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Monthly Archives: December 2008

So My Mom Was All, "Why Don’t You Come Home Any More?" And I Was All, MOTHERRRR…

… it is because Ohio is so hugely, cartoonishly fucked up!  COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) – An Ohio state employee whose job is to prevent discrimination repeatedly sent racist and sexist [and homophobic!] e-mails from his government account, an investigation found, but kept his job.  The same man was reprimanded a year ago for sending an [...]

111,111,117th Meeting of Sisterhood of Sluts, loc. in Foul Caves of Wantonry: Presentation Notes

My fellow sluts: for years, we have feared this day. Since time immemorial, we have practiced our dark arts in secrecy, confident that we could continue to drain the vital fluids of this world’s puny males while keeping our true natures hidden. To all appearances, we are human women, not foul succubi suckled at Lilith’s [...]

OK, I Know I Should Be Making Fun of This…

… but Number Eight is just really fucking hot. The rest of them are pretty grody (“I love your [fill in body part here]“), except for Number Six, which is totally understandable if the lady just spilled the burrito all over herself, which is of course what I would do. [30 Hottest Things to Say [...]

The Sad Ballad of Phyllis and Betty

You know, reader, when I want well-informed, thought-provoking, responsible essays on gender as it pertains to literature (or literature as it pertains to gender) there is one publication to which I turn: the New York Times Book Review. KIDDING! Ha ha ha, woo boy, sometimes I crack myself up. I read Bitch, of course, which [...]

A Marshmallow, A Twinkie

Sometimes I have this beautiful dream wherein my father is Steven Colbert and my mother is PJ Harvey and I am their loving child, Veronica Mars.  Veronica Mars! She is so great! She is played by Kristin Bell, who also happens to be The Voice of Gossip Girl, and while Gossip Girl is fun – [...]

All I Want for Christmas Is a Few New Dads

How much do I love these guys? Answer: very much. They are featured in this month’s New York Magazine, which I purchased in the hopes that it would continue to cover the “women! They get drunk now!” beat. (Women Who Drink are the new Women Who Don’t Always Wear Dresses, yall.) I was disappointed – [...]

Good Afternoon! I Am Your Fan.

In response to this comment thread, I have but three questions: 1: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE.2: WHY ARE YOU AWESOME.3: HOW CAN I GET KIDNAPPED. If I have omitted question marks from this series of questions, it is only to demonstrate that I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS YOU GUYS. Anyway! I think it is nice [...]

Tales of Overcompensation! Or: Ur So Hemingway

So, long ago and far away, in a mystical land known only as This Monday, I wound up having a conversation about Katy Perry’s landmark! first! single! “Ur So Gay” and its success or failure in identifying the telling signs of a certain sort of semi-hip urban male”effeminacy” that mostly consists of not being a [...]

Welcome to the 1st Annual Do Not Want Festival! Starring: Bush! Obama! And Caffeine!

So, does everyone remember that time that I needed emergency contraception when I was eighteen, and I asked for it at a local clinic, and the doctor told me that (a) according to her faith, it was a “form of abortion,” (b) that she therefore refused to give it to me, and (c) that I [...]

Dear Mr. President Barack H. “Stands for ‘Hope!’” Obama, What’s happening to us? You and I have been involved for about a year. I’d eyed you from afar at the DNC in ’04, and hoped that something might happen. Then there was that crazy, intense period last spring, when we were definitely doing something, but [...]