You know, reader, I have not done one of these in a while. The mean anonymous comments have mostly been boring! And I like to dish out my friendly advice to people who are, at the very least, entertaining or innovative in their comment hate. Today, however, ADVICE FOR DELETED COMMENTERS returns! For, of all deleted comments, my favorites are those in which the commenter tries to make it clear that he or she is only insulting me
for my own good. I got one of those today! And, believe me: it is
epic.
It begins:
One thing even a casual reader will notice is that, Sady is great at tooting her own horn! Yes! She constantly links to her OTHER writings at MORE IMPORTANT websites!
Reader: the post to which Anonymous Angry Commenter #419 (sorry, dudes: if you won’t leave your names, I’ll have to start numbering you) is responding is entitled “My Raging Narcissism Will Destroy Us All.” A joke, of the self-deprecating variety! In that post I also made jokes about how unqualified I was to represent feminism, and about the fact that the interview in question hadn’t gotten much traffic.
Let us be clear on this: in a post in which I did nothing but make fun of and/or get down on myself, someone left a comment about what a cocky, self-promoting bitch I am. Apparently, I’m not sufficiently convinced that I and my writing are shit; also, I do the decent thing, which is to try and drive traffic toward sites that are driving traffic toward me, and to let my readers know about the other stuff I am up to. I just don’t hate myself enough, is the problem! Fortunately, AAC #419, in the tradition of AACs everywhere, is here to help.
And what do her readers get HERE .. fake interviews with some compatriots instead of original thoughts… reviews of 4 yearold movies! Wow!
Ha ha, yes. Tiger Beatdown, heartless commercial enterprise that it is, is devoted solely to producing marketable posts in order to obtain an optimal number of pageviews; content, style, and principle are irrelevant in my merciless quest for market domination. It is like The Huffington Post, but with fewer naked boobs! (NOTE TO SELF: INCLUDE MORE NAKED BOOBS.) Which is why, last week, I made the ruthlessly commercial decision to stop everything in order to write long, joke-free essays about some obscure movies and tell you about my feelings on a ten-year-old rape case.
You know, some day I’d like to have a “personal blog” where I can write whatever the hell I want, often in direct contradiction to the received wisdom about what makes a commercially viable blog post (short, witty, timely, and controversial are the goals; also, it helps if there are click-through links, polls, and – if possible – naked boobs). But, alas! My days are spent maintaining the corporate media giant that is Tiger Beatdown!
One MIGHT start thinking, well ‘tiger beatdown’, which sounds like a 60s fanmag to Fabian and Rydell…
Hmm, you’re right. “Tiger Beatdown” does sound A LOT like the name of
a fan magazine. What an unfortunate and unintended coincidence! Oh, if only I had the on-target pop culture sense of Anonymous Angry Commenter #419.
is just an ‘experiment’.. an add on to see if Sady can make it in the world of fem-blogging… hence her slavering delight when Melissa McEwen featured her .
Here we come to my favorite part of the comment: the part where AAC #419 drops any pretense at criticism and just goes straight to the conspiracy theory. The miraculous thing about all this is that AAC #419 is exactly right! Yes, it’s true: since being openly, vocally feminist, and taking a hard line on feminist issues, is one of the best – if not the best – methods by which to ensure mainstream acceptance and popularity in our culture, I devised a cunning ruse. I pretended to be feminist, and spent several hours of each and every day researching, thinking about, and writing about feminism, in order to obtain the UNLIMITED FAME AND FORTUNE that I believe to be my birthright.
