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As one of the world’s leading self-appointed experts on Whether That Is Sexist (spoiler: it is) I am, of course, obligated to spend up to five minutes per day reading headlines and then becoming outraged over them. Then I write things with the phrase “taco farts” in them and post some YouTube clips, and so the world is saved!

Here, dear reader, are some things that have occurred recently, about which one should not make jokes, because that would be terribly insensitive and sexist. Prepare yourself for some somber reflection.

ITEM THE FIRST: Dad accused of selling girl into marriage for cash, beer.

The case started when a Greenfield father reported his 14-year-old daughter as a runaway on Jan. 2. Police now believe the father actually agreed to sell his daughter into marriage to an 18-year-old neighbor, and he wanted the police to help return the girl because he hadn’t been paid.

The agreed-upon price was $16,000 in cash, 150 cases of beer, 150 cases of soda, several cases of meat and two cases of wine.



No, I’m kidding. My dad totally would have held out for some Neil Young tickets. That’s how I know he loved me.

ITEM THE SECOND: 22-Year-Old’s Virginity Auction Bids Hit $3.7M

Natalie Dylan, a 22-year-old San Diego woman, said she got the idea for the auction after her sister was able to pay for her college education after prostituting herself for three weeks, according to the London Telegraph.

Dylan has a degree in women’s studies. She told the paper she hopes to pay for an advanced degree in family and marriage therapy with the proceeds from the auction.

WHETHER THAT IS SEXIST: It depends on what you feel about the roles of agency and choice? Or: the dudes might be sexist, but the lady might only be taking advantage of a world in which sexism is an undeniable factor? She might be colluding, or she might be playing the system, and I don’t really know the difference between those two, maybe there is none, but… oh, whatever. It totally is.

THINGS THAT WOULD BE INAPPROPRIATE TO SAY: When she finds out that this is the only way for a Women’s Studies major to make money in anything vaguely related to her studies, she’ll probably regret spending it on grad school.

ITEM THE THIRD: This thing:

WHETHER THAT IS SEXIST: The feminists are divided! Ann Bartow writes here thatObama can greatly advance the status of women during his Presidency, and I very much hope he will. But I don’t remember hearing Barack Obama describe himself as a feminist… symbolically looking to a male superhero to ‘rescue’ feminism? Very problematic imagery, in my view.” Oh, and also there is some stuff about Hillary in there. Megan Carpentier at Jezebel engages in the representation of diversity and the creation of healthy debate by sensitively writing that Ann Bartow has ugly panties.

THINGS THAT WOULD BE INAPPROPRIATE TO SAY: But wait! Doesn’t Barack Obama know that stripping is wrong? Stop objectifying yourself, Mr. President! There is another way!