This afternoon, at about three PM, I took my first real break from #MooreandMe that didn’t involve sleeping. You may or may not know this, but I have been going, on Twitter and Tiger Beatdown and Tumblr and in e-mail and sometimes for Salon, basically without stopping or doing literally anything else, like: skipping most meals and deciding hummus and chips constitute “meals,” like: not taking the time off to shower, since this thing started. I would have kept going today, too, when I went out with my boyfriend to a cheap brunch place not far away from our apartment — I brought my phone so that I could keep checking the #MooreandMe Twitter feed, and tweeting, and re-tweeting — but the phone had apparently died, and I didn’t want to be rude and demand that my boyfriend let me use his iPhone. So there I was, for the first time in four days, not directly involved in the #MooreandMe protest.
And that’s the point when I finally got around to crying.
I hadn’t meant to. I hadn’t known that I needed to, didn’t realize it was going to happen until I had already started sobbing in public. I was just telling my boyfriend that I was really tired, that maybe going to bed at 5:30 AM and waking up at 1 PM hadn’t been a good idea, that I had worn myself down, that the Christmas party at his friend Natasha’s that he was looking up recipes for on his iPhone might be — like literally every other social plan I had this week — something I needed to cancel. That I didn’t know how much longer I could keep protesting. That it had been four days.
“Four days,” I said, “and yesterday the trolls kicked into high gear. I mean, I could handle it when they were just calling me a whore and posting the accusers’ names in the comments. I could just delete those. But now they’re creating Twitter accounts, posting rape threats, and tagging them #MooreandMe so that the feed is unsafe for women or rape victims to look at. And posting the accusers’ names, over and over, because one of the things we’re objecting to is that posting the accusers’ names is subjecting them to massive invasion of privacy, you can find their names and home addresses online, and that might get them hurt or even, like, raped, it might get them fucking raped, by some fucked-up dangerous Assange fans, it might make it possible for rapists to find them and rape them to punish them for this. And they’re tagging THAT #MooreandMe, so they can use the protest to endanger the accusers even more, so that the protest will become unsafe for the accusers thanks to the trolls and we’ll stop it. And threatening to hack my PayPal, and threatening to hack Tiger Beatdown. And everyone saying that we believe shit we don’t believe, and yelling and calling me names and calling all of us names, and I always get yelled at and called names, but this is like… the volume is so high. Every time I look away there are twenty new comments and most of them are calling me a cunt or telling me to make them a sandwich or calling me a whore or naming the accusers or calling all of us whores for protesting. Like this nice middle-aged lady left this really sweet, confused, kinda angry Tweet about how Keith Olbermann was so nice and why was I doing this to him, and she looked so middle-aged and nice and Midwestern in this way that reminded me of my Mom, who’s a huge Moore fan, so I responded to her. I said, like, ‘Keith Olbermann might be nice, but he did a bad thing and he didn’t apologize.’ I said it the way I’d say it to my Mom. And she just called me a sleaze bag and called me names some more. My Mom brags about every article I publish online, but she didn’t acknowledge the Olbermann one or #MooreandMe, and I think I’m kind of in a fight with my Mom right now. And it’s not just about this, but also, I think it’s kind of about this. And I just, it’s four days now. Four days of this. Up at four in the morning looking for rape crisis centers that are trans-friendly so I can post links. Four days of this, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.”
I’m paraphrasing, obviously, but this is how I remember it. It started out as just talking and turned into a speech. People started staring.
“So maybe you should just take a break,” my boyfriend said.
“I CAN’T JUST TAKE A BREAK,” I said, and that’s the first point at which I raised my voice. “I CAN’T TAKE A BREAK, EVER. These people fucking need me. It’s Twitter: If it doesn’t keep happening every five minutes, it stops showing up in people’s feeds, and they forget about it. It just goes away. I have to keep doing it so that it doesn’t just disappear.”
“Because they want it to disappear,” I said. “That’s what they’re counting on. It’s been four days, they’re counting on the fact that the Internet has a short attention span and a bad memory, they’re counting on the fact that the trolls are going to scare us or make us feel so terrible that we can’t keep going, they’re counting on the fact that they can just let everybody harass us until we can’t keep going just for the sake of our own emotional and physical health, and they can just not respond, they can just have a nice weekend, while we keep fighting until we’ve been threatened and called whores and been scared for our safety or the safety of others enough, and then we’ll disappear and they can keep pretending that this isn’t happening, they can just keep pretending that it never happened.”
“AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHY WOMEN DROP RAPE CHARGES TOO,” I said. I remember this part very clearly because I was, in fact, yelling.
