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THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE: Advice for Deleted Commenters, From a Puppy

[Sady is trying very hard to be a nicer and less confrontational person. However, she still sometimes gets bad Internet comments! And is, of course, tempted to respond to them, which really takes a toll on the whole "nice" project. Therefore, we are introducing a new Tiger Beatdown comment moderator: Hektor, An Adorable Puppy. He will be looking through your comments and personally deciding whether or not they are stupid. On the occasion of a particularly stupid comment, he will opine.]

Hello, Internet people! My name is Hektor. And soon you will know my wrath.

But before we begin, there are a few things you ought to know. First: I’m an adorable puppy. Like, really really super adorable. Check this shit out:

-1

WHOA. THAT IS AN ADORABLE FUCKING PUPPY, RIGHT THERE. You just want to nuzzle him, and pet his head, and toss him a tennis ball, and feed him treats, and feed him more treats, and procure for him the finest of beef steaks, and then feed that to him, and then give him additional treats, and… wait, what? Sorry. I got distracted.

Anyway: Adorable puppy. Me. I’m glad we got that sorted. So, here is the second thing you need to know: You all work for me now.

So, I don’t really get the Internet. I mean, what the fuck are you people doing all day? Typing into boxes? Reading the typing of other people, in additional boxes? Looking at pictures of cats? FUCK PICTURES OF CATS. Here, I’ve got a cat picture for you:

-2

Oh, snap! That’s not a picture of a cat at all! That’s a picture of me, and therefore is way better!

One thing I do know about the Internet, however, is that people get really sour there.  Sometimes, they get so very sour that they absolutely have to leave a blog comment about it. And sometimes, those comments are really, really stupid! And sometimes people get really, really defensive about their comments being stupid! People don’t like to be told where to stick it, basically. You know what they do like, though: ADORABLE PUPPIES. Of which I am one. Therefore, whenever it is time to tell someone where to stick it, I think it will be easiest for all of us if the news comes from me. Because what are you going to do? Hate me? You would seriously hate an adorable puppy? YOU MONSTER.

Sooooo, let’s look through this comment bag of mine! Oh, look: Sady and Amanda apparently discussed “chivalry.” Turns out, some ladies don’t like “chivalry!” Turns out, some dudes DO. Like, really, really do. Dudes like “Dustin.”

Ok, so I have read this article and you cannot be further off the mark. I am a southern man who was raised with the idea of “Southern Gentleman” taught to me. Here is the deal. Chivalry is actually a form or respect for women.

Yes, Dustin, a “form of respect!” Much like wandering around on the Internet until you find a blog post you disagree with, then taking a big stinky hundreds-of-words-long dump all over it! That seems super fucking respectful to me! I have an idea, Dustin: Since you’re so into the South and being Southern, why don’t you move even further South? Why don’t you go all the way South… TO HELL.

(You know what I hear they have a lot of, in Hell? Cat pictures.)

(I’M JUST SAYING.)

(THE TRUTH HURTS.)

We don’t open doors for women because they are weak. We don’t defend women because they cannot defend themselves. We don’t do it for the honor.

So, okay, Dustin: You don’t defend women because they cannot defend themselves. Why do you defend them?

…Oh. Turns out it’s because women cannot defend themselves, and also they’re stupid. Check it out:

If I see a 130lb woman in a bar being mistreated by a 300lb meathead I am more than likely to try to defend her. There is a reason for that. It is not that she cannot defend herself. For all I know she may be a friggin black-belt special forces assasin, but I can see little things about 300lb meathead that most women either cannot or do not pick up on.

Oh, yeah. You know, that well-established tendency of women to just stand there and let themselves be treated badly because they’re too stupid to notice it! Or to get scared! Women seriously have no self-protective instinct, dude. You can basically sit a woman in the middle of the road and run her over with a truck if you want. “What is that large, noisy metal object coming at my face?” She’ll be thinking. “I’m sure it means well, in any case!” That is why we respect women: They are not smart, never try to defend themselves, and cannot take care of themselves unless a man tells them what to do.

Wait. That doesn’t seem right.

It’s the way the veins move in his neck and head, the way his pupils dialate, the way he breaths and his nostrils move. These things indicate to other men that this particular meathead has violence in his mind. I could even look at meathead and tell you what kind of violence, just by these little cues. I can look at him and tell that he intends to harm and rape the lady he is harassing.

Holy shit, you guys! Dustin has SUPERPOWERS! I think he might be the Batman! Or the Spiderman! Or the X-Man! I don’t know, I’m like five months old, I don’t read comics. (“Hektor, you got that comic reference totally wrong!” — Serious comic-book-reading Internet people. “Arf arf grr snargle pee.” — Hektor.) He is some kind of Man, in any case. He left a whole fucking comment about it, so I’m pretty sure.

