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ADVICE! For Deleted Commenters! AGAIN!

Friends, I received a comment today! A comment that was six hundred and fifty-one words long! Now, normally I would just be like, “whoops, looks like someone doesn’t know how ‘blogs’ work.” (Did you know, Commenter, that there are whole websites that you can create specifically for the purpose of posting your various thoughts on things?) However, this commenter is important enough that I feel compelled to help him and/or her out, by dedicating an entire blog post to his or her important – nay, revolutionary! – ideas. This commenter, you see, is a dedicated feminist, devoted to destroying the single largest obstacle to women’s equality that currently exists.

The single largest obstacle to women’s equality that currently exists is Tiger Beatdown.

To be more specific, it is Tiger Beatdown’s review of “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” I know, right? That was not even the meanest review in the series! “Superbad” was the meanest; then, on the “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” thing I basically just lost my mind and was like, FUCK YOU COLLEGE BOYFRIEND AND/OR JASON SEGEL I AM CONVINCED THAT YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH THE SAME GUY ALSO YOUR MOVIE BLOWS. Nevertheless, “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” is the one I destroyed feminism and/or women with!

Now: before I present this comment, I must regretfully tell you that the staunch feminist ally who wrote it is Anonymous. Yes, an Anonymous Commenter, or “AC” for short. So, let’s just fix “AC” in your mind, so that you have a clear mental image of this person. “AC.” “AC.” “AC.” AC:


Got that picture firmly in mind? Good. Let’s read on!

Good to see that you’ve dispelled the offensive, unfounded stereotype that feminists lack a sense of humor. What incisive commentary!

Why, thank you! I have dispelled that stereotype, haven’t I? And all by myself, too. Heyyyyy, wait a minute…

I thought 40 Y/O Virgin was a fairly standard comedy that derived its humor from hyperbolizing the way men think and talk about sex. I thought the ultimate “lesson” of the movie, if it had one, was that mutual respect is the foundation of a sexually-fulfilling relationship. Little did I realize that the film was, to misquote Bunuel, “a passionate call to rape and abuse.” I mean, we’ve all seen the troubling statistics on the sharp rise in home invasion sexual assualts that took place in the aftermath of this film, but I never understood why until now. The pieces finally fit! Praise the Lord and pass the labrys!

You guys, I think this person might be making fun of me! It is hard to tell, because it is so subtle! Is there any way you can spend over 500 words on making your point clearer, Anonymous Commenter?

I was also really excited by the novel presentation of this piece. Rather than succumbing to the use of transparent, unfunny sarcasm and half-baked reactionary ideas [which perpetuate the unfortunate idea that women generally are passive aggressive and that feminists in particular are pseudo-intellectual idiots], you offered an unbiased commentary without any indicia of a censorship agenda.

Yeah, AC’s definitely making fun of me. How could AC have missed my clear censorship agenda? Has AC forgotten that I personally burned all copies of “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” and made laughing at Steve Carell punishable by death in my recently-created totalitarian regime? Well, thank God AC would never stoop so low as to use “transparent, unfunny” sarcasm to make a point! That is for passive-aggressive idiots! And TERRORISTS.

[Blah blah blah] syncophantic commentators [blah blah blah] right-wing religious types, or gun nuts, or racists, or fanatical adherents to any “ism” of any other strip, feminists [blah blah blah]. If we watch things like this despicable, hateful film to make an independent judgment, there’ll be anarchy in the streets [blah].

Whew. Thank God I didn’t watch this film to make an independent judgment or anything. Who knows what damage I may have caused! For example, I might have single-handedly destroyed feminism!

[Blah blah blibbity blabbity bloop bleep blorp]... know what? Upon further consideration, I’m afraid that you and your readers are fucking stupid enough to take the foregoing seriously, so I’ll just make it plain: you are an idiot, and an asshole to boot.

WHAT? Oh no! You fooled me before! With the sarcasm!

It’s self-described “feminists” like you that make the rest of us look stupid and crazy. You are the Hulga/Joy Hopewell of feminism: a smug, self-involved, miserable bitch with no practical knowledge of how the world works.