And at this point, the speech goes long. And I’ll just paraphrase what I said, really, and not use the quote marks. But this is, in fact, what I said, as far as I can remember it, more or less. What I said, after “THAT’S EXACTLY WHY WOMEN DROP RAPE CHARGES,” very loudly and slapping the table, was this:
That’s EXACTLY WHY Michael Moore tweeting the UNSUBSTANTIATED CLAIM that an Assange accuser had fucking CIA TIES, in an article that NAMED HER, re-tweeting it from KEITH OLBERMANN, retweeting it not just to the hundred thousand people that follow Keith Olbermann but to the over seven hundred thousand people that follow him, GIVING THAT WOMAN’S NAME AND SAYING UNPROVEN DEROGATORY SHIT ABOUT HER to ALMOST A MILLION PEOPLE, that’s why it’s BAD. That’s why you never do it, no matter what the case in question is, no matter who the accused is, no matter whether Julian Assange is guilty or not. You never do it, EVER, because it happens over and over to every woman who reports that a celebrity raped her, to women who just report that high-profile members of their own communities raped them, even in fucking so-called ‘progressive’ communities, they just get harassed and smeared and threatened and their accusers’ friends make life unsafe for them, and the people who support their accusers make life unsafe for them, the fucking AUTHORITIES and JOURNALISTS, they REPORT THIS SHIT and they MAKE LIFE UNSAFE FOR THEM, and they eventually get so scared, so scared for their own goddamned safety, so scared that they might get raped again or killed, so beaten-down emotionally from everyone in the world calling them sluts and whores and bitches and liars, it happens to women who have actually been raped, they just get so scared and so fucking beaten-down and so tired that they literally cannot cope, and this is happening when they’ve already JUST BEEN FUCKING RAPED, they’re already dealing with one of the WORST THINGS that can ever happen to a human being, one of the most traumatizing things, shit that gives people life-long PTSD, it has just happened to them, and it is fresh, and the world hates them, the world is spreading hatred toward them, they have fans and supporters and celebrities and journalists telling everybody that they’re evil lying whore sluts, no matter what they say, they wanted it, because they’re stupid fucking lying evil CIA bitches and you should hate them. You should hate them because they say they’ve been raped.
That’s why Ben Roethlisberger walks free today. His accuser eventually refused to go forward, and her lawyer’s letter said that it wasn’t because the accuser hadn’t been raped, she still maintained that had actually happened to her and he had done it, it was because pursuing the case, no matter whether she got a conviction or not, would be so dangerous and so traumatic for her that it just wouldn’t be worth it.
[I didn't say it at the time, but look at the letter. Because it was also, directly, because of the media:
What is obvious in looking forward is that a criminal trial would be a very intrusive personal experience for complainant in this situation, given the extraordinary media attention that would be inevitable. The media coverage to date, and the efforts of the media to access our client, have been unnerving, to say the least.
Tell me again how Keith Olbermann and Michael Moore aren't responsible for any of the consequences of leaking that woman's name. Of telling people she had CIA ties, using a Holocaust denier's words to do so. Tell me again why they shouldn't apologize for that: I mean, tell me just one more time.]
She tried to get out of the case because she just couldn’t handle the goddamned trauma of taking the man she said had raped her to court. Reporting a rape and pushing it through the system, for a woman, can be more dangerous and more traumatic and more horrible to experience, for a woman, than being raped. It’s why Roman Polanski’s victim said she wouldn’t co-operate if his case started up again: She’d been bullied too much, it was too much for her to handle. And if you want to talk about the fucking media, when the news got out that Roethlisberger was being accused of rape, ESPN issued a ‘do not report’ order. They TOLD PEOPLE NOT TO REPORT IT, because he was a star, because they had to protect their access to sources. When Isaac Brock was accused of rape, the reports on the accusations were disappeared from the paper in which they appeared, the reporter herself stopped getting published in that paper, right after she reported that a well-known, well-liked celebrity in Seattle was being accused of rape. This happens, this happens OVER and OVER and OVER again, EVERY TIME. It’s not about Julian Assange. He isn’t a special exception. The way this case has been treated is not even unusual. This happens EVERY TIME a woman reports to the police that a man with a lot of fans and a lot of people in his corner has raped her. EVERY FUCKING TIME. They bully her, the people in charge bully her, his fans bully her, the media bullies her, until she agrees to fucking go away, so people can keep pretending that it never happened. So that it can disappear. So that women just agree to SHUT UP and MAKE IT EASIER FOR PEOPLE TO RAPE US AND GET AWAY WITH IT. And now very few people, very few Modest Mouse fans, even know that the guy from Modest Mouse was accused of rape in the first place. And I know people who were there at the time, who were involved with the Seattle indie community, because it was small and really tight-knit, everybody knew everybody, and they all say that if you looked at the situation, if you looked at who was having drinks with Isaac Brock and hanging out at the same bars, and who was making decisions about what stories were newsworthy enough to run in that goddamned paper and which reporters to publish there, there was some substantial fucking overlap. Like, it did not look good.
