Oh my god. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. The best thing ever has happened. Are you ready for it? BECAUSE HERE IT IS:
0:40: He is one man! (Well, two. I guess.) He is outnumbered! He is the Miss California!
0:45: “Can’t support abortion and call yourself a Christian” = BABY WEARING SANTA HAT! Don’t abort! Think of the Santa babies!
0:53: Black-and-white “SOCIALISM” graphic. Seemingly unrelated to lyrics. Still awesome.
1:09: Oh God! The other, taller guy started rapping! He is even more terrible! Thank you, Internet, for giving me this beautiful gift. The tears you see, streaming down my face? They are tears of joy.
1:15: DRILL, BABY, DRILL. Yessssssssssssssssssss.
1:16: Ha ha, I don’t hate you, Giant Conservative. Even though you are praying for me. I hope you live a long, happy life, and continue to think you have various talents that you do not actually have, so that you can post videos of them on YouTube. Young Conservative Rodeo Clowns, anyone?
1:32: “We need more women with intellectual integrity.” Women like Megyn Kelly! Note to Young Conservatives: “intellectual integrity” does not mean “boobies.”
1:51: “The Bible says we’re a people under God.” Um, I think that is the Pledge of Allegiance, actually? WHATEVER.
2:00: Oooooh, fun blurry effect on the word “soldiers” for no reason. We are heading into hardcore “no such thing as discrimination! Because soldiers die sometimes! And God, and the Bible! I’m gonna fuck me a fish” territory now.
2:55: OMG WTF HOLY CRAP THE BRIDGE SUPERMAN WATERBOARDING YAYYYYYYY
3:10: “Jesus, Ronald Reagan, plus Atlas Shrugged.” I LITERALLY JUST SCREAMED AT MY DESK. I CAN’T LET GO OF THE ALL CAPS. I THINK I MIGHT PEE MYSELF. THIS IS TOO EXCITING.
3:58: Oh no! They turned into photo negatives, then the song ended! Now it is just a minute and a half of a black screen. You guys. HAS THE LIBERAL ESTABLISHMENT SILENCED THE YOUNG CONS?
4:38: Click: play. Again.