Yes, but such a fine short story could be made of my life, don’t you think? Also, a PJ Harvey song, which I quite enjoy! Is This Desire is sort of an overlooked album, for me. I rarely listen to it, but when I do, I always…

… oh, OK. AC has now dropped both a Flannery O’Connor reference and a Bunuel reference into his or her anonymous “you’re a bitch and I hate you” Internet comment. This signifies, for the record, that AC wants to be taken seriously, on an intellectual level; also, that he or she has literally no sense of irony or absurdity whatsoever. So, I will now engage with his or her argument, seriously and with full intellectual pomposity. Although, for the record? You didn’t need to try this hard, buddy. The “lol you r dumb” commenters are typically just as convincing, and much more concise.

Do you really think that the quasi-academic deconstruction of a harmless comedy is going to change anything? Do you think being hypersensitive and whiny and humorless is going to make the rest of the world take real feminist issues more seriously?

Ummmmm… yes! Wait…. no! Wait…. it’s a pointless rhetorical question based on misreading and stereotyping my argument, as well as pulling every cliched anti-feminist silencing trope you can find out of your butt, and is so broad as to be entirely unconvincing because it relates to the actual words I have written only vaguely and seems primarily to be fueled by some feelings of animosity toward me personally or toward feminists and/or women in general!

Of course not!

DAMN IT!

Simpering about how some movie hurt your feelings because you didn’t like it just feeds all those stereotypes about women [emotional, irrational] and feminism [unnecessary, irrelevant to real issues, a forum to bitch rather than take action] that real feminists have been fighting against for decades. As you were amusing yourself by dropping f-bombs and making bold pronouncements about your mature sexuality

Ha ha, “fuck.” Ha ha ha. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Hahahahahaha.

women were earning less at work, being abused, being denied medical care, and being treated like second class citizens all around the world: Hundreds and thousands and millions of them.

No. REALLY? Wait. Nooooooo. I had no idea this was going on! Why didn’t I write about it? WHY?

Is some man in an office somewhere reading this more likely to ignore a female subordinate’s feminist argument in favor of more job responsibility if he thinks feminists are hysterical crybabies? You’re damn right he is.

Okay. Here, we come (finally) to the main point of the argument: Tiger Beatdown, meaning me, is the sole representative of feminism in the world, and as such, responsible for determining the goals and priorities of the movement. Sorry, other feminists! You didn’t make the cut! It’s all about me now, and I say feminism is about buying me a pony!

As the sole representative of feminism (other than AC, who of course is completely devoted to the movement and knows exactly how it should go; this is demonstrated by AC’s commitment to calling other feminists hysterical humorless crybaby bitches on the Internet) I am responsible for convincing everyone in the world to adhere to my and/or AC’s feminist principles. Every blog post I write must encapsulate everything that feminism is about; I may never be allowed to write something silly or pop-culture focused, as an unidentified and extremely gullible businessman (OK, Emily Gould: YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT BOB, I am sorry) could choose any one of my blog posts to form his ideas about the female gender. It is my responsibility to incarnate all womanly virtue, and to behave in a manner that ensures I will never be stereotyped – since, as we all know, when a member of an oppressed group is stereotyped, he or she is in complete control of this, and in fact makes it happen, and the stereotyping party is a blank slate with no pre-determined agendas (or, “prejudices”) – and, should I ever falter in this mission, women will magically become oppressed through my actions.

There are no other feminists. There is no such thing as pre-existing prejudice or privilege. People are incapable of surveying the huge and diverse feminist movement and determining that there are differences of opinion within it, and that debate is encouraged, and that they cannot and should not form their ideas about feminism from my work alone. My job is to behave properly at all times, or I and all other women will be subject to oppression, which is our fault for not being good girls and laughing at boys’ jokes.

Nope, I can’t see anything sexist about this argument whatsoever. Let’s tune in to AC’s concluding words:

Grow up, get out of your ivory tower, get off your ass, and fucking do something!

Yes. DO SOMETHING! Do something important! Like, LEAVING ANONYMOUS MEAN COMMENTS ON BLOG POSTS! That will save the world!

31 Comments

  1. Cait wrote:

    Exactly so. I mean, how would we feminists know how to do our feministy stuff if we didn't have Very Serious Experts to come along and tell us "ur doin it rong!"?