And now I’m being accused of working for the CIA. Also on no fucking evidence, as it turns out. I’m being called names, and screamed at by hundreds of people every day, I’m being harassed, I’m being threatened, I’m scared for my physical safety to the point that I’m looking up dudes and seeing exactly what ‘stalking’ consists of in case I have to press charges, I’m being emotionally and physically exhausted to the point that I doubt whether I can keep going, I’m being treated by Michael Moore like I don’t exist. He’s refusing to acknowledge that the #MooreandMe tag even fucking exists. Every protester is being treated like they don’t exist, so that later they can act like this never happened, so that we’ll disappear. And I know that I’m a small fish. I’m just a protester. We’re just protesters. I know that whatever those two women in the Assange case are going through, it has to be SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE. And it has to have been going on for SO MUCH LONGER.
And it’s not in question, what Michael Moore and Keith Olbermann did. They spread false information that minimized, dismissed, and misrepresented those allegations. They spread an article that was intended to damage a rape accuser’s reputation, on little to no evidence, and that named her. You can look up the false information they spread online. There are videos, there are Tweets, you can Google it, everyone knows it happened. Everyone knows they failed to tell the truth. Everyone knows they smeared the accuser. Everyone knows they gave the name of the accuser out, to hundreds and thousands of goddamned people. It’s not a subject of debate. They did it. They did it obviously, and publicly, and on the record. Everyone knows that happened. The only thing people are debating is whether it was wrong.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT TWO PEOPLE WHOSE JOBS ARE TO TELL THE TRUTH, DID NOT TELL THE TRUTH, AND WE ARE DEBATING WHETHER THAT IS WRONG. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT TWO PEOPLE SMEARED A WOMAN ON LITTLE TO NO EVIDENCE AND ENDANGERED HER LIFE, AND WE ARE DEBATING WHETHER THAT IS WRONG. Because it’s about rape, so clearly there might be some way to justify it. Because rape victims don’t matter, their safety, their reputations, their lives, their rapes, they don’t matter to most people. We don’t matter to most people. We don’t matter, we don’t matter. We, us, sexual assault victims, we don’t matter to Michael Moore and Keith Olbermann, we don’t matter to their fans, we don’t matter to the “progressive community,” we don’t matter to the world at large, not as much as this one guy from WikiLeaks, not as much as the guy who directed Chinatown, not as much as Ben Roethlisberger, not as much as Isaac Brock. We don’t matter. We don’t matter. We don’t.
This, for the record, would be when I started to cry.
And now Moore is telling people that WikiLeaks intentionally gave false information to the Guardian, which coincidentally is one of the only and first papers reporting the accusations against Assange that Moore lied about in full, and that the Guardian repeated the false information WikiLeaks knowingly gave them. Moore is reporting that shit like it’s a victory, like it proves something about the Guardian, which is clearly another step in the campaign to get people to ignore these allegations and the Guardian because it’s reporting them, and all it actually proves is that if you establish yourself as a credible source — if you’re Michael Moore, if you’re Keith Olbermann, if you’re WikiLeaks — and you give false information, intentionally or not, to the media or the world, people will believe you, and you will make the truth harder to know. All it proves is what #MooreandMe is fucking SAYING, which is that DISSEMINATING FALSE INFORMATION TO THE MEDIA CAUSES REAL DAMAGE to the people who rely on the media to tell them the truth. THAT GIVING FALSE INFORMATION MAKES PEOPLE BELIEVE FALSEHOODS. THAT LYING IS WRONG.
Michael Moore is being protested because it looks like he told a huge, damaging lie to the media, and he’s on his blogs crowing about how he fooled the media by getting his friends to tell them a lie. THAT’S how much he fucking cares about “the truth.” THAT is EXACTLY how much Michael Moore fucking cares about “freedom of information.” Freedom of information. Fuck you, liar. Fuck you.
And they’re just counting on people to go away. They’re counting on this, they’re counting on us to fucking break down and agree to go away and make it easier for the media and the world to bully rape victims — not some victims, not these specific women making these specific allegations, but all the victims before and all the ones after who report and all the ones who see shit like this happen and get too scared to even report, who get too scared to tell their friends because of what people might do to them — they’re counting on the fact that, after four days, we’re all exhausted and some of us are scared for our safety, and it’s just Twitter, so if Michael Moore pretends #MooreandMe isn’t happening for long enough, then it will stop happening. And one more true, widely available, widely known thing about this case and the reporting on it will be forgotten, will disappear, will have been effectively hidden by Michael Moore.