In truth, of course, feminism could not be less important to me. I mean,
women! Who cares? Am I right, fellas? “Sady Doyle,” that interminable ranter-on about the ladybusiness, is nothing more than a construct, an elaborate fiction meant to ensure my success. In reality, I am dogged anti-choice advocate and Ohio state Representative
John Boehner. I do apologize, however, for getting excited when Melissa McEwan asked me to do a guest post. As we all know, the appropriate response to learning that someone whose work you have long respected apparently respects your work as well is to retire to one’s bedroom and weep for several hours. Afterward, one must mortify one’s flesh to atone for the deadly sin of Pride. I recommend hair shirts, or a nice long round of whipping.
but wait … favoring better gigs for more exposure? Relying on more famous friends? That sounds like the very patriarchy we’re all supposed to be fighting! YES! Sady doesnt put her A team material on ‘tiger meltdown’.. she has bigger designs.. she wants to MAKE it as a writer .. oh theres patriarchy again ! HIERARCHY!
AIEEEEEEE! My dark secret has been revealed! Yes, if you rearrange the letters in “Tiger Beatdown,” they spell VOLDEMOR… wait, WHAT?
That’s your problem with me? The fact that I’ve published elsewhere? The fact that I have friendly relationships with other people who publish? That’s it? What the unloving everholy fuck
are you thinking?
Oh, wait. I know what you’re thinking. I know, because I used to think it too. Because, you see, for as long as I have been writing, I have had people in my life encouraging me to start pitching publications and make a go of the writing. And I said, “no.” I said, “I could never do that.” I said, “I’m not good enough.”
I said this for a variety of reasons, but one of the chief ones, I think, is that I’m a woman. (That is, when I am not Ohio state Representative John Boehner.) Women aren’t supposed to like themselves: they’re not supposed to like the way they look, they’re not supposed to like what they need or how they feel, and they’re definitely not supposed to be ambitious in any way or to believe in themselves to the extent that they can pursue the careers of their choice. Writing – which is, basically, the act of conveying what you think, in the belief that other people will want to hear it – is a particularly unladylike act.
But it’s OK as long as I don’t seem proud of it, right, AAC? It’s OK as long as I don’t betray the massively unwomanly confidence necessary to talk to people and basically be like, “I think my writing is good enough to appear in your publication.” It’s OK as long as I’m obscure, unpaid, not valued. That’s what purity looks like: doing hours of work for no compensation and never betraying any indication that you’re proud of what you do or believe it to be in any way exceptional.
Fuck that. The problem you have, AAC, is not that I’m “patriarchal” or “hierarchical.” That’s some self-serving bullshit you’re ladling out to excuse tearing another woman down in a supremely patriarchal way. The problem, actually, is that you think I don’t know my place. The problem, actually, is that I respect myself and other people respect me and I don’t feel like pretending that I’m unworthy of respect, not any more.
The thing is, I still do participate in patriarchy, though not in the way you imagine. Since this blog has been getting more traffic, since I’ve been getting published in places I admire, I’ve been freaking out, having panic attacks, getting down on myself, telling myself I can’t do it or won’t do it or don’t deserve to do it.
AAC #419, you changed all that. I realize that devaluing myself is a radically un-feminist step, given that my culture already devalues me. I’m a writer. I’m actually a pretty good writer. I’m going to work as hard as I can to write the best stuff that I can, and sometimes I might get compensated to write that work, and you are just going to have to sit there and fucking deal. And occasionally accuse me of PATRIARCHY! when you get really upset.
I do apologize for not putting any “A team” material on the blog, however. To make up for that, here is a picture of Mr. T:
dont post this.
WHOOPS.
I just think you are diluting what talents you have trying to be too many things. I have faults too. But I dont blog them with 40 links to other places.
That’s apparently true, AAC. Of course, since you aren’t brave enough to leave your name or a trackback, I can’t verify that you don’t blog your faults; however, you seem to be content with expressing those faults – which are, in order, a tenuous grasp on basic writing skills, deep stupidity, and a belief that women can best serve the feminist cause by hating themselves and/or living in refrigerator boxes underneath the train station – in anonymous comments on other people’s blogs. A noble calling!
See! Love ya Sady! Really!
Ha ha, love you too, AAC! Tell you what: why don’t you focus on learning to write above a third-grade level? Then maybe you can start publishing, and I can be your very own Famous Friend.