    I'm fairly sure Aristotle made the same argument, when he said of Plato's Republic:

    LOL YOUR FAT AND SHOULD LIKE GO DIE IN A FIRE ON MOUNT OLIMPES OR LIKE THAT

    I eagerly await your sure-to-come retraction of the review of that movie (so harmless I won't even mention its name).

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 9:47 am | Permalink
  2. Aeryl wrote:

    I think you just make up these commenters, to go along with the witty and incisive posts you already have written, because there is no way anyone can be that dumb, right? Please?

    And critiquing popular culture is pointless, Sady, because it's not like it has the word "culture" in its name or anything, so it totally doesn't affect society, not a whit.

    And can I just take a moment to just register my disgust that there is another damn movie out, about how a father neglects and ignores his child of the girl persuasion, until she can make him money. And somewhere, along the path of neglect, then exploitation, he learns that he should have valued her all along. But only after he's made people laugh about the neglect and exploitation for 90 minutes.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 9:54 am | Permalink
  3. Ashley wrote:

    I watched 8 1/2. I think that makes it pretty clear that I'm the most appropriate spokesperson for all of feminism ever.

    Sady, you are wrong. Feminism is about buying ME a pony.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 10:00 am | Permalink
  4. Rachel wrote:

    I'd like a pony, but I don't think my freezer's big enough. And I couldn't eat a whole one.

    Moving on… I'm kinda jealous that you get such dedicated trolls! Why do I never get people writing essays about me?!

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 10:22 am | Permalink
  5. lauren wrote:

    It comes with the territory…I think AC is a wee bit jealous of you…I dont understand how AC (not Slater) could say that your writing is humorless when in fact, it sounds like it is AC's writing that is humorless. Maybe AC not Slater is just annoyed because he/she really LOVED that movie..but than it should have been left at "you know Sady, I really loved that movie, and I am a feminist, so there…, good luck to you". I dont know, people need to realize its OK to disagree. We can agree to disagree so we can work TOGETHER on those issues that need more powerful voices to create change…"Dont let that Man movie come between us!" thats what I would say to AC not Slater.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 10:24 am | Permalink
  6. Kelly wrote:

    I would vote for you as sole representative of feminism. You deserve that pony.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 10:49 am | Permalink
  7. Dani wrote:

    This post made my whole afternoon better. Not as good as if I had a pony, but better.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 11:14 am | Permalink
  8. Mendacious D wrote:

    Is it bad to admit that my favourite posts here are when Sady demolishes her critics? (But only by a slight margin)

    "They see me trollin', they hatin'…"

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 11:24 am | Permalink
  9. natasha wrote:

    the lulz, they are so many.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 11:32 am | Permalink
  10. j0lt wrote:

    Ditto what Dani said. Although I want a winning powerball tix instead. So I can buy multiple ponies. And dye them pink.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 12:18 pm | Permalink
  11. ChelseaWantsOut wrote:

    "I wanna–I wanna–I wanna–I wanna–I wanna pony, pony!"

    -"Mama & Me," by Nellie McKay

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 12:25 pm | Permalink
  12. amonitrate wrote:

    Wow, AC is absolutely right. I've seen the light and will no longer read this blog.

    Because movies and popular culture in general have nothing to do with how women are seen/evaluated/treated by the culture at large! Silly sexist and misogynist movies shouldn't be called out, because that's humorless! We should laugh at the misogyny, *enjoy* it, and stop wasting our time doing anything as useless as thinking about it when we could be out fighting the real fight, which again, has nothing whatsoever to do with the stereotypes of women these films forward and exploit for the laughs and $$. So what if the mens get all the $$ in Hollywood, for exploiting misogynist stereotypes of us womenfolk. So what if teenage boys (and girls!) are forming their notions of how the genders should interact from watching these things. It's not like those teenage dudes who laugh at "Observe and Report" aren't gonna grow up to accidentally rape a girl themselves!

    Nope, no connection at all!