I WILL NOT GO AWAY. WE WILL NOT GO AWAY. Because all of those women, all of those GODDAMNED WOMEN, all of those GODDAMNED RAPE VICTIMS and people who file rape allegations, they ALL got scared away in EXACTLY THIS MANNER. Using these SAME GODDAMNED TACTICS. They all had to go away, no matter what happened to them, they all just got scared until they went away, and for them, for their sake, because of everything they suffered, I am going to stand outside of Michael Moore’s tower with my megaphone until he comes. Somebody has to stand out here, somebody has to be the one that just won’t go away. Somebody fucking has to do it. Because those women matter.
And I didn’t say it at the time, but I’ll say it now:
The first friend I knew who was raped and didn’t report it, who woke up with her boyfriend raping her and told him to stop and he wouldn’t, who I sat with on the anniversary of her rape for years and watched her break down sobbing and shaking, who didn’t report it because he was her boyfriend, Miss J: You matter. The friend I knew who had one drink and woke up bruised and sore with her clothes off, realized she’d been raped that way and that she didn’t know who had done it and so she couldn’t report it, Miss R: You matter. The second girl I met with the same story, waking up injured and naked in a bed, but who did know who had done it, knew the bed, knew it was that creepy guy she was scared of, and didn’t report it, Miss E: You matter. The girl who told me that when she’d been raped she hadn’t even known she could report to the police, she had just thought of it as “that time a guy forced her to have sex even though she didn’t want to,” and didn’t report it because of that, Miss K: You matter. The girl who went out on a date with a guy she’d met on the Internet, didn’t come back that night, told me the next day that “if it happened to anyone else she would call it rape,” and then explained what had happened, and guess what, it was unambiguously forceful coercion into sex, i.e. rape, and she was not the world’s only woman who did not have the right to say “no” and expect a guy to stop having sex with her, and who didn’t report it because she didn’t believe on some level that she was good enough to expect that a guy wouldn’t rape her, Miss K the second: You matter. The girl who told me she didn’t realize it was rape if you told the guy to stop and he still kept forcing sex on you, but she guessed she’d had kind of a nervous breakdown after, like she couldn’t stop crying and she thought about hurting herself and she’d had to go on medication and now she was really suspecting it was because she told him to stop having sex with her and he didn’t, because he raped her, who didn’t report because she didn’t know it was considered rape, Miss G: You matter. The girl who was a friend of my boyfriend’s, who always kind of intimidated me because she was so strong and so together and you basically couldn’t imagine her ever losing an argument, who took me aside at a party one night and told me she was having trouble dealing with her rape, her husband told her I wrote a blog about this stuff and she just wanted to talk to me, she didn’t report because she knew no-one would believe her, Miss L: You matter. Miss M, you matter. Miss C, you matter. Every woman who writes about her assault online: You matter. The survivors e-mailing me, the survivors sending their stories to Michael Moore on Twitter, all of you: You matter. The woman who reported that Isaac Brock had raped her: You matter. The woman who was raped by Roman Polanski, age 13: You matter. The woman who reported that Ben Roethlisberger had raped her, who later had to back down and go away because she was just so scared, because the media valued her safety and health so very little and it scared her: You matter, baby, you matter, you matter so much. Miss A, Miss W, you matter whether Assange is guilty or not, because it is not permissible for the media to bully you in order to discredit your case, because you just plain matter. You matter because the right of a woman to make a rape allegation and not expect that she will be harassed, hurt, smeared, bullied, that matters.
You all matter to me. I don’t care if they say you don’t matter. I don’t care if they act like you don’t matter. I don’t care what they do to us, to all of us, all of the shit they do to make it possible to discredit and bully us and make us too scared to report, all of the misinformation they spread — it’s not rape if it started out consensual, it’s not rape if it happened while you were unconscious, it’s not rape if you’ve had sex with him before, it’s not rape if you hang out with the guy later, it’s not rape if you love him, it’s not rape if you like him, it’s not rape if it happens to you because you’re worthless, these are all lies – because it doesn’t change the fact that you matter.
