Skip to content

Comedy! Banter! Graphic Rape Scenes!

Say, who likes dudes who use rape as a metaphor for any given experience? You do, you do! So, you are totally going to love this (extremely graphic and disturbing! If this sort of thing upsets you or gives you flashbacks, you should not read it! I rarely give these warnings, but I am serious about this one!) post on Gawker, from contributor The Cajun Boy, sent to me this morning by J. Mastodon:

[MY EXPERIENCE] is sort of like giving birth to a daughter, [WHO IS A METAPHOR FOR MY EXPERIENCE], a daughter that you raise and nurture with tremendous care, and then one day you bring her, beautiful, statuesque, perfect in your eyes, to the church to walk her down the aisle, where a dashing groom, [METAPHOR], is waiting to embrace her on the other end of the aisle. But just before the organist plays that “Here Comes the Bride” song so she can begin her walk down the aisle, out pops a herd of groomsmen, [METAPHORS], who proceed to throw your daughter down and violently gang-bang her in the back of the church, and by the time they’re done with her she’s bloody, beaten, and battered, almost completely unrecognizable to you, the person who raised her. Both of her eyes are swollen completely shut, one of her legs is broken, she can barely function at all, and then the very groomsmen, [I REMIND YOU: METAPHORS], who just finished violently raping her turn to you and say, “Okay, now make her walk down the aisle,” and you, the person who conceived her, nurtured her and cared for her for all those years, has to walk with her as she hopelessly flounders her way down, and all the while you’re hoping beyond hope that she a) makes it all the way down before completely collapsing and b) that her groom, [METAPHOR], isn’t so freaked out by her when he sees how hideous she now looks that he turns and bolts out of the church.

Say, who can guess what this is a metaphor for? What human experience could be so profoundly scarring and terrible as to be morally and emotionally equivalent to this extended, graphic rape scene? Watching a loved one succumb to a drawn-out and painful illness? The effects of ground war, famine, or genocide on various countries? DEVELOPING A TV SHOW??????

Yep, it’s that last one. As J. Mastodon notes, it’s really the last line that sells it: you’ve really got to hope that this groom, who apparently loves your daughter enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her, won’t be so “freaked out by her when he sees how hideous she now looks” that he abandons her. You know, because she’s ugly now. From being raped and beaten.

As usual, Melissa McEwan makes the best point on the subject of rape metaphors. Her latest post on the subject is delight, and features a quote from a celebrity of the silver screen!


“I think the word raped gets thrown around far too casually. You ever listen to a bunch of guys playing video games with each other online? It’s like, ‘Ah man you shot me in the back dude. You raped me dude!’ I’m pretty sure if I talked to a woman who’s been through that horrific situation and I said, ‘What was it like, you know, being raped?’ she’s not gonna look at me and go, ‘Have you ever played Halo?’”Dane Cook, in his new comedy special “Isolated Incident.”

The other night, I turned on the television and the channel was still tuned to Comedy Central from watching “The Colbert Report” the night before. “Isolated Incident” was airing, and in the maybe 6 seconds it took me to change the channel, Cook said something racist, xenophobic, and sexist.

And even he gets that casually throwing around the word rape is inappropriate.

Which means that anyone who doesn’t is a bigger douche than Dane Cook.

Yep. Gawker contributor The Cajun Boy, you have won this week’s official Worse Than Dane Cook award. Enjoy it! And hey, maybe there’s a reason your TV show didn’t do so well? Anyway, here is what noted public asshole Dane Cook – who is morally superior to you, and also has a better sense of humor – thinks of your blog post:


Good luck, Chuck.

21 Comments

  1. snobographer wrote:

    And naturally the real tragedy in that metaphor is for the father of the bride, not the bride herself. She’s her dad’s broken toy. Poor dad.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 10:40 am | Permalink
  2. meloukhia wrote:

    My my my, the threads at Gawker never fail to disappoint. As snobographer pointed out, it was fascinating to see the entire metaphor framed from the point of view of the damage it was doing to the men, rather than the woman. I guess, like television shows, we ladies are objects to be viewed (and DVRed) at male convenience.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 11:28 am | Permalink
  3. Llencelyn wrote:

    Ugh. Just…ugh.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 11:29 am | Permalink
  4. Chex wrote:

    Yowza! So amazingly beyond not okay! Blaargghhh!!!

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 11:36 am | Permalink
  5. jeannie wrote:

    When called out in the comments for the rape “metaphor,” The Cajun Boy responds…..

    “Yeah, I can see that. I actually hesistated right before posting it worried that some find find it offensive, but I decided to go with it, if only because I think that there’s a feeling of being violated that goes along with having something you create utterly destroyed by idiots.”

    So, 1) when a woman is raped, it’s her DAD who is acutally violated, and 2) when a woman is raped, she is UTTERLY DESTROYED, aka, WORTHLESS. Therefore, I guess, poor Dad will now not be entitled to the herd of sheep or cows or whatever that the groom was going to give him in the medieval exchange for his daughter’s now-defunct hymen.

