…may not end up being the title of this weekly advice column.
I am terrible at titles; I always want to do something high concept with too many disparate elements, and it hardly ever comes together. To wit! I wanted a name for TBTYHTLYL that would be equal parts silly kitsch and serious business (and whose acronym didn’t look like an inventory of unused announcements board letters.) So your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to suggest a new title for this advice column. You also get to help me answer these questions, give any advice you may have, and let me know if I’m just completely wrong! The position is unpaid; you start immediately.
DISCLAIMER: I only have as much information as you give me and no more. If you are leaving important things out hoping to get the advice you want, you will probably get it, follow it, and blame me for the resulting fallout. This advice column is for entertainment purposes only, should not be construed as actual advice, and Tiger Beatdown cannot be held responsible for your use of it. Cape does not enable user to fucking fly.
I am a white woman, happily married to a black man. My family has always been supportive, especially my parents, but my siblings can be a bit clueless. Next year my brother is going to marry a woman who comes from a hard-drinking family of N-word users. I’ve never met them, so they have not displayed this behavior to me or my husband personally but I feel it’s inevitable when the champagne starts to flow. Do I not go to my own brother’s wedding? Leave my husband at home, go alone, and just leave when the N-bombs start? Surely there is a more gracious way to handle this.
Talk to your husband. I’ve had almost a month to think about this question (oops) and I kept going around and around about what to tell you, and kept coming back to the same place: talk to your husband. By not making this decision with him, and trying to come up with a “gracious” way of handling this, you are infantilizing him. This isn’t going to be the last time that you both come up against ignorant bigots, and more important than knowing what to do about each individual situation that arises, you need to build lines of communication that allow you to discuss them. Especially since you’re probably going to run into these same people for the rest of your natural life.
As a 20-year-old who just realized she’s queer I’m really intimidated about dating girls! Not so much the being involved with ladies part, more the “so I previously have enjoyed/still very much enjoy the dudes, but would now like to also enjoy the ladies.” They seem pretty apprehensive about it, even though it’s clearly not just “experimentation.” HALP!
Welcome to the queer community! We have one month a year when we get up on floats together and dance, but sometimes we’re not all that nice to each other. Some of us forget that we were all once tender fawns, stepping gingerly into the sunlight of queer love, bits of heteronormative culture still adhering to us like afterbirth. Some people will balk at dating Bisexual folks, just flat out refuse to consider them as romantic partners. They do this for a variety of reasons, usually there is a story, but it all boils down to the fact that they are rejecting you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Remember that you aren’t obliged to explain or defend your sexuality. You are going to be facing Biphobia for the rest of your life, there’s no reason to put up with it from people who should have a fucking clue.
Go to a queer bar. Join an online community. Try to meet other Bisexual ladies who are in the same place you are, as far as being new to the loving of ladies. From there you’ll meet ladies who are open to relationships with you, and emerge a beautiful doe. Or a swan. Or something.
And don’t ever, ever, ever, ever go home with anyone who refers to you as “fresh meat.” That never goes anywhere good, LET ME TELL YOU.