I am standing out here until Michael Moore comes down. I don’t care if I’m the only one doing it — though I hope you join me — I don’t care how long it takes, I don’t care what they do to me, I don’t care what they say to me, I don’t care what they say about me, I don’t care if I’m in danger, I don’t care if you don’t like it, I don’t care who it pisses off, I don’t care if it pisses my friends or my mother off, #MooreandMe is not going away until Michael Moore responds to us directly and with a full apology and with support for anti-rape organizations, it is not going away as long as I have breath in me. If you close my Twitter account, I’ll post from a friend’s, if you shut down my website I’ll do guest posts at another feminist website, if you ruin my career and make it impossible for me to pay my bills I’ll couch surf, I’ll sleep at the house of a friend that has Internet and do it from there, if you set fire to my computer or shut off my Internet I’ll go to an Internet cafe and I will keep going. How long did Michael Moore stand outside of Roger’s office? A couple hours, maybe? A day? It’s been four days now. That shit is unconscionable. It is unacceptable. And it can go on for as long as he wants it to go on, because we’re not stopping. We’re not backing down. We’re not disappearing. Because they scared and bullied and threatened and shamed and lied to and lied about and disappeared all of those women, all of those women who were scared enough to go away or too scared to report in the first place, they all went away, and somebody has to not go away. We have to not go away. Engage in #MooreandMe to the extent that you can, the extent that you are capable of while still feeling safe and healthy, but me? I’m taking “safety” and “health” off the table, as personal requirements, right now. No matter what they do to me, no matter how long Michael Moore ignores me, I am still going to be here outside the tower. At this point, if you want to fucking stop me from demanding that apology, you will have to get a gun and literally shoot me down. And if I survive that, I’m Tweeting from the hospital.
No, it’s not “about me:” If it were about me, I would have stopped around the time of the first public crying fit, if not before. If it were about me, I would be acting in my own best interests right now. It’s about me only to the extent that I started it, and now I have to see it through to the end. Because all of those women went away. Somebody has to not go away. I started this, so I guess that person is me.
And yes, donate. We’ve received reports that RAINN partners with organizations that deny services to trans women who’ve been raped, so because trans women, YOU MATTER, we’re looking for other places to donate to. Callen-Lorde and the Survivor Project, which provides education about trans rape survivor issues, have both been recommended, and you can look for local organizations in your area pretty easily with Google, and there’s a Wikipedia page for organizations (although I don’t know all of the trans politics or other politics of the people listed), and as I see people post names of local orgs they’ve donated to on Twitter, I’ll retweet them. So donate, and donate as much as you can.
But me, I’m also just going to keep standing out here. I’m really sorry I didn’t make it to your party tonight, Natasha. I wanted to see you. I feel crappy and I would really love to see some friendly people right now. But I’ve got work to do.
316 Comments
You are brave and amazing and I am standing with you.
That said: self-care is a radical act. Please don’t forget that.
Maybe we can start taking the Tweeting in shifts?
Don’t forget that you’re actually doing something that’s making a difference, Sadie. Thanks.
You’re awesome, Sady. Keep being strong.
This shit terrifies me.
Stay strong Sady. I respect what you’re doing and I believe in this campaign. Don’t let the bastards get you down.
um…wow. I was..gonna post..this:
http://mattcornell.org/blog/2010/12/doyleandme/
He still didn’t post those troll comments on twitter. I agree that Moore and Olberman would do good to apologize for misinformation, but really.
Thank you, Sady. Thank you a million times over. This world is better for having you in it.
You matter, too. Probably more than you know.
I’m with you all the way.
Fucking. Preach.
You are fucking amazing, Sady. Amazing and strong and awesome and definitely not alone on this one.
Sady: You matter.
Sady, sweetie, you have to get some sleep. This will all still be here in 10 hours. Or even in 16 hours. You can’t take care of other people if you don’t also take care of yourself.
I’m with you.
Sady, it’s ok to take care of yourself. And you matter too. You’re young and you have a long life of fighting bullshit ahead of you; hold on to your strength.
My best friend from college told me one tearful night about being molested in church (!) as a kid; I was her first friend to not reject her or freak out when she told me. I just listened because it was all I could do. She’s alive and triumphant and amazing, and she matters too.
After you get some sleep, I would do this: stop responding to trolls and threats. Document them (or assign someone to do it for you), but don’t engage them.
We’re here for you. I wasn’t going to donate to RAINN because Christmas is tough enough on our tiny budget, but what the fuck. I’ll put off my haircut another month and donate that money.
Don’t burn yourself out, ok? We’ll keep on it even if you sleep for 8 hours.
Piss off and look after yourself for a bit — sleep, some cuddle time with the BF, have a decent meal followed by a hot bath. Sadly, the bullshit and bullshitters will still be here but you’re going to be soooo much better for it.
Thank you. I’m with you too, lady. You matter a whole hell of a lot.