Let us be clear, Dustin: I’m a fucking dog. I crap on the street. I eat meat-flavored crackers out of a bowl. My immediate response, upon encountering any new and intriguing object, is to put it RIGHT THE FUCK IN MY FACE and chew on it. I have, on more than one occasion, rolled around in my own feces; I can figure out how to go up stairs, but not how to go down them. What the hell is that, opposite stairs?

-3

No.

My point is, Dustin, I’m a simple dude. I don’t think deeply about things. There’s a lot I haven’t figured out. Mostly I coast on the whole “adorable puppy” thing. But even I know that the passing city bus is a terrible monster and wants to eat me and I must run, RUNNNNNNN AWAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY; even I, that is, get scared when I see something dangerous. The only reason anyone would not be scared of danger is that it looks like something else; like, maybe if it looks, Dustin, like what they  see every day.

So, like, here I am, projecting myself into the mind of a human chick. It’s a stretch! And yet, I manage! I am a human chick, and I’ve been told that I have to get dudes to do everything for me, from paying for dinner to opening the door to protecting me from danger to telling me what does and does not constitute danger and what I am allowed to do about it; I’ve also been told that dudes can and should be aggro, when they’re doing stuff for me. As a human chick, I get treated a lot like a dog, actually! But, like, a dog with a multitude of really bad, mean owners. And here I am, standing in front of an aggro dude who seems like he wants to tell me what to do. But, like, aren’t all dudes aggro? And don’t they all want to tell me what to do? Aren’t I basically not allowed to make my own decisions? Shouldn’t I stand here and wait until a dude comes along to settle the situation?

Seems to me, Dustin, that chivalry doesn’t “protect” female helplessness at all. Seems to me, Dustin, that chivalry causes it. I mean, you know, you can go on ahead fist-fightin’ with the dudes and using your magically keen super-senses to psychically detect criminals. But, as an adorable puppy, I have some very keen senses myself. And right now, I’m getting a really strong scent of Douche.

80 Comments

  1. Ellie wrote:

    I have never commented before, because I’ve never thought of anything clever or insightful to add to the discussion.

    I still have nothing clever or insightful to add, but OH MY GOODNESS THIS WAS AMAZING.

    I keep laughing and smiling. and I want that puppy.

    and then I laugh more.

    it’s amazing. that is all.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 3:48 pm | Permalink
  2. Sooz wrote:

    Just when I thought Tiger Beatdown could not get more awesome. I welcome our new puppy overlord and offer him scritchies.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 3:59 pm | Permalink
  3. Teaspoon wrote:

    Hektor, you are indeed an adorable puppy, and also, you have an excellent way with words. I wish you a nice long tummy rub this afternoon, if tummy rubs are your kind of thing.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:07 pm | Permalink
  4. tree wrote:

    i hereby pledge my undying devotion to hektor. long may he arf arf grr snargle pee!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm | Permalink
  5. Dear Hektor,

    You’re the kind of puppy that other puppies look up to and admire and wish to emulate. Also share their chew toys and snacks with.

    I find your keen insight into the female mind quite fascinating and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. I’d even send you treats if I could. ;)

    Sincerely,

    Me

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm | Permalink
  6. smadin wrote:

    What the hell is that, opposite stairs?

    This had me cracking up at my desk. Awesome.

    I, for one, welcome our new adorable puppy overlords.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:22 pm | Permalink
  7. alanna wrote:

    I, for one, welcome our new Puppy Overlord!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:30 pm | Permalink
  8. alanna wrote:

    Oh! Smadin beat me to it! If only I’d started reading this 9 minutes earlier!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:31 pm | Permalink
  9. Crito wrote:

    Not only did you tell off a commenter who read what you wrote but didn’t actually listen, you also entered the “people who will visit any web site – ANY WEB SITE – with puppy pictures on it” market.

    Two birds, one stone. Well played, madam.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:42 pm | Permalink
  10. rhiain wrote:

    Delurking just to express undying affection. This just totally made my not-very-good-so-far day.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:47 pm | Permalink
  11. Hektor is welcome to visit me any time.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:48 pm | Permalink
  12. Beth Turner wrote:

    Very well played! I’m not a “dog person” but even I get squealing and unable to get angry at an adorable puppy!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:52 pm | Permalink
  13. Brigitte wrote:

    Fucking genius.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:53 pm | Permalink
  14. Gayle Force wrote:

    Hektor, that was an incredible first post. And you are a VERY adorable puppy.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:55 pm | Permalink
  15. Jody Reale wrote:

    I used to think that “TB” stood for tuberculosis, but now I know better. Tiger Beatdown.
    Jody
    PS. Meat-flavored crackers: Yes, please.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:59 pm | Permalink
  16. Mel wrote:

    Oh Hector. You are so cute you almost tempt me away from cats (don’t make me choose!)