30 Comments
This is so great. I see the self-esteem issues in so many, probably all, of my female friends and certainly in myself. I sometimes catch myself thinking that I should be more modest or that my thoughts, desires, opinions are not worthy in some way.
It's one thing to recognize that we have faults. But it's really hard to also recognize that we are capable of greatness and even just plain old regularness like every other human. I tend to forget that part of the patriarchy. The part that tells me to be quiet and to question myself, to lack confidence.
Thank you so much for writing this and for everything that you write. I think your work is amazing and I appreciate all the time and insight and humor you put into it.
Love, Anonymous Commenter #420
P.S. I wasn't trying to make a stoner joke. 420 just comes after 419…
In reality, I am dogged anti-choice advocate and Ohio state Representative John Boehner.
I knew it! I win the betting pool! [does happy dance]
Though, when you publish your book — and you should write a book — you should probably go ahead and use the Sady name. It sounds more "feminist" than John, I think. Just suggesting.
Is it just me, or does AAC #419 seem to be ignorant of how exactly blogs–and for that matter, the internet–actually work? Isn't linking to other people a form of blog etiquette, especially if they've given you exposure on their own blog? Does the fact that you occasionally write and allow yourself to be interviewed by other bloggers somehow deprive him of your genius, because he/she might have to click something? Ok, if I try to get into this person's head any further, I'm going to have a rip-roaring migraine. It's total logicfail.
SadyJohn,
I'll be honest, I didn't add your blog to my daily reading queue for the content, but for the massive fame connections. My goal, too, is to become SUPER FUCKIN' FAMOUS by… y'know, thinking about feminism. Or linking to famous people. Or… whatever the hell s/he was babbling about.
No, uh, that's not what I was going to say. I actually feel like I get a pretty good coverage of the "issues" in all my other daily readings, but when I saw one of your posts featured in SHAKESVILLE OMG YOU KNOW MELISSA MCEWEN YOU BIG FAMOUS FEMINIST YOU I read it, and I loved the way you wrote about–whatever. And so I added your blog to my daily readings.
Because: you have hit the trifecta of awesome: 1. The way you write amuses me.
2. You have not, to date, said anything that made me want to scream or go live in a cave somewhere.
3. At least once, you have made me think, "OH HUH. I never thought of/noticed/realised that."
PLUS YOU ARE TOTES FRIENDS WITH FAMOUS PEOPLE OMG.
Yeah, I mean, I mainly link to you in the hopes that someday you will link back to me and magically catapult my Google search rank into the STRATOSPHERE with your famousness.
You also brought up an interesting point when you talked about the stress of being linked in places you admire; I recently had a rather jarring experience when I was linked by a site I admire and I was actually flooded with some very traumatizing comments. Although you make light of them, mean anonymous commmenters are really quite stress-inducing and I have been known to hide in the attic having a panic attack periodically because of them. I try to belittle them, oh how I do, as I dismiss them to the trash, but it's really hard. I like your take on it; I do kind of devalue myself when I get all riled up about Mean Anonymous Comments.
I have the suspicion that feminist bloggers tend to attract more Mean Anonymous Commenters than other sorts of bloggers, which I think makes it doubly difficult to talk about lady business. Anyway, sorry to write a small novel down here, it's just something I've been thinking about of late.
You know what I love the most? Is that in the process of telling you that you think too highly of yourself and of your writing, AAC #419 was making this adorably feeble attempt to mimic your wrting style, with the sarcasm and the gratuitous caps. AAC #419 thinks you suck, Sady, and he wants to be just like you.
Awww, ain't it sweet? Imitation is the douchiest form of flattery, isn't that what they say?