Stay strong, Sady. You’ve made ME break down and weep twice in as many days. You’re so amazing. Thank you, thank you for everything you do. For saying it’s not okay, for caring about the victims, for being the voice. I respect you so, so much.
Thank you, Sady. You’re not standing out there alone.
You are fucking epic.
You are amazing and an inspiration. And don’t forget that you matter, too.
Hang in there. Easier said than done, I know, but you are speaking truth to power and you are strong and brave and awesome, and I for one am grateful for it.
Take care of yourself, Sady. I’m with emjaybee: Get some rest and some down time.
two nights ago after reading your entries i suddenly remembered the isaac brock rape way back when and that i blew it off. it was strange to realize while i was cooking that someone whose art i appreciate so much is a rapist.
i know a woman who made rape allegations recently and is being harassed and having information spread about her. Yesterday i found out she is unable to press charges because it’s just a case of “he said she said”.
What?? When is a case NOT a case of he said she said? When my ex pulled a fucking knife out and threatened me, he was arrested and charged. no one told me i was a lying vindictive ex. no one threatened me until i dropped charges. no one said they couldn’t charge him because it was my word against his. and it was.
but when i was a kid and my mom reported that i was sexually molested by a neighbor, the cops asked my dad who denied it and the neighbor who (surprise!) also denied it. and nothing else was done. no one asked me a damn thing, not my dad, not the cops.
last night i was debating this with an acquaintance who is a rape survivor and she said, “only a woman who is lying would make a rape allegation because only a woman who is lying wouldn’t care about being harassed.” so she’s basically saying it’s a witch trial. if you defend your self (swim) you’re a witch, if you sink you’re innocent, however you also have to deal with the the consequences.
no fuck this! i’m logging into my damn twitter account for all the adolescent girls i know who are being raped and harassed, for my 5 year old self, for my adult self, for all the women everywhere who have been sexually assaulted or will be sexually assaulted in the future. i’m doing it for the women who stand up for sexual assault survivors and are subsequently threatened with sexual assault and harassment.
I recently heard a quote that went something like, “When you meet your heroes one of two things happen. Either they’re an asshole, or they’re just like you.” Michael Moore, looks like you’re of the asshole variety. Sady, you are our hero. We look up to you because you are an example of who we are and what we ourselves are capable of. cry it out and don’t be afraid to ask for help!
Sady, you are fucking magnificent.
This matters.
this was so powerful, it made me cry. I have been wanting to tell you for months now that you are awesome and that you changed my life, Sady. I remember when I first found your blog and laughing at first and then just reading and reading until my eyes burned and my back hurt because what you had to say was so compelling. It was through you that I found other websites, ones that convinced to pick up my teaspoon and start my own battle one person at a time. But it all started with you. Thank you so much for all that you do, Sady. No matter what happens you convinced me that I matter long before today.
Oh, and get that boy to give you a back/foot rub. Always, always helps me.
Also — since my paycheck hasn’t come yet, I created a Twitter account. Tweeting loudly away.
“the first duty of a revolutionary is to survive.”
That said, I have had similar freaking out yet extremely coherent breakdowns while simultaneously holding down sexual assault survivor support & perpetrator accountability at fucking anti-globalization protests, of all places and people who should be comrades. So yeah, when what we are fighting for is survival, if this is where you need to be, then this is how you’re doing that revolutionary act.
Solidarity. Thank you.
Sady you are so amazing and strong to keep doing this. I don’t now how long I could with the stuff people put you through right now. But I stand outside that tower with you as best as I can.
This post is fucking amazing. I couldn’t do what you are doing. I applaud you.
If you ever need somewhere to guest post you are very very welcome to post on my blog.
Look after yourself – you can keep fighting longer if you take care of yourself.
You are fucking amazing.
Rock the fuck on, Sady – but do remember that thing that volunteers must all learn at some point, that the first rule of caring for others is “care for yourself first”. It’s like medical professionals using protective devices while doing their work – if they become ill, they can’t do their jobs, so they must do what they can to protect their health.
Similarly, you can’t do your work without looking after your health. Get the food you need, get the rest you need, and enlist volunteers to help you with the constant tweeting.
Know that we in the feminist blogosphere are watching, and we’ll be writing about it when we can.
You are incredible. After reading your tweets and some of the other #Mooreandme tweets my point of view on this whole case has shifted greatly. Please continue to be as strong as you are, and know that we have your back.
You are, in a word, awesome. I’ll add my voice to the throng saying that you should be careful not to burn yourself out, in the full knowledge that I’m a big hypocrite and would be doing exactly the same thing in your position.
Solidarity.