    Who to believe about chivalry?

    1. Men who claim it’s a form of respect.
    2. Women who do not feel respected by chivalrous men

    Gosh, so tough.

    If chivalrous dudes want to respect women, they could find a form of respect that women actually appreciate. Wacky!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 4:59 pm | Permalink
  17. solara wrote:

    Thank you for making me laugh so hard I cried, Hektor.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 5:02 pm | Permalink
  18. GarlandGrey wrote:

    It isn’t just that you told him to go fuck himself, it’s that you OUTSOURCED it.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 5:36 pm | Permalink
  19. CassieC wrote:

    Wait a doggone (hihi) second! If Hektor, the five month old puppy, can project himself into the mind of a chick, what does that say about all the manfiction authors The Rejectionist was discussing who can’t?

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 5:57 pm | Permalink
  20. Marley wrote:

    Hektor, you are so great. I wish you could tell everyone off when they’ve metaphorically lost their pants.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 6:03 pm | Permalink
  21. JMS wrote:

    Chivalry is, AT BEST, a booby prize meant to compensate for second-class status.

    I love that Dustin thinks he’s better at reading an assailant than any woman, including a woman who is a Special Forces assassin. Yeah, because self-identifying as female means that you can’t listen to any of the workshops in Special Forces assassin school; all we hear is “Puppies are cute!” and “Shopping is fun!” while Sarge is telling us how to kill someone with a banana.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 6:10 pm | Permalink
  22. Caitiecat wrote:

    all we hear is “Puppies are cute!” and “Shopping is fun!” while Sarge is telling us how to kill someone with a banana.

    Wow, I missed that class, or I was dreaming of shopping or something. Sarge, do we have the banana, or does the attacker? I could see ways it would matter. I just wanna know the scenario before the exercise – OOOH! A PUPPY! LOOK A PUPPY!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 6:16 pm | Permalink
  23. Kayla wrote:

    Puppies > Kittens.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 6:17 pm | Permalink
  24. of making many books wrote:

    Has any person ever done Real Research that would prove my amateurish theory about the patriarchal institution that is starting off sentences with things like “Here’s the deal” or “Look.” ? Or can anyone at least corroborate my amateurish recent-mental-note-taking that the people who start off sentences like that tend to be Dudes? Kind of like how ladies are socialized to apologize more… I’m starting to think it’s a Dude thing (see: Dustin + commenters at the Atlantic) to start off sentences with a phrase that announces that you know things that the person you are addressing does not. (aka [BONERS])

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 6:37 pm | Permalink
  25. Lilly wrote:

    I loved this. Hektor is adorable.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 6:38 pm | Permalink
  26. Helen wrote:

    Another thing about starting a sentence with something like “Here’s the deal:” it’s aggressive, and, forgive me, Hektor, but- hectoring. It smacks of “take it or leave it, woman-thing.”
    Hektor, I enjoyed your smackdowns very much and look forward to reading more from you in future.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 7:30 pm | Permalink
  27. Nikki wrote:

    Opposite stairs! My dog hates them too! Something seriously wrong about those things. Stairs that go down, it’s like hills inside the earth. It’s just wrong!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 7:35 pm | Permalink
  28. m. wrote:

    I laughed so hard at “I eat meat-flavored crackers out of a bowl” I couldn’t actually read it to my boyfriend who was sitting across the couch, wondering in god’s name I was laughing so hard about.

    This is not just because I’m somewhat tipsy. It’s because you are amazing, Sady.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 7:39 pm | Permalink
  29. orestes wrote:

    please tell me this is going to be a regular thing!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 7:45 pm | Permalink
  30. Bel wrote:

    I’m just here to say “LOL”.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 8:20 pm | Permalink
  31. Brennan wrote:

    Brilliant. Particularly since Hektor the Adorable Puppy appears to have some pit bull in him, which I find so damn appropriate. A misunderstood, adorable, cuddly attack breed. :D

    Hope to hear more from you, Hektor (perhaps an expanded illustrated autobiography in blog post format? *makes puppy dog eyes*).

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 8:52 pm | Permalink
  32. Shinobi wrote:

    Hektor I would like to rub your ears and tell you what a good boy you are, but I cannot, so you’ll have to settle for this comment.

