So, I was reading this biography of Wittgenstein last night, before I went to bed. I know, right? I am so intellectual and well-read and so on and so forth! But actually, no I am not: I have been sort of assigned to read this biography, by someone who likes it. The biographical literary work I myself am reading, for fun, is Patti Smith’s memoir about Robert Mapplethorpe. Because it was on sale, and autographed, and I had only intended to pick up some magazines, but it was right there. By the register. Like it knew.
So, anyway, I was reading this biography of Wittgenstein last night, because I am so smart. And I was learning that, like many of us, Wittgenstein apparently had some very embarrassing tastes in college reading. Like, this guy Weininger?
The essence of Woman, [Weininger] says, is her absorption in sex. She is nothing but sexuality; she is sexuality itself. Whereas men possess sexual organs, “her sexual organs possess Women.” The female is completely preoccupied with sexual matters, whereas the male is interested in much else, such as war, sport, social affairs, philosophy and science, business and politics, religion and art… For [Woman], thinking and feeling are the same thing. She looks to man, who thinks in clear and articulated ideas, to clarify her data; to interpret her henids.* That is why women fall in love only with men cleverer than themselves.
And then I was like, “BRB Wittgenstein biography, got to write for Salon’s Broadsheet about James Franco, who now seems a little less bright than one would hope, based on his recently published short story, which of course makes him less sexually attractive.”
But did you notice that this story ends with me writing a piece for Salon’s Broadsheet? Because, yes, it does! Also there is a piece on child abuse legislation and the problems of reporting child abuse! By me! There! So we are all very excited and happy now.
And also! LaToya! PETERSON!
*Yeah. There’s a whole complicated explanation. But, for the record, “henids” basically translates to “stupid lady thoughts, that ladies have, because they are stupid.” Glad I could clear that one up for you. Also, on the list of Weininger’s Favorite Things, we can include: Anti-Semitism! Which, because he was Jewish, worked out really badly. Weininger is really tough to think about for very long. And has nothing to do with this story. Look, I’m sorry I brought it up, all right?