So! I spoke to a gentleman recently. I was like, “hello! How are you? I, myself, am contemplating a blog post on Asher Roth.” And he was like, “Asher Roth? Really? Is this what we are doing now? Wasting our lives?” And I was like, “point taken! CLICK: DELETE POST.” Then we started talking about Robert Herrick (a Cavalier poet! Of the 17th century, I think! In, like, England!) and things got back to a not-stupid level. I think everyone was relieved.
I’ll hug, I’ll kiss, I’ll play,
And, cock-like, hens I’ll tread,
And sport it any way
But in the bridal bed.
For why ? that man is poor
Who hath but one of many,
But crown’d he is with store
That, single, may have any.
– Robert Herrick, The Poet Loves a Mistress, but not to Marry
You say I’m nice, true, and you think I’m the right dude
But there’s another girl just like you…
No text’s gonna give me head
Long distance just ain’t my thing
Young single don’t need no ring
I’m a free man now I don’t need no strings, sing
– Asher Roth, Be By Myself
2. Ywis, and of the Boobyes of Wenches
DISPLAY thy breasts, my Julia—there let me
Behold that circummortal purity,
Between whose glories there my lips I’ll lay,
Ravish’d in that fair via lactea.
– Robert Herrick, Upon Julia’s Breasts (see also, Upon the Nipples of Julia’s Breasts, and Upon the Roses in Julia’s Bosom: Julia had quite a set, if Literature is any guide).
you so hot hot hot hot. how about i take you
to my spot spot spot spot… know i’m at my best
when i make you sweat.
when i get sex
i get no rest. smack that butt i’m a
bounce them breasts.
– Asher Roth, Lion’s Roar
O JUPITER, should I speak ill
Of woman-kind, first die I will ;
Since that I know, ‘mong all the rest
Of creatures, woman is the best.
– Robert Herrick, In Praise of Women
… What if he’s a she and not a he at all
Or does a broad have to a be a C at least
Or can it be decreased if she real up on the beat?
– Asher Roth, The Lounge
THOU who wilt not love, do this,
Learn of me what woman is.
Something made of thread and thrum,
A mere botch of all and some,
Pieces, patches, ropes of hair ;
Inlaid garbage everywhere.
– Robert Herrick, Upon Some Women
Some dumb ass girl I went to high school with.
While she’s sweating she’s telling me she likes my dick.
I just smile and think ’bout how great it would be
If I can just hit this chick with a quick leg sweep.
– Asher Roth, Bad Day
WOMEN, although they ne’er so goodly make it,
Their fashion is, but to say no, to take it.
– Robert Herrick, Denial in Women Not Disheartening to Men
and flaunted what you wanted
and I went a little further even when you didn’t want it
– Asher Roth, Alone
Not widely read or respected in his day; is rumored to have died a virgin, with his poems being simply a massive campaign of overcompensation.
13 Comments
Stuff like this is why I don’t pay much attention to pop culture. I’d never heard of Asher Roth before. And now I will never get back the several minutes I spent looking at his Wikipedia page. This injustice will not stand.
What a trenchant analysis of high and pop culture, Sady.
Fabulous!
You know what I find amusing is when people say attitudes towards women were all messed up and oppressive in the way-back-long-long-ago, but that now in these here modern times everything’s all equal and groovy.
Between whose glories there my lips I’ll lay,
Ravish’d in that fair via lactea.I see the motorboat existed even before the invention of the motorboat.
the more things change something something.
Do you think calling someone a cad back then, had the same impact as calling someone a douchebag has now? If not, what was the equivalent of douchebag? Because they’re both douchebags, but I’d prefer to be historically accurate when labeling someone. Knowledge is Power!
I started this post thinking “I don’t know either of these people. I fear that I will not appreciate the ensuing comparison.”
I am sorry for doubting you.
(Tread! It rhymes with bed.)
It’s amazing how education and pop culture both expose us to the same fucking idiots (and expect us to take them seriously.)
For BonnieBelle: I will have to think about what the 17th-century equivalent of douchebag was (scurvy knave?), but I can share with you my favorite Renaissance insult: windfucker. It’s a bird…one that hovers on a stream of air, and it means a blowhard. As in George Chapman’s preface to his translation of Homer, “…there is a certain envious Windfucker, that hovers up and down, laboriously engrossing all the air with his luxurious ambition; and buzzing into every ear my detraction.” Or as in, “That Rush Limbaugh is a real windfucker.”
I just watched Asher Roth’s “College” video, and I actually thought it was a brilliant encapsulation of everything that’s wrong with fratty college culture.
I have this sick feeling, though, that the video might have been done in earnest approval. 🙁
This is brilliant BTW! And j-bird I can assure you…it wasn't 🙂
Asher's Mom
I don't usually follow the vitriol directed at my son because the vast majority of it is along the lines of kaizoku's thick skulled, self-serious opining. But I share my wife's assessment of this blog post. Well done. Although I think you got a couple of my son's lyrics wrong…not that it matters. I dare say you, deep down, actually get it. You should meet Asher. I think you'd like him. ARD
Hi
awesome post – i’m creating video about it and i will post it to youtube !
if you wana to help or just need a link send me email !