Amazing what you are doing, some of us have seen this lousy movie before, if you are a younger person you may wish to familiarize yourself with the facts of the Ira Einhorn case. He was a lefty icon whose girlfriend went missing in 1977, same song and dance where Hollywood types and rich powerful people rushed to his defense and claimed he had been framed by the man. Turns out he had murdered his girlfriend and stuffed her body in a trunk in a closet. He skipped bail and lived in Europe for 16 years before he was brought to justice. I would like to believe Assange is a freedom fighter victimized by a diabolical CIA plot, but I’m old enough to know better, and so is Michael Moore.
Sady, know that you are not alone and there is a legion of people behind you! Stay strong and speak truth.
The “progressive” man who raped me faced no consequences for what he did.
Thank you for standing with me. Someday I hope to be as strong as you.
You’re being really strong. I’m in this too, for all of us, including the ones who somehow still don’t get it, because ghod knows I didn’t used to get it and so I’m trying to help them get it, but it is so hard. Sisyphean. Otherwise intelligent people seem to want to believe all this bullshit and they want to derail and talk about how consent is confusing and “Do we have to follow Antioch rules?” Um, MAYBE? And Maybe that would be kind of hot??? I think??? Thank you for your writing. Please take care of yourself.
Sady, thank you for all your work. Not just the #mooreandme campaign, but for all the writing and fighting you have done since starting Tigerbeatdown. Stay strong and take care of yourself. You are not alone, and you did good by all of us, who are backing you in what you have to say.
You matter too. Stay well and do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
You matter too, Sady. Please, please, PLEASE don’t forget that. Letting this tear you down is just another way that the fucking trolls win. Fight like hell, but look after yourself so you can keep fighting.
Thank you for being the voice that doesn’t, won’t, go away. You’re not alone in this.
I don’t have a Twitter, but I’m writing Michael Moore an email every day until he apologizes and explains.
Take care of yourself, Sady. If you’re hospitalized for exhaustion, you won’t do any good for anything.
For what it’s worth, you’re my hero, and your MooreAndMe posts always make me cry.
Christ, I’m crying and crying now. I wasn’t up until the ‘you matter’ paragraph. But I was raped and didn’t report it, because he was my boyfriend and it wasn’t violent, he’d coerced me into consenting and then I realised I’d made a mistake, told him to stop and he didn’t. He kept at it until he finished, with me crying and begging him to get off me but not punching him or screaming because he was my *boyfriend* and this couldn’t really be happening.
And when people found out it caused a huge schism in our little community because ‘he was such a nice guy’ so it couldn’t possibly have been true. Rapists are monsters with red eyes. Or at least creepy perverts who hate women. Doesn’t everyone know that?
I have no idea at all if the allegations are true or not – a trial would (hopefully) determine that. I am on the freedom of speech side of the whole Wikileaks thing, but I am on the ‘two women may have been attacked and they deserve the right to take their alleged attacker to trial without being painted as whores and having their lives ruined’ side too.
you’re amazing. we’ll keep going.
You are incredibly inspiring. Great work and stay strong
I’ve been following your blog on this, initially just because I was happy to see someone doing something about the denial from so many of the people who support Wikileaks. But this post, and the tale of the abuse you’re taking just for SPEAKING OUT ABOUT THIS, truly made me see this for, well, something beyond this particularly revolting case.
Thank you for pointing out how this ties into how our society treats women who talk about their rape. You have probably heard about this by now, but I’m leaving the link anyway:
The Assange case made Swedish feminists start talking about it.
Wow. Hang in there, Sady. You’re doing good work. But like everyone else has said, it’s good to take care of yourself too, so please keep that in mind.
I’ve had a twitter account for over a year. i barely use it, but after catching up on all of this today, i dusted it off.
You matter, too, Sady. Thank you for this.
Sady, you kick arse. Keep fighting, but please don’t neglect your own well-being. MM is a coward and I hope you’re successful with this.
Sady Doyle, I want you to know that you are my hero. And I’m willing to bet this is true for plenty of other people. Thank you for refusing to go away.
Sady, mate, you’re magic. Don’t burn yourself out.
You matter, Sady. These posts have been amazing, and what you are doing is amazing. I can’t imagine the strength you must have to weather the kind of trolling you get from these comments, but thank you for continuing to write for those of us who want to listen. I will never understand the mentality of hurting someone who has already expressed being in pain.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself – let others tweet for you while you take some time out here and there just to keep your balance.
I am so grateful for this site in general, and I totally agree with you about not letting the intimidation work. What you asked was both reasonable and easy and THEIR JOB.
Just take care of yourself, for all our sakes.
