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“The concept for our video is, ‘Things You Can Airbrush Onto Your Van.’”

Here are some questions you may not have asked yourself recently: what is former Deep Purple guitarist Ritchie Blackmore up to? And, WHAT HATH REN-FAIRE WROUGHT?

Well, good news for you! I have your answers! They are both contained within this clip.

There are some things you will be thinking, as this mystical journey of musical wonderment (“Locked Within the Crystal Ball,” a song which infallible research source Wikipedia dates back to the 14th century, and which was probably Ye Olde Room-Clearer back then too) unfolds before you, courtesy of Sir Richard of Blackmore and his bride, Thee Faire Ladye Candace Night. Like, OMG HER SLEEVES! And: you can’t actually get that sound from a balalaika/lute/mandolin/Unspecified Ren-Faire Instrument, Ritchie! And: did Stevie Nicks donate her schtick to the Salvation Army? Is that how this happened? And, finally: OMG SHE WILL NOT LET US IGNORE THE SLEEVES! But nothing – nothing, I tell you – will prepare you for the miraculous Ren-Fairesplosion that occurs at 3:10. It is so wonderful that, when the second instance of insanity occurs at 3:38, you will not be immediately able to comprehend it. You will still be reeling.

18 Comments

  1. L wrote:

    OMG. That is, I don’t know what. Sad? Terrifying? Sadderiffying? And possibly animal abuse? (Not even the horn: Making the horse listen to the music on set while Night danced/writhed.)

    It did make me miss Stevie Nicks, though. Fleetwood Mac vids, here I come!

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 2:25 pm | Permalink
  2. C.L. Minou wrote:

    It’s like every bad Jethro Tull album I ever listened to. By which I mean, bought. By which I mean, OMG I was the biggest geek in the world in high school and even my gender stuff is no excuse and that snaps it and I’m off to read more Buffy the Vampire Slayer graphic novels which are at least socially sanctioned geekery.

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 2:41 pm | Permalink
  3. HonoriaG wrote:

    I have several friends who not only own, but publicly (and proudly) wear Blackmore’s Night t-shirts. It amuses me to no end.

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 3:55 pm | Permalink
  4. smadin wrote:

    Oh my shit, Sady, you have destroyed my brain. Reactions are as follows:
    1) WTF?
    2) “And: you can’t actually get that sound from a balalaika/lute/mandolin/Unspecified Ren-Faire Instrument, Ritchie!” Sure you can! Because,
    2a) on the one hand, that’s just a regular electric guitar (in most shots; in some it’s a double-necked electric) he’s playing, with an unusual body shape and a classical-style head — I think the soundhole’s just painted on, in fact — and because,
    2b) on the other hand, the Red Elvises find your lack of faith…disturbing.
    3) UNICORN WTF?
    4) RECORDER WTF?!?
    5) I like that at around 4:25 when it’s silhouetted in fog and rearing, the horn is clearly wobbling.
    6) In conclusion, WTF?

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 4:35 pm | Permalink
  5. Magnetic Crow wrote:

    I’ve been listening to ‘Blackmore’s Night’ for a while, actually. Yes, I am a nerd. And a woman.

    The videos I’d never seen before, and yes that is ridiculous.
    Though I defy you to find anything more ridiculous and embarrassing than Luca Turilli and his band ‘Rhapsody’. Look up the video for the song “Ancient forest of Elves”.
    I dare you.

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 4:49 pm | Permalink
  6. yinyang wrote:

    Curse you, Sady! Now the song’s stuck in my head.

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 5:06 pm | Permalink
  7. smadin wrote:

    OK, I have no choice at this point, what with the brain-destroying, but to raise the ante.

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 5:12 pm | Permalink
  8. You were not wrong!Still. REELING. Cannot believe I just sat through that.

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 5:16 pm | Permalink
  9. SugarLeigh wrote:

    O.M.G.

    This video makes me SO happy. It’s a truly terrible music vid, but I absolutely LOVE IT.

    Been a fan of Blackmore’s Night for some time (I don’t know whether you made your joke without knowing this or not but they DO play at ren faires!).

    Also, no amount of waving them about will prevent me from stealing that woman’s sleeves. I must, must have them. XD

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 5:25 pm | Permalink
  10. Yay, rauschpfeife! (that’s the instrument at 3:38)

    And it looks like she’s really playing it, by the way.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 1:26 am | Permalink
  11. And: you can’t actually get that sound from a balalaika/lute/mandolin/Unspecified Ren-Faire Instrument, Ritchie!
    and
    SMADIN’s 2a) on the one hand, that’s just a regular electric guitar (in most shots; in some it’s a double-necked electric) he’s playing, with an unusual body shape and a classical-style head — I think the soundhole’s just painted on, in fact

    I have no clue what kind of geekery I am about to expose in myself, but behold, the Electric Oud: http://www.oud.net/electric.htm Which is effectively an electric lute. It probably says something terrible about me that I didn’t even have to google to find out if electric lutes are possible, just to find pictures

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 5:05 am | Permalink
  12. Katie wrote:

    Agh! I too was going to point out the wobbling horn. DELICIOUS.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 6:34 am | Permalink
  13. smadin wrote:

    Oh, I see I made a mistake: Blackmore’s just playing the one thing, the other guy’s playing the double-necked one.
    Slave2TehTink, they’ve definitely got oud-like body shapes, if ouds came in a cutaway body, but I don’t think they are. Check out the neck, which is fretted, and has single strings, not courses. (On further consideration I think the double-necked one is a double-necked-oud-shaped electric bass.)

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 11:02 am | Permalink
  14. Helen wrote:

    Bless you Smadin, I was just thinking “ooh I’d love to post a link to that guy who’s even sillier than this, but I can’t remember his name…” Tx!

    Blackmore is completely tragic. He could be propped up dead with a backing track for all the movement and life in him. I don’t think he looks up once. Towards the end one of his feet moves a little. Drug induced burnout, or simply deep and miserable cynicism with this awful project?

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 2:55 am | Permalink
  15. Karen wrote:

    Never get between a lady and her horse. Er, fakeunicorn, whatever. (You did see the longing looks they exchanged?)

    Along with her sleeves, I covet her hair/eyelash extension combo.

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 1:52 pm | Permalink
  16. sihaya09 wrote:

    Dude, I am a pretty big Renfest nerd and I could BARELY make it through that.

    Tuesday, August 25, 2009 at 5:18 pm | Permalink
  17. Jezebella wrote:

    Oh my. Is it just me, or does that blonde singer looks like that republican woman from the View? I was also wondering if Mr. Blackmore was in fact an animatronic wax statue. He certainly looks completely depressed by his garb.

    Friday, August 28, 2009 at 3:10 pm | Permalink
  18. belledame222 wrote:

    WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    damn. she’s entirely too *perky* for that, on top of everything else. at least Stevie Nicks’ twee feyness was DEEPLY FELT, dammit.

    at least comparatively

    Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 11:34 pm | Permalink