Tiger Beatdown

So, does everyone remember that time that I needed emergency contraception when I was eighteen, and I asked for it at a local clinic, and the doctor told me that (a) according to her faith, it was a “form of abortion,” (b) that she therefore refused to give it to me, and (c) that I “should have kept my legs together?”

What? No-one remembers that? That is just the horribly scarring incident that turned me into the frothingly sex-positive pro-choice militant that I am today? Well, darn.

The good news is that, even though it would have been possible to fire Dr. McJudgey for this behavior back in the day, starting today it is totally legal and she can do it to whomever she likes with zero repercussions! And by “the good news,” of course, I mean “the news that makes me want to staple my eyelids shut so that I do not have to see one more depressing piece of news today!”

Yes, George Bush has signed into effect “a sweeping new regulation that protects a broad range of health-care workers—from doctors to janitors—who refuse to participate in providing services that they believe violate their personal, moral or religious beliefs.” Meaning, basically, that if it is your doctor’s personal, moral belief that you are a scumbag who doesn’t deserve medical treatment, or that Tuesdays are “me time” days during which patients cannot be treated even if their heads will otherwise explode, you will end up with an exploded head and the hospital can lose its funding if it fires the doctor responsible. Not to worry, though: people’s heads don’t explode all that often, and there’s no real cultural weight on “me-time Tuesdays,” so the only people this will affect are women in need of contraception or abortions! Women like Eighteen-Year-Old-Me (hey there, lady! Your outfit is atrocious) and thousands if not millions of others every year! PHEW.

So, let’s sum up the day in Do Not Want:

(1) Doctors don’t have to be doctors any more.
(2) This dumbfuckery is still going on.
(3) They are taking the caffeine out of Sparks.

Now I can write all day about the first two items on the list. But about that last one, I can only say: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.