SADY: So I know you are not supposed to root for the Yankees. Because they’re rich, and they’re a rich person’s team, and whatever. But what does that mean? Like, do they pay more than other teams? So that the best players end up working for them, or whatever?
GENTLEMAN ASSOCIATE: A bit of that, yeah. Sort of. Or, like, they thave these managerial rules, so that everyone who plays for them has to cut his hair, and shave, and they all look really clean cut.
SADY: I have no idea how that helps. Hey, that guy on the Phillies looks like Bubbles! From The Wire! Like, if Bubbles gained some weight. And looked sort of different. With his face.
GA: That is Pedro Martinez. He is a pitcher.
SADY: He looks kind of like Bubbles. But not really. God, all the Yankees have such douchey faces. Look at that guy. Douche face! He has a case of the douche face.
GA: That is A-Rod. Derek Jeter’s face isn’t that douchey.
(PAUSE. CAMERA CUTS TO DEREK JETER.)
SADY: It kind of is, though. I am rooting against him due to his douche face. DOUCHE! MAN WITH THE FACE OF A DOUCHE! DOUCHE FACE!
ANNOUNCER: This game is playing on big screens in Times Square and in Tokyo. They’re huge fans of Godzilla in Tokyo!
SADY: “They’re huge fans of Godzilla in Tokyo?” What? Did the announcer just start making weirdly racist non-sequiturs?
GA: That is what they call Matsui.
SADY: Oh. Okay.
SADY: So how many points do you get for running to first base?