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 9:39 pm | Permalink
  33. Seraph wrote:

    OH MY GOD HEKTOR IS THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD

    LOOK AT HIS FACE AT THE OPPOSITE STAIRS

    DUNCAN IS A DICK

    OR WAS HIS NAME DUSTIN

    WHATEVER OMG PUPPY

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 9:39 pm | Permalink
  34. I also strongly support the continued takedowns of asshat/douchnozzle commenters by Hektor the dog. I can see myself getting tired of it, but only after reading it posted more than daily for say, about a month.

    GO HEKTOR!

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 10:29 pm | Permalink
  35. Eva wrote:

    I would be so sad if Sady became nicer and less confrontational! I <3 confrontational Sady.

    Also, ditto the comments about Hektor being hilarious & awesome, and this post causing uncontrollable laughter.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 12:43 am | Permalink
  36. Stormy wrote:

    I have to admit that I enjoyed this post so much that I want to make a moronic comment so Hector will make fun of me next.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:01 am | Permalink
  37. Louise wrote:

    This started off my working day perfectly. Many thanks for that.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:24 am | Permalink
  38. roesmoker wrote:

    Agree on everything – Hektor is fucking cute, Dustin is a total douche, and Hektor’s eating meat-flavored crackers out of a bowl (and knowing the bus is going to eat him) is lolarious.

    Also @ Helen – I totally agree and another one is “Um” – when someone starts a sentence with “Um”, it’s almost always sarcastic, douchetastic and 9 times out of 10 perpetrated by a Penis-American. (Television Without Pity actually bans all comments starting with “um” for the first reason.)

    (Is anyone else hearing “Greased Lightning” now? Just me then)

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:54 am | Permalink
  39. roesmoker wrote:

    ps also laughed a lot at “The X-Man” – I totally thought there was like a single X-Man before dudebros enlightened me on Comix

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:55 am | Permalink
  40. 01d55 wrote:

    If you find yourself wondering, “Self, you don’t know a whole lot about comics, but you sure would like to know if there’s a person in the comics with Dustin’s amazing abilities and if so who that person is,” then this is the comment for you! Otherwise, this comment is of casual interest at best.

    That person is Cassandra Cain, the second Batgirl.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 3:15 am | Permalink
  41. Goroman wrote:

    Instead of “chivalry”, how about we just treat everyone like fucking human beings, with respect and courtesy? And puppies, lots of adorable puppies.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 5:19 am | Permalink
  42. moxicityˇ wrote:

    Actually, when I read the chivalry article and whatnot, I think I commented but then I forgot one thing I also wanted to say, so I’ll say it here.

    I’m not that into chivalry myself, but also I expect some forms of it from my male partner. Like, sometimes I am too lazy to carry my heavy-ish laptop bag from the car to inside, so I ask him to do it and whatnot. But also, I make and bring him food, so it’s like a reciprocal thing?

    I mean, I personally think these often silly chivalry things are acceptable when expressed between two intimate people. I *do* kind of expect my partner to treat me a certain way in public, but also I reciprocate in my own. sometimes typically feminine ways. But ALSO also this is the nature of our relationship, which others don’t and shouldn’t necessarily know about: I enjoy being protected and cherished in certain moments and I let him know that.

    We have a pretty typical guy-girl relationship,like: I don’t feel like I need to wear the pants in the house BUT: *he* also doesn’t feel the need to wear the super-manly macho pants. So… I dunno? Chivalry sucks, but men and women still have different characteristics, like I simply am more nurturing than him, in addition to the fact I was raised to be nurturing by society and my family. Then again I establish that I don’t want to be the mommy and caretaker all the fuckin time, so it’s like… balance, hey? Maybe we could have that.

    ANYWAY. Long post about chivalry turned into miniblog about me, a totally random person! Hmm. Do you get what I’m saying, though? Like chivalry and respect aren’t necessarily the same thing but sometimes they look alike. Or I don’t know. Blah. I lack the self-expression skills of Hektor, sadly ):

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 5:55 am | Permalink
  43. Ouyang Dan wrote:

    I have always been a “cat person”, but a dog who can give such a thorough smackdown whilst mastering my penchant for dropping f-bombs like commas…I’m gonna have to make a little room in my heart for Hector.

    Fuck those opposite stairs, Hector. They get me too!

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 6:17 am | Permalink
  44. I snarfled. Out loud.

    Personally, I love it when a dudebro starts explaining to me why he has to treat me like I’m helpless and stupid. It is then that I know I am dealing with a dudebro and can stop paying attention to anything he says.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 6:29 am | Permalink
  45. Just Some Trans Guy wrote:

    “9 times out of 10 perpetrated by a Penis-American.”

    You know what’s awesome and NOT AT ALL TRANSPHOBIC? Equating gender with genitals!