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 12:27 pm | Permalink
  13. Raddad wrote:

    I thought 40 Y/O Virgin was a fairly standard comedy that derived its humor from hyperbolizing the way men think and talk about sex.
    The fact that 40YOV is a _standard_ comedy is part of the point. If misogyny was rare, I doubt that you would spend so much time writing about it.
    If you want to know if a movie colludes with an oppression, you should listen to those in the oppressed group.
    It is refreshing to have nice, clear targets in the world

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 12:44 pm | Permalink
  14. Ridgely Schantz wrote:

    Sady, this just in: Anonymous Commenter is not funny. Just kinda sour. You, however, are hilarious and what's more, my best friend and I email links to your various posts back and forth like some people send those hang-in-there kitten hallmark cards. True story. She started it because she has her finger on the pulse of, you guessed it: feminism. Do you know that when she googled "feminism", you're all that was there? Ok, I am lying. Oh, and if feminists like you contribute to lower wages in the workplace through dudebro comedy coverage, it is because I am laughing so hard that my boss bitches at me for reading job-unrelated intarwebs. So, thanks!

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 1:25 pm | Permalink
  15. Fannie wrote:

    I wouldn't rule out the theory that this comment was actually written by an MRA or other sort of anti-feminist person. Aside from the obligatory "It's feminists like you who make the rest of us look bad" statement, the comment reads like a winning MRA bingo card.

    If the comment really is from a feminist, well, it's highly disappointing that s/he'd use typical anti-feminist silencing methods on another feminist.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 2:29 pm | Permalink
  16. jeannie wrote:

    So, like, I will go ahead and say it – I liked the 40Y/O Virgin. I thought it was pretty cute, when it wasn't being foul. Steve Carrell is just so damn sweet seeming, and Catherine Keener – LOVE HER.

    And – gasp – I ALSO LIKED SADY'S REVIEW. I am so conflicted inside! OMG!! WHAT TO DO!!

    People like Slater here piss me off because it's like, "Hey, you make feminists look bad for having feelings and being pissed and complaining when you're pissed!! I am the real feminist!!" Isn't a large part of being feminist the idea that like, um, women can voice their opinions and stuff? And uh, like, express emotions, including but not limited to anger? No? My bad.

    ASSHOLE.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 2:33 pm | Permalink
  17. Anonymous wrote:

    also, AC is saying ignore the movie, it is harmless, it is not the REAL issue, it does not add to the real injustices women face. Yet men may read this post and the criticism of a movie on a blog (an awesome blog, but probably with not quite as much exposure as the movie 40yo virgin…)will result in men dismissing women's concerns as unimportant???!!! So the constant stream of crap movies that reinforce crapness against women are of no consequence at all, but one blog that sometimes critiques crappy blogs will cause men to be unable to take women seriously ever again!!!! Such power you have Sady!!! Use it wisely!!!

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 5:40 pm | Permalink
  18. Anonymous wrote:

    So, what AC is saying is that movies are of no importance and have no impact whatsoever in adding to the crapness in the way women are treated, but you Sady, and the awesomeness of this blog and the awesome power of this blog, which must be more powerful than movies!!! Because you sometimes critique movies, that will cause men (because they have no critical thinking faculties at all) to dismiss any further claims that women are sometimes treated in a crap manner, because on this blog, this one time, I read that some women think that the movie 40yo virgin has some issues in the way it portrays women, so all women are crybabies. Use the power of this blog wisely Sady, for surely it is powerful!!!

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 5:49 pm | Permalink
  19. The Magnetic Crow wrote:

    I have to say this is the best and most hilarious troll-coping tactic ever.
    Sady, you have the tongue of steel.

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 7:23 pm | Permalink
  20. snobographer wrote:

    Fannie: "I wouldn't rule out the theory that this comment was actually written by an MRA or some other sort of anti-feminist person"

    I would go all in on that bet.

    Sady: "[Blah blah blah] …or racists, or fanatical adherents to any "ism" of any other strip, feminists [blah blah blah]"

    You blah blahed out the part where, because the word "feminism" has the suffix "ism," it's just like racism or antisemitism or fascism or totalitarianism, didn't you. I know you did, because they always try that one. They actually think it makes sense!
    Also bad, by the same logic: Cubism, athleticism, baptism, criticism, environmentalism . . .

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 7:59 pm | Permalink
  21. snobographer wrote:

    Also, AC is allowed to do a hypersensitive, whiny, quasi-academic (I know – hardly) deconstruction of a blog post, because that's an important thing to do.

