, or being an object of immediate and direct ridicule.

It’s never made sense to me how the same doctor can refuse to perform a surgery until you’ve hauled in your spouse, parents, kids, or whoever (and some of the doctors in the group I was recently laid off from would, and DID, refuse surgery for people who didn’t feel it was any of their family’s business whether or not they had a knee replacement or a ligament reconstruction), but that SAME doctor would be appalled and scornful, and absolutely unyielding, if you asked to have an advocate (friend, family, or professional stranger) in the surgical suite during the procedure.

We live under patriarchy. This tends to produce media that reflects patriarchal norms. This is even more true in media, like porn, that focuses on sex and gender relations (and that caters to an audience that is mostly (at best) uninterested in feminism). Misogyny will always be a problematic issue under these conditions.

We live under capitalism. It forces people to do a lot of things that they don’t want to in order to survive. This is even more true in industries, like porn, that are marginal. Consent will always be a problematic issue under these conditions.

I like all kinsd of sex. I can enjoy individual pornographic works. But I don’t see how the industry as a whole will ever be feminist and reflective/productive of positive experiences until both patriarchy and capitalism are resolved.

Look, I’m unhappy with Obama for a number of reasons, chiefly the campaign promises the he has not fufilled (closing Guantanamo, getting the US out of Iraq and Afghanistan, ramping back the surveillance state, etc). But I think Obama’s problem is lack of political vision, not one of mean-spiritedness. Romney on the other hand seems to be nothing but a bundle of hate for everybody who’s not part of his very small in-group. Apparently, even pet dogs are outside that in-group.

The possibility of Romney becoming US president scares the crap out of me. And yet, I think that will happen, because the Democratic Party (it’s not just, or even mainly, Obama) refuses to present a strong moral vision in opposition to the hateful vision of the Republican Party and Mitt Romney.