    Seriously, I hope this cutesy awfulness of subbing in genital references for “man” and “woman” dies a horrible, quick death. Because it’s not really that cute, anyways, and it IS completely transphobic.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 9:08 am | Permalink
  46. SKM wrote:

    A pup. Named Hektor. That’s the cutest damn thing I’ve seen since Hector was a pup!

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 12:34 pm | Permalink
  47. Ebichu wrote:

    @Roesmoker: I start way too many sentences with “Um…” or rather “Ehm…” – mainly since I’m raised to believe that I as a woman really shouldn’t bother the men (or other women!) with my views or, you know, correcting their errors.
    So, I end up with a half-assed “Ehm…actually you’re not totally correct, X is Y, not Z. At least that’s what I remember, but my womanly brain might remember things wrongly, even though I checked the internet right now and it didn’t.”

    But perhaps ehm is different from um?

    Also, I’m Swedish so overlook any spelling or grammar errors. If you don’t, Atilla the Hamster might protect my dignity in her chivalrous way.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 12:36 pm | Permalink
  48. IrishUp wrote:

    @ the commentary regarding Uh, umms, “here’s the deal” etc.:

    1. Insofar as these statements are not “I” statements, but purported to represent some supposed universal Other-type person – they’re fucked up.
    2. Gender essentialist statements are fucked up.
    3. Statements that assume the biological gender binary erase people, and are fucked up.
    4. They are also incredibly ableist and xenophobic in erasing people whose speech contains such tics
    for a myriad of reasons, none of which are assholery. This, is also fucked up.
    5. There is also a big helping of classism in marginalizing speech and writing patterns.
    Which is, yanno, fucked up.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 1:00 pm | Permalink
  49. Heather wrote:

    Agghhh, I couldn’t finish this post because my eyes were blurred with tears from laughing so hard. Meat crackers! Opposite stairs! Still laughing.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 1:22 pm | Permalink
  50. Lexica wrote:

    There’s a difference between speech, in which interjections like “um” and “er” are natural and understandable, and writing (for example, leaving comments on a blog post), where one has the chance to read, reread, and edit one’s words before posting.

    In a situation where one is assumed to have read one’s own words before clicking “post” or “submit comment”, beginning a sentence with “Um…” is a deliberate act, and is often considered hostile. The subtext is “your stupidity astounds me to the extent of rendering me speechless, but I’ll try to pull myself together to explain just how wrong and stupid you are.”

    And to anyone whose response is “well, that’s not how *I* mean it!” I’ll paraphrase something from a discussion years ago on rec.arts.bodyart: “If you get the words ‘FUCK YOU’ tattooed on your forehead, that may mean *to you* ‘I love everybody and want to make love to everybody’, but that’s not how most people who see it will interpret it. And what *you* mean by it makes zero difference to how *they* interpret it.”

    Yay, Hektor. Looking forward to further contributions!

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 1:38 pm | Permalink
  51. Bernadette wrote:

    Moxicity- Is there some reason that you assume that you and your boyfriend are perfect and pure examples of the species and therefore represent all humans everywhere, ever? It may be true that you are simply more nurturing than your boyfriend. It’s quite another to generalize that to billions of other people.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 2:47 pm | Permalink
  52. The Best Kelly wrote:

    You know my thoughts Re: you becoming nicer and less confrontational. I feel I have been a bad influence on you…Also Hektor – last time I was over I thought you were just trying to chew my laptop, but now I realize it was an attempt to write an advice for deleted commenters post! Sorry I wouldn’t let you near my comp. Next time you can use it as long as you try to keep the slobber to a minimum.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 3:28 pm | Permalink
  53. tiernafeminista wrote:

    LOL! THIS IS AWESOME! Thank you so much for this.

    I love you, Hektor.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 4:32 pm | Permalink
  54. Ennu wrote:

    “Puppies > Kittens”

    NEVER!!!!!!!

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 4:58 pm | Permalink
  55. snobographer wrote:

    You know what’s one of the primary indicators of a dude having rapey inclinations? When he insists on imposing something on you (ie chivalry, whatever the hell that is) when you’ve told him you don’t want him to. Also, his insistence that he knows better what you really want than you do. Never a good sign. If there’s some special nostril motion cue though, I’m not hip to it.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 6:42 pm | Permalink
  56. snobographer wrote:

    And Dustin, if you see a woman being harassed and she’s being calm and smiley and polite, she knows she’s being harassed and that there could be danger afoot. She’s doing what she can, what women have learned for millenia to do, to de-escalate and get out of Dodge. Making blatantly horrified damsel-in-distress faces like in the silent movies has never actually gotten a lady out of a jam.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm | Permalink
  57. Ellie wrote:

    Yay puppy overlord!