    Boo. Hoo.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 12:23 pm | Permalink
  6. snobographer wrote:

    “‘I actually hesistated’”

    What a guy.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 12:45 pm | Permalink
  7. masagoroll wrote:

    OMG, that long metaphor triggers me and I don’t even have any personal experiences to be triggered! :( What a creep.

    I do like this comment nidolke left at Gawker though:

    “Touching gangbag metaphor. I guess the written word is on it’s way out too.”

    (I like it so much that I forgive the incorrect punctuation use.)

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 2:06 pm | Permalink
  8. meloukhia wrote:

    He who hesitates is lost?

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 2:27 pm | Permalink
  9. Jess wrote:

    Wow, so the dad just hopes that she makes it to the end of the aisle and the groom doesn’t reject her? He doesn’t worry about getting her to a hospital to treat the injuries? The dad’s reaction is so inappropriate to the scenario that it should have been clear to Cajun Boy that it’s a forced metaphor. I.e. it really doesn’t represent what he’s talking about, which is making a TV show. And then maybe that should have spurred him to think… “hey, does this metaphor totally trivialize rape?!? Oh my, it does! Maybe I should come up with a different metaphor!!”

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 2:40 pm | Permalink
  10. Twyst wrote:

    and gee, hopefully the husband will still want her.

    and wtf – groomsmen are the friends of the groom — i mean.. god, so many problems.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 4:55 pm | Permalink
  11. Melissa McEwan wrote:

    you have won this week’s official Worse Than Dane Cook awardLOL!

    I love you, lady.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 5:43 pm | Permalink
  12. Lisa wrote:

    Truly disgusting.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 5:45 pm | Permalink
  13. Jet wrote:

    Yes. Because an other person is TOTALLY “someTHING you created”.

    Friday, May 22, 2009 at 7:12 pm | Permalink
  14. SargassoSea wrote:

    I wonder. Does it take more or less effort to be more pathetic than Dane Cook?

    Saturday, May 23, 2009 at 5:02 am | Permalink
  15. Jen wrote:

    Holy crap on a pointed stick. That’s horrifying. I’m especially freaked out that he’s considered this, thought about the offence it might cause, and then gone, “Nope! This is an important point I’m making here and the people must be told!” He probably thinks he’s been clever.

    *hides under rock*

    Saturday, May 23, 2009 at 12:25 pm | Permalink
  16. Sniper wrote:

    And a daughter is something the dad created – apparently by himself.

    I mean, that’s the least of what’s wrong with this bizarre metaphor, but Gah!

    Saturday, May 23, 2009 at 4:44 pm | Permalink
  17. Cait wrote:

    Just…yeah. You and Liss, Sady. You make my teaspoon tingle. ;D

    Sunday, May 24, 2009 at 4:38 pm | Permalink
  18. tinfoil hattie wrote:

    there’s a feeling of being violated that goes along with having something you createWell, Jet … it’s something the DAD created. All by his ownself. Like a beautiful (“statuesque,”) sculpture or something.

    In DudeLand, women do not exist except as things to amuse men.

    Sunday, May 24, 2009 at 5:27 pm | Permalink
  19. anime-heart wrote:

    After reading this, I have to say, I think that “they” were probably correct in messing with his TV show. If this is in any way an example of his thought.

    Monday, May 25, 2009 at 6:37 am | Permalink
  20. MaeGal wrote:

    *applouse*
    VERY well stated. I agree 100%.

    Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 8:46 pm | Permalink
  21. berryblade wrote:

    “I think the word raped gets thrown around far too casually. You ever listen to a bunch of guys playing video games with each other online? It’s like, ‘Ah man you shot me in the back dude. You raped me dude!’ I’m pretty sure if I talked to a woman who’s been through that horrific situation and I said, ‘What was it like, you know, being raped?’ she’s not gonna look at me and go, ‘Have you ever played Halo?’”—Dane Cook, in his new comedy special “Isolated Incident.”

    This is way too fucking true. The number of times I’ve had to waste at least five minutes of precious shooting time on Counterstrike, Killing Floor or Left 4 Dead yelling at assholes because they’ve triggered me by saying shit like “Oh you got raped bitch” because they shot/pounced/whatever me. It fucking irritates me, more often than not can be triggering and instead of actually getting to play the game (which they all get to do with no problems.)

    I have to try and one convince them that I’m a woman and not a twelve year old boy with a microphone (aren’t these games 15+ anyway?!) and why using that “metaphor” is fucking offensive, especially to me. Usually when I mention I’m a survivor of sexual violence they shut the fuck up, but sometimes it makes it worse and they’ll all go out of their way to TRY and trigger me. That’s usually when I find another server, or if I’m playing on mine, ban them all. For admin disrespect and misogyny (I actually have that as one of my ban reasons ;) )

    Yeah, this might post might have poked a soft spot for me.
    And that’s not even mentioning the amount of shit I have to deal with for being a female gamer with a microphone – constantly asked if I’m “hot”, what size bra I wear etc etc. And I just report those asshats for violation of TOS.

    Sorry if this is too long.

    Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 8:26 pm | Permalink