Skip to content

AND NOW, A DOMESTIC INTERLUDE: In Which I Watch The World Series With My Gentleman Associate And/Or Confirm Several Unfortunate Gender Stereotypes

SADY: So I know you are not supposed to root for the Yankees. Because they’re rich, and they’re a rich person’s team, and whatever. But what does that mean? Like, do they pay more than other teams? So that the best players end up working for them, or whatever?

GENTLEMAN ASSOCIATE: A bit of that, yeah. Sort of. Or, like, they thave these managerial rules, so that everyone who plays for them has to cut his hair, and shave, and they all look really clean cut.

SADY: I have no idea how that helps. Hey, that guy on the Phillies looks like Bubbles! From The Wire! Like, if Bubbles gained some weight. And looked sort of different. With his face.

GA: That is Pedro Martinez. He is a pitcher.

SADY: He looks kind of like Bubbles. But not really. God, all the Yankees have such douchey faces. Look at that guy. Douche face! He has a case of the douche face.

GA: That is A-Rod. Derek Jeter’s face isn’t that douchey.

(PAUSE. CAMERA CUTS TO DEREK JETER.)

SADY: It kind of is, though. I am rooting against him due to his douche face. DOUCHE! MAN WITH THE FACE OF A DOUCHE! DOUCHE FACE!

ANNOUNCER: This game is playing on big screens in Times Square and in Tokyo. They’re huge fans of Godzilla in Tokyo!

SADY: “They’re huge fans of Godzilla in Tokyo?” What? Did the announcer just start making weirdly racist non-sequiturs?

GA: That is what they call Matsui.

SADY: Oh. Okay.

(PAUSE.)

SADY: So how many points do you get for running to first base?

7 Comments

  1. Gnatalby wrote:

    At least you don’t have to be a Tigers fan.

    My dad is very into baseball, and when I go to games with him he is an endless font of trivia. Like Placido Polanco has the biggest head in baseball (in terms of helmet size, not ego).

    The more you know!

    Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 3:17 am | Permalink
  2. Lynn wrote:

    I really hate the nicknames given to the players. They seem to scream that the management at least feels intended audience is only capable of two syllables tops, and probably illiterate.

    Meanwhile, on joining the Red Sox, Daisuke Matsuzaka became Dice-K. Ugh.

    Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 7:34 am | Permalink
  3. Hypatia wrote:

    Lynn – What’s funny is that “Dice-K” actually yields a better approximation of the correct Japanese pronunciation of his name than what most Americans come up with when faced with the proper spelling (tend to pronounce the name dai-SU-ki). So in that case, it kind of makes sense.

    Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 10:10 am | Permalink
  4. Ellen wrote:

    If it makes you feel any better, I knew exactly who you were talking about–Pedro DOES look like kinda like Bubs!

    Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 12:14 pm | Permalink
  5. Look, a Diversion! wrote:

    I thought the reason I was supposed to not root for the Yankees was because the Red Sox hate them and also the Yankees beat the Red Sox a lot, plus they do indeed seem to have douchey faces, and I am supposed to support the Red Sox on the basis of Boston being closer to where I live than New York is? I just assumed default sports loyalty was supposed to be based on where you live or on where you grew up, depending. Nobody ever really explained this crap to me. Although the part about hating them because they have to shave sounds familiar, so probably someone told me that part.
    So yeah, my mother once started watching baseball out of nowhere and kept doing it for a couple of years before getting sick of it. It made my little sister’s equally-out-of-nowhere obsession with hockey seem much less irritating, because at least in hockey, stuff, you know, happens. Baseball is hours of nothing, with some obnoxious dudes talking over the nothing, and occasional moments of guys running a little mixed into the nothing.
    They watched their damn sports every damn day, and yet they wouldn’t let me watch pro wrestling one damn night a week because they wanted to watch other things. ;_; Guys in spandex pants having a soap opera with choreographed fights, and yelling ridiculously! Making terrible jokes with straight faces! Having theme music! Constantly switching alliances like middle school kids! Even the parts I hated were still at least superior to goddamn baseball.

    Monday, November 9, 2009 at 12:36 am | Permalink
  6. Sarah TX wrote:

    And Jeter DOES have a douche face.

    Monday, November 9, 2009 at 10:54 am | Permalink
  7. Farore wrote:

    I have noted that most athletes have douche faces.

    On the topic of having faces that convey one’s personality, I always feel a stab of the ol’ Feminist Guilt (FG) whenever I note that a woman has a ‘bitch face’. I prefer not to use the word ‘bitch’. But it is a lot faster than saying ‘constant facial expression of pinched, disapproving, self-righteous irritation indicating that this perhaps is a lady who is rather egotistical, judgmental, and possibly even mean’. I don’t mean it as a gendered insult; I’ve used it for guys, too. I can’t seem to find a good synonym for what I mean when I say ‘bitch’ :( Also, I cannot help but wonder if I myself have a douche face. I also wonder if I would be able to tell if I did. Huh. Does Jeter ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and go ‘Jeez, I look like a douche today! And every day, really.’ ?

    Monday, November 9, 2009 at 6:00 pm | Permalink