    (Please don’t tell him that the kitties just didn’t want the job. It would break his precious puppy heart).

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 10:17 pm | Permalink
  58. Anni wrote:

    Uhm, … So, like, here I am, projecting myself into the mind of a puppy. And all I could do was channel that inner puppy and wag and pee all over the floor from the pure excitement of reading this post.

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 11:08 pm | Permalink
  59. roesmoker wrote:

    I apologize for the transphobia of my comment in equating penis-having to being a cisgendered male. I was blithely quoting Twisty (out of context) and didn’t think about the implications until way after it was posted (by that time I was at work, where I dare do very little personal browsing due to my company being Big Brother).

    As far as the “um” thing goes, thank you Lexica for clarifying my intent on that. That was exactly what I meant by it. There was no ill intent towards anyone starting a sentence with Um other those who deliberately use it with hostile intentions.

    Ebichu, don’t worry – that’s obviously not you.

    Thursday, June 10, 2010 at 1:35 am | Permalink
  60. Theresa wrote:

    “Look at this beautiful motherf***ing dog.”

    Thursday, June 10, 2010 at 4:35 pm | Permalink
  61. Tavi wrote:

    “Southern Gentleman” was enough to make me laugh, even before Hektor started TAKING EVERYTHING THIS ASSHOLE WROTE AND FLINGING IT BACK IN HIS SUPERHERO FACE. My god I love this blog.

    Also, it’s nice to know I’m not the only girl who doesn’t notice bulging neck veins because I mistake them for pretty necklaces. The only thing I know about, really!

    Thursday, June 10, 2010 at 6:34 pm | Permalink
  62. Just Some Trans Guy wrote:

    Roesmoker,

    Thanks much. And truth to tell, I should’ve been way less cranky about it–but it’s something I’ve been seeing a lot of lately, and it does grate.

    And I totally hear you on work/Big Brother issues. *nods*

    Also, I’ve noticed I have no manners and should’ve said before: Hektor is tres adorable, and this post was way funnier than a “blog post written by a dog” has any right to be.

    Thursday, June 10, 2010 at 6:56 pm | Permalink
  63. Tavi wrote:

    PS, can I please hire you to moderate/yell at comments on my blog? Kthnx.

    Thursday, June 10, 2010 at 9:24 pm | Permalink
  64. nickie0330 wrote:

    Thanks, Dustin, for reminding me of one of the reasons I hate that I’m Southern, and also a lady. I’ve dealt with this shit all of my life, and it’s always gone something like, “Would you mind to treat me like a person?” “What the fuck are you too stupid to tell I’m being NICE!” with absolutely no regard to the fact that if they were being nice, I’d probably FEEL…you know, nice about it.

    I’ve heard dudes pissing and moaning all my life about women not appericating their special efforts to treat them with respect, all the while totally lacking the self-awareness to see that to them, being nice to women requires special effort and that is pretty fucked up, and pretty telling as to how they view women in the first place.

    Friday, June 11, 2010 at 1:48 am | Permalink
  65. nickie0330 wrote:

    also, spelling fail on my part, sorry! I can’t see the type box thing as I go.

    Friday, June 11, 2010 at 1:49 am | Permalink
  66. JMS wrote:

    Oh, my gosh, Moxicity! Thanks for your post! It has cleared up so much for me!

    You see, thanks to your amazing sciencey facts, I have just found out that I am actually a man! Even though I had thought I was a woman! And the person I am married to is actually a woman! Even though I (and he) had thought he was a man!!

    I know, right? But I can lift heavier things than him, and he is way more nurturing than me, so obviously we must both be suffering from hitherto undiagnosed gender dysphoria!

    Hey, here’s a thought! Why don’t we just treat people as individuals, rather than try to draw statistical inferences from imaginary groups and then assign them to real people’s gender self-identifications! I know, right?

    Friday, June 11, 2010 at 8:38 pm | Permalink
  67. JMS wrote:

    Note: I actually hate the term “gender dysphoria,” which is DSM-ese for “understandable rage and sorrow at constantly being misgendered by society and having one’s gender self-identification not taken seriously.”

    Friday, June 11, 2010 at 8:39 pm | Permalink
  68. Hilary wrote:

    While I really enjoy a thorough lashing of outright stupidity, re: I’m stalking the internet for places to deposit my opinion and deny the validity upon which a person’s entire work is based – I get frustrated with the overly sarcastic and combative comments aimed at other commentors. Granted, I’ve seen some outrageous comments and been happy to see thoughtful people disentangle the problematic assumptions they were based on. But I object to the cruelty some people use to attack commentors who are genuinely trying to engage in the conversation but may not have the same experience or the education in the field as others in this community.