    You, however, Sady, are NOT ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING! Or else you're RUINING FEMINISM!

    Friday, June 12, 2009 at 8:06 pm | Permalink
  22. expatlarissa wrote:

    Yeah, well, your perm-mullet looks stupid, AC.

    Wait, we're not talking about Saved by the Bell?

    PS, this commentor sounds like a whole new breed of anonymous-internet tool.

    Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 2:03 am | Permalink
  23. amellifera wrote:

    "I mean, we've all seen the troubling statistics on the sharp rise in home invasion sexual assualts that took place in the aftermath of this film…."

    Gotta love how the home invasion rapes are the only ones that count. Cause all those rapes from "tackling drunk bitches" (or, you know, the one that didn't take place in the movie cause Steve Carrell's "drunk bitch" was too scary and drunk to even bother raping) don't really count. Get it? Cause they're drunk and bitches. And you can't ever call a movie misogynist unless you can prove that it caused the men watching it to start breaking into the homes of women who are strangers (and didn't ask for it by going out in public) in order to rape them. Anything else is trivial, and if you complain then you never have fun. Cause you know, it's highly important that every woman out there have fun at all times.

    Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 10:01 am | Permalink
  24. Erin M wrote:

    Haha, the irony is pretty hilarious that AC doesn't think a big blockbuster movie has any effect on society, but your blog has a huge irreversible negative impact on everything everywhere.

    Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 12:17 pm | Permalink
  25. Sniper wrote:

    Grow up, get out of your ivory tower, get off your ass, and fucking do something!

    I gather that if we feminists would just figure out the perfect way to do feminism, sexism would just wither up and die. Why, or why won't the critics give us a hint?

    I personally burned all copies of "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," and made laughing at Steve Carell punishable by death in my recently-created totalitarian regime?

    Say what you will about Sady, she made the movies start on time.

    Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 5:39 pm | Permalink
  26. blindmouse wrote:

    Hey, this is really interesting. Do you get the "You reinforce the humourless feminist stereotype" troll comment a lot? Because, uh, I have SO MANY very important issue blogs friended and bookmarked and sitting in my google reader, and sadly this is one of the only ones I actually read. Because I have low moral fibre and this blog makes me laugh. A lot.

    Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 7:07 pm | Permalink
  27. Helen wrote:

    I dont understand how AC (not Slater) could say that your writing is humorless when in fact, it sounds like it is AC's writing that is humorless.

    It's called projection, Lauren!

    And that's not the only psychological issue "AC" has, I'd imagine. Get thee to a counsellor, AC.

    Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 8:49 pm | Permalink
  28. Helen wrote:

    To be fair, the "AC" in the photo looks like a really nice looking dude, he's just been tragically let down by early 80s (?) fashion. You young people who like to revive retro looks: this is a warning!

    Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 8:51 pm | Permalink
  29. Anonymous wrote:

    I must thank AC. I liked The 40 Year Old Virgin. I thought this was because of my soft spot for corny, not-too-subtle sex jokes, and my middle-aged affection of middle-aged love stories. Now I know that I liked that movie because I'm one of the greatest feminist thinkers of all time!!!! Me n' AC! We're gonna rulez the world! Brawhahahahaha!!!!!

    Rose (not an AC, just too lazy to open an account)

    Monday, June 15, 2009 at 8:17 am | Permalink
  30. Renée wrote:

    I ♥ you Sady. I wanna write like you when I grow up.

    Monday, June 15, 2009 at 9:10 am | Permalink
  31. Anonymous wrote:

    Too bad it's mandatory to be serious in order to be a "real" feminist…Otherwise the comedic entertainment value might create a viral readership and end up changing the way many people see the world. Sorry, Sady! No DIY world-improvement projects for YOU, humor-girl. Anyway, DIY projects are too dykeish and social engineering is too typically girly.

    – <3 Another non-AC non-blogger

    Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 11:54 pm | Permalink

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  1. Blog Review: Tiger Beatdown « Pathological Narcissist on Friday, August 21, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    [...] August 21, 2009 Tiger Beatdown has the honor of being the very first addition to my blogroll*. That’s because it’s not only the first blog I check every day and the one that most invariably provides me with entertainment and food for thought, but it also can take the credit for inspiring this blog, and its title and tagline. [...]