Tiger Beatdown

If there is one thing we, as a people, have learned from the election, it is this: women be shopping. Oh, and that conventionally attractive women are stupid sluts.

Oh, and also that competent, intelligent women who do not apologize for speaking in an authoritative manner are ugly bitches who should shut the fuck up already and get to cleaning.

So, yeah, it was totally Sarah Palin’s fault that McCain lost. Remember how she was solely responsible for choosing all of the mendacious and negative ads that caused McCain to lose the respect of a huge portion of the voting public? And how she had those three debates with Obama, and performed incredibly poorly at all of them? And how she “suspended” her campaign in a gimmick that all but the most gullible people recognized as a shallow attention-grabbing move unbefitting a serious and credible candidate? Oh, yeah, and there was that time that she said “the fundamentals of the economy were strong” right before the economy blew the fuck up in all of our faces. That really hurt the campaign.

To be fair, though, it’s also completely Hillary’s fault that Obama lost. Her refusal to leave the race after she won on Super Tuesday and had been projected to win it all for quite some time was so totally divisive. The fact that she endorsed him when he won and gave a speech on his behalf at the DNC was just super nasty and bitchy and totally showed her bitterness and unwillingness to recognize the legitimacy of his campaign. Let’s be honest here: Hillary Clinton campaigning for something she had been projected to win as if she actually wanted to win it, and only dropping out after it became clear that she could not win it, was completely the reason that the Democratic party was divided against itself and Obama did not win by a huge margin.

So, clearly, we don’t have a President now, which totally sucks. You know who ruined it for the two men in question? Fucking women. When men are elected, it is completely due to their own merits, and the reason that no woman has ever been elected to the Presidency or the Vice-Presidency of the United States is that no woman has ever been good enough. But, even though women aren’t smart or powerful enough to serve in those offices, they do have the magical power of completely derailing campaigns run by otherwise blameless men. We’ve come a long damn way.