    I think these interactions get way heightened on the internet. I know I feel I have the freedom to be much snarkier in writing than I would feel proud of face-to-face with someone. We have to remember that we’re all humans behind these machines, many of which are earnest and trying their best to sort through things that don’t always seem to make sense, or have a solution, even to feminists.

    While I think a lot of Moxicity’s gender assumptions are problematic, I do not feel she was particularly aggressive in her post, but rather provisional – she is unsure how to reconcile the pleasure she gets from certain male-female interactions with a feminist perspective. I can identify with this! She doesn’t quite articulate it this way, I know, but I see her struggling with that, and checking it in with the group. Isn’t that what this space is for? Does she deserve to be demeaned and shut up, perhaps turned away from a community that should instead be concerned with engaging on these issues?

    Anyway, I really enjoy the discussions here at Tiger Beatdown. And I am heartened to see exchanges resolved like the one between Roesmoker and Just Some Trans Guy – with respect. If we only look for opportunities to tear each other apart we will never build anything together.

    …and I just heard that NBC chime for those 90s “The More You Know” commercials in my head. Thanks for listening Hektor.

    Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 4:09 am | Permalink
  69. moxicity wrote:

    In response to Bernadette and JMS: …eh? First, I want to apologize for… what I did/said wrong, even though I’m not entirely sure what that was. Honestly: I’m putting this down to my relative inexperience with all these subjects, and I really really did not write with the intention to generalize or… whatever it is JSM accuses me of. *NOT* sarcasm: I truly did not get it, please point to a link or what have you if you don’t feel like explaining – and you don’t have to. Though I’d like to know where I feminism-failed :)

    Also I probably should’ve thought twice before I commented like I did, since it basically turned into a review of my personal relationship and how I feel about it. I’m sorry again, and really: I tried not to and I don’t think I did hint or say that we are the perfect something-something or the epitome of something-something. What I was going for is that of course it would be ideal if, instead of chivalry, we could simply have mutual respect in society (isn’t this what feminism is going for also?), but in private we all act somewhat different. Because of societally generated gender roles I take advantage of my partner’s maleness because of my own laziness but I also reciprocate with things he is sometimes too lazy to do. And in addition to that I expect a certain , different kind of respect from him and he from me in public that signal we are together that may look like typical chivalry but isn’t exactly.

    And like I said: perhaps shouldn’t have commented, since it’s not relevant and turned into a miniblog about *MEEEE*. Sorry!

    And addendum: JSM, seriously, what? I understand being smacked down for trans-fail and feminism-fail (how else will I learn?), but was my comment really so ignorant? I am kind of baffled at the hostility in your comment. Yes, I needlessly waffled about my personal life, I regret my stupid drive-by commenting habits, but that’s just it – it was egocentric talk about *my* life. Wherein did I claim my narrow life experiences are a statistic?

    Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 7:19 am | Permalink
  70. roesmoker wrote:

    @ Just Some Trans Guy – I also totally hear you about triggering things causing rage, when you keep seeing it over and over and finally you snap and maybe it seems over the top to that last person (FYI it didn’t to me because I saw how hurtful it is) – totally understandable. I feel that way about a lot of things especially rape culture. Like if I have to hear one more rape joke on The Daily Show or Colbert Report I am going to lose my shit. Or if someone else tells me to watch The Vampire Diaries when the first two episodes were so incredibly triggering for date rape and abuse that I couldn’t take it.

    Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 3:13 pm | Permalink
  71. roesmoker wrote:

    PS @Hilary, thank you. The more I see people compounding their original innocent/unintentional error with blustering and defensiveness, the more I try to work on my own response to being called out on things. That said, sometimes ignorance looks an awful lot like trolling. I think the followups usually make it clear which is which.

    Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 3:17 pm | Permalink
  72. Bernadette wrote:

    Moxicity- I can’t speak for JSM, but the major problem I had with your comment was this:

    “Chivalry sucks, but men and women still have different characteristics, like I simply am more nurturing than him”

    You do go on to mention societal factors as contributing, but you’re still taking a very biologically-determined, gender essentialist position which is going to raise a lot of hackles with people who do not fit within those preconceptions like, apparently, JSM, and even with people like me who do. I was not intending to mock you or be cruel, but I do think you ought to question why it you assume that your own personal circumstances are everyone else’s, or at least that yours are normal, which is the root of a great deal of general fail in this kind (or really any kind) of discussion, though I appreciate your willingness to learn.

    Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 6:45 pm | Permalink
  73. Bernadette wrote:

    Err.. JMS. Sorry ’bout that!

    Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 6:49 pm | Permalink
  74. Helen wrote:

    Moxicity: Rather than “chivalry” with all its baggage, why don’t we all try to be nice to each other without making it gendered? I hold doors open for guys when I’m the first one there. It does throw some of them. Why don’t we give a man a seat on the bus if he’s older than us, or ill? Why don’t we prioritise people according to their need for help rather than their gender?

    Monday, June 14, 2010 at 2:58 am | Permalink
  75. Farore wrote:

    @Helen:
    You said:
    Why don’t we prioritise people according to their need for help rather than their gender?

    This comes across, to me, as being particularly ablist and not a very good way to approach social interaction in general. Just like the problems with ‘chivalry’, ‘prioritising’ people based on one’s own evaluation of whether or not they need to be helped can be extremely offensive or hurtful, and says nasty things about the person doing the evaluating and their way of being in the world.

    A better thing might be to throw out ‘prioritising’ human beings altogether and instead treating everyone equally until such point as one individual explicitly indicates that they need help, or assistance, or whatever, and then (if we feel capable) aiding them best we can, but only them, and only for the amount of time it takes to accomplish their request?

    It may sound overly pedantic, but as someone who often reads, to others, as ‘needing help’, I can say that being treated like a ward of society because I don’t move well, or as though it is everybody’s job to cheer me up because I am low on spoons, or whatever, often feels pretty shitty and demeaning and dehumanizing.

    Basically: let’s give people the interactions they want, not what we think is good for them.

    Monday, June 14, 2010 at 12:35 pm | Permalink
  76. moxicity wrote:

    Thanks for the replies, people! :) Reading my original comment *again* and reading your replies over, I get where I made the thought/verbal doodoo. I really am sorry – the tendency to try to “take things lightly” and spew stream-of-consciousness does not fit very well with these discussions, I’m starting to learn. Since my thinking is, partially, in the kyriarchy loop, which I’m trying to get rid of – but I’m not there yet.

    I know it doesn’t *really* excuse me, but I am, after some months of reading, still very new to these subjects and though I try to expand and learn, it’s still incredibly easy to say stupid and hurtful things.

    I’ll try to take what you pointed out to heart, and extra thanks to Hilary for… basically standing up for me/n00bs. I did get very defensive in my second post, but I suppose that’s the natural response to criticism. As Roesmoker also said, ideally you try to work on your responses and become better at receiving criticism and expanding your views.

    In short – learning experience! Sadly at the expense of someones nerves and emotion (JSM & others who were potentially offended). Until next time, Tiger Beatdown.

    Monday, June 14, 2010 at 4:05 pm | Permalink
  77. moxicity wrote:

    …Goddamnit. I meant JMS. Eeee… again. Sorry.

    Monday, June 14, 2010 at 4:14 pm | Permalink
  78. And these visions of wrote:

    1. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this post is so awesome. I died laughing at work and had to act like I was coughing or emitting weird noises or something.

    2. Ok, so obviously the guy who write the comment was a douchetastic asshat, no further evidence needed. But what about stranger intervention into instances of domestic violence, sexual assault, and other fucked up stuff? How can we encourage people to feel like it’s important to confront street harassers, abusers, and assaulters (all things which happen more frequently to women (I think that is a true statement, am I wrong?)) without mkaing it about men “protecting” victimized women so they can keep seeing women as helpless and passive? Obviously we can encourage women to intervene more as well, but what about with men (male-identified/presenting as male)? How do we say “It is important for you, male-presenting individuals”, particularly because of your male privilege, rapport, and position of power with other men, to take a stand when you see women facing assualters, harassers, and abusers” without making it a “protect the dumb lady who can’t protect herself” patriarchy-fest?

    (I’m assuming here that it is a good thing to intervene in these cases of public violence, particularly gendered violence. I suppose one could take issue with that assumption (although I’m skeptical of what the issue would be), but I think this is a fair assumption to start with.)

    Wednesday, June 16, 2010 at 3:43 pm | Permalink
  79. And these visions of wrote:

    In sum: How can we encourage men to help create safe space for women everywhere without just bringing back more stupid chivalry?

    Wednesday, June 16, 2010 at 3:46 pm | Permalink
  80. Just Some Trans Guy wrote:

    Roesmoker,

    “@ Just Some Trans Guy – I also totally hear you about triggering things causing rage, when you keep seeing it over and over and finally you snap and maybe it seems over the top to that last person (FYI it didn’t to me because I saw how hurtful it is) – totally understandable. I feel that way about a lot of things especially rape culture.”

    Sorry I missed this, but YES, god, rape culture is enough to make anyone walk around in a near constant rage.

    Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at 10:42 am | Permalink

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