So: I took this morning’s post down! Whoops. In my defense, it was pretty dumb. Also, I consider it my responsibility, as a person who writes blog posts, to give the people what they want!

Strangely, no one ever e-mails me to request poorly thought-out and pretentious ramblings about a book I am not finished reading. No! What THE PEOPLE (meaning the two friends who e-mailed me this link) ask is for me to read the recent New York Times profile of director Lynn Shelton!

Because here is the headline of the recent New York Times profile of director Lynn Shelton:

She’s a Director Who’s Just Another Dude

Huh.

So: Lynn Shelton is the director of the film “Humpday,” which I have been waiting to see for approximately forever, because I believe it will be either the best or worst thing that has ever happened. It has been described as an “Apatovian” “bromance” about some dudes who wind up having sex! Here are some factors that lead me to feel that this may be obnoxious: (1) they are straight dudes who (2) do it, basically, on a dare, and (3) the movie is apparently devoted to how uncomfortable (one might use the word “panicked!”) they are. Also, one of them is Josh from The Blair Witch Project. (Joooshhh?!? JOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!) But, given the fact that the entire “bromance” genre is about the precise limits to which straight dudes can take their affection for each other without getting all gay-panicky (hint: not that far), I do have hopes that the movie might actually have some kind of point.

Let’s not spend too much time debating the merits of “Humpday,” however! Especially given the fact that I have not actually seen it yet! Let us speak about the article – which, despite being a whole lot smarter than the headline, does eventually come around to the following point:

Speaking of the comfort level it took to “expose myself, no pun intended,”* Mr. Duplass credited Ms. Shelton’s facility with actors, enthusiasm for the working process and, tangentially, her greater affinity for men: “You know those girls who are closer with dudes, in general? She’s got a little bit of that going on, so that obviously plays into it.”

It’s a preference several men expressed on Ms. Shelton’s behalf.

So, you can see where the title comes in. Surely, as a person who makes the “bromances,” Ms. Shelton must have some special, not-at-all-girly qualities that allow her to work with the non-girl actors! After all, she is not making the sort of movies that girls are supposed to make – movies about how you can get old and still date Jack Nicholson, or have a satisfying wedding despite your wacky Greek family, or be Julia Child, or whatever – so, really: isn’t there something wrong with her? Wouldn’t there have to be something wrong with her, in order for her to do these movies well? I mean: maybe the reason she’s not making girly movies is that she’s just not really a girl.

It’s not an uncommon assumption. Kathryn Bigelow has been making action movies for decades – and, despite the fact that it probably takes no special manly insight to know that watching things blow up can be exciting, she’s always been viewed as sort of a freak. “What’s consistently set Bigelow apart is her ability to play tough in a traditionally masculine world,” the AV Club noted in a review of her vampire movie Near Dark. (Play tough? Does making an action movie now require you to have real-live knife fights? Does she have to publicly execute an extra every morning to maintain control of the set?) This is shortly after they’ve invited viewers to click on a video of a scene in which a boy vampire feeds from a girl vampire, and have reluctantly suggested that it’s “tempting to credit these more tender moments to Bigelow’s feminine touch.” Actually, the scene they have shown is not “tender” so much as it is “explicitly shot to look like cunnilingus” – there are SOME things to be said for the feminine touch, I guess – but you get the point. The point is that doing anything non-stereotypically-girly, as a filmmaker, somehow calls your gender into question. People may not necessarily condemn you, but they do need to process you, explain you, figure out precisely how female or male you are.

In the comments, by the way, some viewers suggest that some of Near Dark’s particularly gory scenes weren’t directed by Bigelow at all – their “shocking violence” and “effectiveness,” they think, mean that they must have been shot by Bigelow’s then-husband, James Cameron.

Yes, James Cameron. Director of the single most lucrative girl movie of all time.

But, weirdly, James Cameron’s gender cred isn’t at all affected by that one movie with the boat and all the tearful kissing. (A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets! And urges to dance with the simple people in Steerage!) At least, I don’t recall reading any rumors that his girlfriend secretly directed the love scenes, or seeing Titanic-era profiles with headlines like “JAMES CAMERON: ‘TERMINATOR’ DIRECTOR NOW BASICALLY A LADY.” For some reason, men can assert their authority over female genres pretty easily. The problem happens when women do good work in genres reserved for men.

So, anyway. Here’s Lynn Shelton’s response to the question about whether she liked men better than women and/or was a gender traitor:

She was briefly and uncharacteristically speechless — considering the sources, perhaps — then let loose one of her tumbling guffaws.

You can’t blame her.

*This guy sounds like THE WORST.