I linked to your blog, in the hopeful delirium that my blog would be half as intelligent, informative, and witty as yours. I like to call it blog-to-blog osmosis. 🙂
I'm confused by the part where success = patriarchy.
i've been reading you for about 2 months, i think, so first time commenter.
i love reading you, i love the dripping sarcasm and the "dudebro" term you coined. so don't let anonymous commenters put you down.
take care 🙂
@ meerkat: THat's what confused me, too (well, apart from everything else that is confusing in that comment). Apparently finding some measure of success/getting to interact with your idols is secretly GETTING BRAINWASHED BY PATRIARCHY?
I'm just like 'huh. I never knew that!'
Tiger Beatdown: Where I Learn Something New Every Day (which, sarcasm aside, is pretty close to true. Your posts, Sady, *do* always give me something to think about. Hurrah!)
This site is awesome. I found you through Shakesville, which I also love. But something about Tiger Beatdown speaks to me more. I think it's the humor and lightheartedness alongside some serious brainfood. Truth is feminism can be kind of a depressing thing when you really start to think about being a lady in this society. That's why I love humor sites!
And it's SO right about female=down on yourself. It's always bugged me with the smaller things, like how none of my girlfriends could ever take a compliment or take time for themselves without the requisite Guilt. Even when a lady is aware of it, like I am, it can still be a struggle to catch those thoughts, especially about putting my work out there where people may not like it. Every time those self-defeating thoughts creep into my head, hindering my success, I will read your blogpost and roar with righteous indignation, and I shall click "POST"!
Cheers,
Jenn 🙂
Loyal reader but this may be my first comment, and it's nothing that hasn't already been said, but I'm going to say it anyway: Sady you kick butt and are awesome, and your brilliant snark puts you in the top 3 blogs that I check first thing every morning because reading you sets me up either to laugh or to not take shit from the Big P, and usually both. So there. And also: your writing style is a bit infectious and I find myself imitating you from time to time because it just /works/. Also also, about freaking out and getting down on yourself – if imaginary hugs or chocolate from an internet stranger will do you any good, I'm offering both.
(And as a total nonsequitur, I had a blog on blogger and recently moved to wordpress, and I definitely like it better.)
I just love it when dudes drop in with their fresh manly wisdom to tell us How It Really Is.
I have a confession to make. After years of trying to encourage you with actual words of encouragement to no avail, I used reverse psycology as AAC #419 in an elaborate scheme to get you to believe in yourself. SUCCESS!
@Kelly: I knew it was you! UNDERMINER!!!!!!
@meerkat: Mostly I am confused by the use of commas! Oh, and also the "not hiding all of your writing under the bed and/or refusing to ever be published anywhere ever = patriarchy." But that is more understandable, given the fact that AAC #419 is really, really, really stupid.
@katrinaholloway: I think it was McEwan who coined that term, actually? No, wait! I meant: GIVE ME CREDIT FOR IT. GIVE ME CREDIT FOR EVERYTHING. FEED THE TIGER BEATDOWN MEDIA EMPIRE.
@EVERYONE: I am sorry, if you wish to benefit from my FAME using my MASSIVE FAME CONNECTIONS to be FAMOUS and MAKE IT as a FAMOUS FAME PERSON, you will need to start leaving anonymous comments about how I am DESTROYING FEMINISM AS WE KNOW IT with FAME FAME FAMOUSY FAME FAME. I will not use my FAME to any other purpose.
But – but – but – but I like reading what Sady writes on her TB blog.
What does this meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeene? About MEMEMEME?
Love, c.
It's funny because that's exactly how I responded when you asked me to write a guest post, Sady. With the bedroom weeping.
But not really. I actually just thought I was having weird e-mail hallucinations, then went back through every comment I'd ever made on your blog trying to figure out why you wanted me to do a guest post. Because of the self-esteem issues.
The first time I ever heard the word "dudebro" was from a commenter by the handle of I think pheenobarbidol (sp?) on IBTP, and that was a couple months before I ever saw McEwan start using it.
I discovered your blog about a month ago and usually I am not much of a commenter (I read, I lurk) but this post really inspired me! As us old-timey raised in the 1980's people say… You're RAD!
