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Monthly Archives: December 2008

Jim Henson’s Racist Babies PRESENTS: Where Are They Now?

For those familiar with the littlest Hitler, Adolf H. Campbell, who seems to exemplify the absolute worst case scenario for every adorable child you have secretly wanted to rescue from his terrifying parents after observing them in a grocery store and just knowing that whatever’s going on there can’t be any good, the question of [...]

Articles Soon To Be Rejected by New Health & Wellness Website:

1. Yoga for people who are drunk all of the time. 2. Narcissism: personality disorder or Self-Esteem Plus? 3. Which natural herbal remedy can get you totally baked? (Hint: it’s not what you think.) (Hint: oh, okay, it is.) 4. Why all of my adult relationships are apparently modeled on this clip: (Oh, and I [...]

What Do Steven D. Levitt and Summer’s Eve Have In Common?

Answer: they are both douches. Today, as you may be aware, is the Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. In a culture where it’s cool to play a game that has a “fuck prostitute then beat her to get your money back” option (yeah, I know, you can kill anyone in GTA, and maybe [...]

SCIENCE FACT: People Who Take Dumb Things Seriously Maybe Kind of Dumb

In what is undoubtedly the most important and revelatory study of Scientific Matters released to date, “relationship experts” at an Edinburgh university have proclaimed that romantic comedies are guilty of – wait for it – “promoting unrealistic expectations when it comes to love.“ I know! I can hear your cries of shock and denial! But [...]

GREAT MOMENTS IN SMACK TALK Presents: I Say, Your Vagina Smells Atrocious!

FAIR WARNING: This post is dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. If your best interests are served by not reading my tasteless jokes about oral sex (ha, tasteless), or if you feel that hearing my thoughts on these matters could well scar you for life, please feel free to skip it. This will soon be followed by [...]

What Kind of Douches Drink In Midtown?: A Scientific Article

Ladies, gentlemen: pity the office workers of Lower Midtown. They report, every day, to one of the least interesting, most tourist-heavy sections of New York. They have been accidentally included in at least 5,000 digital photos of the Empire State building. They cannot walk for more than ten feet without encountering (a) an out-of-towner in [...]

Wait a Second…

WHAT. So, for those keeping track, that’s Marilyn, Jayne, and Betty (the most shameless, and therefore most lovable one – you’ve got to like a girl who can fondle a riding crop while smiling like she’s in a Sears family portrait) gone. It’s weird that people think of ’50s porn as cute, harmless “vintage erotica” [...]

Sense and Sensibility: It Is Not Everyone Who Has Your Passion For Dead Leaves

Anyone who takes it upon herself to write lady business book reviews must, sooner or later, file a piece on Jane Austen. (It is a truth universally acknowledged! Ha, NO.) Austen seems to be the ultimate Chick Writer: canonical, virtuosic, indisputably important in terms of both technique and influence, yet widely mocked or ignored outside [...]

If every second of our lives recurs an infinite number of times, we are nailed to eternity as Jesus Christ was nailed to the cross.

This? Again? Really? Well, now I need a drink. [Via.]

A Revolution Without Dancing

… Ugh. That’ll learn me not to Make Statements while I’m drunk. Seriously: the “calling in gay and/or Bjork” thing? I had meant to post something in support of it, and I also thought it was funny that when I told someone I missed work he said, “oh, you called in gay!” And then I [...]