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Why They Hate Us, or: If Celebrities Were From the Midwest…

… ha, ha, they’d be fat! Oh, and poor. They probably wouldn’t have very good record collections, either. You’d be all like, “the new Silver Jews record really isn’t very good,” and they’d be like, “I don’t care, because our cultures are very different, yet in the upcoming election American adults from all walks of life will be voting in (one hopes) the belief that they can elect a politician who will promote the ‘best interests of this country,’ although widespread use of divisive culture-war rhetoric has made it impossible to even conceive of Americans as having a common interest to which their government can attend. Corn dog?”

Ha ha ha, God, people who aren’t us are so lame.