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Monthly Archives: January 2009

Terrible Things to Do With Your Time

Well, well! It appears that I will have this particular weekend all to myself! There are so many ill-advised actions I could take within this two-day period. Which will I choose? 1) Comparing My Vagina to a Leathery Old Bag This is the path taken by Paris Hilton, who quoth: “I’ve only ever done it […]


Writing a book titled Snark: It’s Mean, It’s Personal, and It’s Ruining Our Conversation is like writing a book titled Keying My Car: It’s the Wrong Thing to Do, or Why Flaming Bags of Dog Poop on My Doorstep Just Aren’t Funny. Does anyone else get the sense that the people who are all, “jokes! […]

SCIENCE FACT: People Who Say "I’m Not Racist or Anything" Totally Racist!

Yes, it’s true: some people who claim not to be racist also tend to not do anything or get upset at all when they witness obvious acts of racism! Finally, a SCIENCE FACT that explains why people read Vice magazine (endorsed by Colt 45: “It’s Ironic that You Drink It, Because in Your Mind You […]

Don’t Let This Happen to You!

Ah, the true promise of metroblogging: coverage of the all-important “ladies determined to be skanks” beat, neatly divided by city for ease of reference. Gothamist has never devoted substantive attention to this issue; Gawker (not really about NYC any more! But, whatever) and Young Manhattanite touch on it only rarely. The exciting new web publication […]

Potential Harm to a Dog? Never Have I Seen a Tear-Jerking Plot Device Less Hackneyed!

Just when I was considering not slamming my face into the kitchen table over and over until I lost all memory of Wendy and Lucy, I read this:  The year’s most haunting soundtrack may be the six-bar theme (composed by Will Oldham) that Michelle Williams hums throughout this quiet marvel of a film from director […]

Moral Boundaries

Everybody has that one story: about September, and the planes, and where you were, and how scared you felt, and how you kept calling people to see who was and was not okay. My story is, like most of those, pretty standard. I remember being on the phone with an out-of-town friend and saying, “I’m […]

Neg: A Love Story

I remember, in my senior year of college, discussing Tess of the D’Urbervilles in what was, I now believe, the finest class of my college years. (“19th Century English Novels!” Partayyyyy!) I, of course, loved Tess, and wanted to converse for hours on end about its many fascinating points – so true! so relevant to […]