It is true, Woman. You have gotten above your Station in Life. You have Aspired to Humor. Humor, Madam, is the province of The Man.(See Hitchens, Christopher, renowned humorous Humorist.) Gentlemen might be prepared to overlook your Transgression, but for One Thing – you have succeded brilliantly. That, Madam, is Unforgiveable.
This is one of the few blogs that can turn an annoying and stupid comment into something funny. I would just make annoyed seethy hissy sounds at the stupidity.
This means you are no longer a feminist, Sady! Because you have a sense of HUMOUR! MY HEAD IS IMPLODING.
I must admit, you tricked me with your evil ways, but now that AAC came along and told me the truth, your magic Voldemorty powers no longer work on me.
AAC 419 sounds like a German Machine Gun. I asked you not to post that, but you did anyway! For real! And went right back to your 'read me over here, its better than HERE'. Your opeless. Why do you blog? What social change do you hope to accomplish, specifically is what I would ask if an answer could make it through Snark City. I enjoy your writing, even at my third grade level I'm able to. Thanks. And thanks for tearing down Dworkin, although you made it sound like you invented sleeping with straight guys! AAC419
@AAC 419: O HAI. You know, given the fact that this blog is mainly devoted to media criticism, and to discussions of how issues that matter to women are excluded from public discussions, you MIGHT WELL conclude that the "social change" I wish to accomplish is bringing more of those concerns to the table, either in this blog or in other stuff that I write. But to explain this to you would be to give you legitimacy, and given that you're clearly up in a huff about other, unrelated things (OH NOES SOMEONE DOESN'T AGREE WITH DWORKIN), I don't care to do that.
As for "inventing sex with straight guys," I assume you are referring to my post entitled "SEX WITH STRAIGHT GUYS: A New Invention, For Which I Take All The Credit." One of my better posts, in fact! Here is another thing I invented all by myself: e-mail. My "e-mailing address" is right on the sidebar, and I do not publish things sent to me by those means. Getting pissed about the fact that I published this is getting pissed off about the fact that I held you accountable, which: again, go fuck yourself. You don't get to insult me privately AND remain anonymous. Which must be tough, given that you're such a coward.
Sady Sady Sady, he asked (actually he told) you not to post his comment! And you went and posted it anyway! Bad Sady!
What I don't get is why AAC #419 kept talking about you in the third person, rather than to you.
Such a narrative choice begs to published to a larger audience.
You know, in all seriousness, AC419, the fact that you think one woman blogging can't do any social good pisses me off. Yes, let's none of us speak our minds. "Social change" isn't like a singular big superhero that swoops down and through one action, changes everything. It's thousands of minds, processing and reprocessing everything, over years and years, that slowly erode the institutions. Whether it's through writing, art, public office, charity; change never happens instantly. Each person is an agent of change, multiplied tenfold.
You claim to be another feminist, an ally, but through your actions, you're actually an enemy. You don't want "social change", obviously.
-Jenn
It's so true, Jenn! Social change happens all the time: it's what happens when Sady refuses to apologise for being so awesome; it's what happens when people actually talk about how we depict ourselves to ourselves (that'd be the moofies, my friends); it's about the new kinds of conversations that can happen. Your conversation, though, AAC419, is old, and familiar, and let me tell you, women are weary of being shamed for doing either too much ('you don't shave your what?! That's so excessive!') or too little ('You think this is going to make any difference?!') for political change. So take your oppressive crap elsewhere, silverplate! We's got ladybusiness to be gettin' on with, here!
Excellent post – I've been following your blog since a link from Whedonesque on your Dollhouse analysis and I've found great value in your writing. I also sincerely hope you're doing better with regards to panic attacks. I just began experiencing some for the first time this spring and can attest that they're not a big ball of fun and sunshine.
AAC #419 is obviously 'enry 'iggins – 'e thinks you're 'opeless, he does!