Oh, fabulous news, everyone! Aaron Sorkin is making yet another TV show. No, wait, hold the phone: Aaron Sorkin is making yet another TV show… about Keith Olbermann.
I know! I know! I thought I was making it up, too! But I have checked, and this is not in fact my own personal nightmare: This is a real TV show, that is being made, and will probably be shown in the real world, and then people will watch it.
Now, we all know about my issues with The Sork. Oh, we don’t? Well, what a wonderful and unexpected opportunity for me to explain them: I believe The Sork to be a petulant, Internet-trolling, credit-stealing, narcissistic man-baby whose dialogue is composed of endless speechery, whose claim to “intelligence” is based on the constant dropping of migraine-inducingly obvious and middlebrow “references,” whose “politics” are always straight-up middle-of-the-road liberal sanctimony, and also, when people complained that The West Wing was sexist, he produced an episode of The West Wing where a sexy girl got sexually harassed, sexily, and then some plain un-boner-producing lady was all like, “this creates a social and professional environment in which women are valued primarily for their appeal as objects of the male gaze, and/or their compliance in response to sexual attention, and women may therefore be coerced into compliance out of fear for their jobs, or be pressured to present themselves in a highly sexualized manner in order to get productive attention, which eliminates the possibility for true sexual consent given the power dynamics in play, and also, recreates and perpetuates the eroticized imbalance of power between men and women in society itself,” and then everybody was all, “shut up lady, you’re ugly.” But then, which is the REAL ISSUE HERE, there came the stupidest slice of dialogue ever written by man, woman, or magical typing capybara, which, according to a transcript from www.menstuff.org (“The National Men’s Resource”), goes like so:
Ainsley: I like it when the guys tease me. It’s an inadvertent show of respect. I’m on the team and I don’t mind it when it gets sexual and you know what, I like sex.
Ainsley: I don’t think whatever sexuality I have diminishes my power. I think it enhances it.
Celia: And what kind of feminism do you call that?
Ainsley: My kind.
Woman in background: It’s called lipstick feminism. I call it stiletto feminism.
Wow. How could anyone ever call Aaron Sorkin a sexist? He knows how women think so very, very well. For example, they like shoes! And sexual harassment. And shoes! So, whatever. Sexual harassment is an “inadvertent show of respect,” which shows that one is “a part of the team.” Which is why there was that one episode of The West Wing where President Bartlett (Martin Sheen) was all, “DAMN, Sam Seaborn (Rob Lowe), I am going to have to issue a Presidential pardon for your ass, because it is KILLING ME.” And Rob Lowe was like, “thank you Mr. President! I sure do feel like ‘one of the boys!’ Though your respect for me be inadvertent, it is no less profound!”
(Also, “you know what? I like sex.” Oh, hey, ME TOO! What an incredible coincidence! Let me tell you about my long and productive history with the act known as “cunnilingus!” Or, on second thought, let me not do that, because we are AT WORK and the subject is SEXUAL HARASSMENT, Captain Non Sequitur.)
Anyway. The Sork, whose work has oft caused him to come across as a petulant, narcissistic, sexist blowhard of a man-baby, is making a show about Keith Olbermann, whose work has oft caused him to come across as a petulant, narcissistic… oh. OHHHHHHHH.
Well. So far, so hideously inevitable. But what if I told you that this show by The Sork, about a hard-edged, Twitter-loving newsman along the lines of Keith Olbermann (oh, God, I can’t wait until the “OlbermannOlberwomann.com” episode. I CANNOT) was also rumored to be starring… Olivia Munn????
Yuh-huh. As per Deadline, via Vulture, the Munn is in talks to play “a sexy financial analyst.” Which, you know. Good for her? I’m glad that they took the time to specify that her brand of financial analysis is “sexy.” Otherwise, I might remain under the false impression that she gave dour, puritan financial analyses, with not a hint of the sensual deliciousness that a good financial analysis can convey. “This just in: The Dow is up. Up, up, pulsating with profit, its rock-hard security searching and probing the tender moisture of the American investor’s financial future, as their lush, ripe profiles quiver with delight. Or something. No, wait, it’s down and everybody is broke again.”
So, just to repeat: A TV show by Aaron “Stiletto Feminism” Sorkin, about Keith “Until This Frenzy Is Stopped” Olbermann, may feature Olivia “Take The Goddamn Fucking Sandwich Out Of Your Mouth, Bitch” Munn, because you see the thing is that sexist men valorize each other, and also feel the need to surround themselves with women who are complicit in said misogyny, because those women are less threatening to them, and this helps them to create and maintain an illusory world in which sexism is not a problem, or does not exist, because there is always a woman willing to say that misogyny makes her feel like a ‘part of the team,’ and it’s really interesting how sexism and sexist culture is built around the creation and maintenance of said illusions, because… oh, fuck it. I’m watching every episode of this monstrosity. Recap series, anyone? I JUST WANT TO WATCH IT BURN.