Tiger Beatdown

Dear Internet,

It has come to my attention that you are watching Glee. That’s nice, Internet! I feel very happy for you, watching Glee, what with the singing and the dancing and OH GOD WHY. WHY WOULDN’T THEY CAST ME IN “BYE BYE BIRDIE” IN HIGH SCHOOL. IT’S THE COMPLETE LACK OF COORDINATION, ISN’T IT. ISN’T IT? I will never be able to watch Glee with complete peace of mind, Internet, due to the fact that I clearly would have made a great “kid who stands in the corner, sort of smiling a little,” and my gifts went unrecognized in their time. Also, I hear you are watching the reality television shows, which I keep learning horrible things about! (More Jenn Pozner! Bonus Jenn! Extra edition Jenn!) But you are, I take it, also watching Vag?

You should be watching Vag, then! For, if nothing else, the following reasons:

1. All ladies!
2. Just ladies!
3. Only ladies!
4. Doing jokes!
5. About ladies!

Oh, and also feminism. For truly, as foretold in the Scrolls of Eld, someday someone would notice how ridiculous the phrase “gonzo feminist pop culture journalism” was (did we have the “gonzo” before now? No? KEEPING IT) and yea, the people would laugh upon it, and slap their knees, so hearty would be their entertainment. It is an entire web comedy series about feminist media. It is about a magazine named Vag; the magazine’s name is generally acknowledged to be ridiculous, and the whole feel is very Bitchbustvenustartupwhatever; it is very pleasing, if you want to feel like the center of the universe, which, let us be honest: You do.

The set-up of Vag is a tricky thing, and could pretty easily fall apart, if you handled it the wrong way: The straight man is Meghan, who seems kinda reasonable and politically unaffiliated and generally dedicated to being The One Who Is Like Jim On The Office, and the feminists are the ridiculous ones, who get most of the laugh lines. These feminists media creators have variously declared celebrities, advertisements, horses, and basically any outfit that is not a sailor suit to be un-feminist, and bangs, buckets of menstrual blood, and roller derby (“the anti-prostitution”) to be examples of feminist thought and behavior. Feminists are so unreasonable! And weird! And they all hate Meghan! Like, seriously, they keep yelling at her. For no reason. It is a running gag. Like I said, it would be easy to do this wrong.

But. There is a level of affection in it that I find laudable, and charming, and would seem to demonstrate that these folks have actually read the stuff they are working from, and even don’t hate it! I don’t know why “don’t hate it” is a surprising thing, to me — oh, wait, yes I do, I spent hours reading the Anon trolling of Privilege Denying Dude and basically SELF-INDUCED A CATATONIC STATE OF DESPAIR — but this thing, it seems without hate! So many of its aspects are right on: The bangs. The loving, fluffy, maddening profile of a celebrity who knows nothing about feminism but is a lady and from Brooklyn and has bangs and would seem generally prone to knitting. The outfits; the sweetie-pie camp-counselor we’re-all-girls-here vibe that lasts right up until WE HAVE TO DECIDE WHETHER SOMETHING IS NOT FEMINIST. Or, the fact that Fennel (who is my favorite; are you supposed to identify most with the journey of Fennel? I strongly suspect “no,” and yet I do; the Fennel within me cries for judgey, judgey release) crouches over her menstrual bucket uttering occasional cries of “THAT’S NOT FEMINIST” in That Tone as they do the celebrity profile, unheeded by all, thereby reliving your every less-than-satisfactory browsing of a Bust issue.

And yet! Now that I have delineated it for you, sloppily and in an incomplete fashion, we must return to our original question: WHAT WILL HAPPEN ON THE “VAG” FINALE NEXT WEEK? So many options! That I have actually given some time to considering, and not just while writing this piece! For example:

• Heavy Flo will school them all with a well-timed and eloquent speech about being the only woman of color in a feminist organization. (Timely!)
• They will finally realize that they are having trouble getting celebrities for the cover and ALL REBA EVER DOES LITERALLY IS PITCH THEM STORIES ABOUT CELEBRITIES. (Zooey Deschanel, even! I-kind-of-seem-like-I-might-knit power!)
• Meghan will find the grace of vintage, feminism, and slightly choppier bangs. Like she almost did last week, and I was so happy that they were going to be a team now, but they hate her again this week, BOO.
• Bethany will find love… with Kit, the intern! Scandal!
• A magazine will be published. Reader letters will be received. They will be, to varying degrees, adoring and incensed. Everyone will question themselves a little, and go on to fight another day, because there’s a new issue to produce, after all.
• Three words: REBA. GETS. SUPERPOWERS.

Predictions, Internet?

Love,

Sady.