*big hug*
Maybe we should try another tactic to reach him, as well. I found a column by him entitled “My Action Plan: 15 Things Every American Can Do Right Now” where he suggests,
“I’m sure there are many other ideas you can come up with on how we can build this movement. Get creative. Think outside the politics-as-usual box. BE SUBVERSIVE! Think of that local action no one else has tried. Behave as if your life depended on it. Be bold! Try doing something with reckless abandon. It may just liberate you and your community and your nation.
And when you act, send me your stories, your photos and your video — and be sure to post your ideas in the comments beneath this letter on my site so they can be shared with millions.
C’mon people — we can do this! I expect nothing less of all of you, my true and trusted fellow travelers!”
The email he links is photos@michaelmoore.com.
Maybe he thinks that since we’re on the computer we’re faceless, not really real people, just screen names.
Maybe we should send him photos of ourselves being bold, and holding up signs that read something like, “I fight against rape culture, why don’t you” or something more eloquent or pithy.
Not sure if this is something everyone can do, but it may be another way to try to make him listen and acknowledge us.
Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you so much for doing this. Do you have any idea how beautiful this is, that you’re doing this, that you’re capable of doing this? This is such a beautiful and worthwhile thing; this is such an important fight. Thank you so much for doing this.
Thank you for your really hard work. I knew about the smear campaign against these women generally, but not specifically about Moore. Thank you for not letting it go away.
This was inspirational! Rape victims DO matter.
If you take a break, we will keep tweeting under #mooreandme until we get some damn accountability!
Sady, you are amazing. I have total faith that you can weather this epic storm of shit; easier said than done, I know!
I am with you in solidarity.
@Millicent That wiki post about how to make activist spaces safe for survivors is amazing!
I’m going to repost it. I have a friend whose rapist shows up to activist events and when her friends are there they make sure he leaves but it should be explicit that we don’t welcome known rapists who will make our spaces unsafe!
GO SADY.
You are absolutely amazing.
Sady, YOU MATTER. So much. Trillionth-ing those who say; take a break, take care of yourself. We’ll all be here, fighting this corner.
Thank you for doing this. You matter. And we are with you.
I think monologues like this in my head all the time–and then I tune myself down and out, because it’s too much, it can’t really be that big a deal, the world can’t be that fucked up, everyone’s going to think you’re the hysterical girl who goes off on her rants and tangents and is too serious all the time and talks too much about these things–basically, I tone down my anger that no one takes these things seriously, because I know they won’t take me seriously.
So it’s a great relief to see someone else say it all the way I want to say. The way I want to say it that people might dismiss as hysterical, and therefore less real or accurate. Because it matters, how else should we say it? And I know even more people are dismissing what you write right now. I hope they won’t. I need hope. I hope they won’t.
With love–and some hope for you.
*HUGS*
Thank you, Sady. I remember when I first shared my awful experience on the old Tiger Beatdown (I think the topic was the movie ‘Observe and Report’). You were so understanding and compassionate, but I remember it mostly because you said I was brave. That meant a lot, and I’ve never forgotten it.
Just wanted you to know that.
And what you’re doing? It matters. To us. The ones who are discounted, shoved aside, and told to be quiet because we disrupted a comfortable lie.
–Chai
P.S. FYI, chips and hummus are totally a meal. I eat them for lunch all the time. But please take care of yourself!
You are amazing.
I almost started crying reading this. Sady you are so brave to keep on going despite all the obstacles and heinous things that people have thrown your way for speaking up.
Oh Sady I’m crying too. Fuck this shit, fuck them for this, and I can’t fucking imagine how goddamn wrong it is for so many women to be hurt like this EVERY FUCKING DAY.
Sady, your bravery has and is inspiring so many people — and we can carry on what you’re doing while you rest. Take care of yourself and we will keep the fight going, no matter what.
You matter, we matter — and we WILL get him to talk.
Oh, yes. Oh, fucking yes.
I would just like to say that you are incredible. As someone who ended up being forced into dropping a rape charge due to half of what you’ve mentioned (albeit it on a small local level and because that person was a police officer) and was subsequently called a lying whore etc – this whole thing has struck a cord with me.
The victims of rape do matter we matter a lot and you are my hero for what you are doing.
Wow, I feel powerful after reading this. New shampoo for my dandruff filled hair will have to wait. Ah, who cares. $1.00 drug store shampoo should work just as fine.
Thank you.
We know you care, so make sure to care for yourself as well. 
Don’t worry. We’re still here.
I am in tears from how much I admire you right now.
Sady, you are superhuman.
I know you probably don’t feel superhuman, and you shouldn’t have to be superhuman, but you are.
I’m part of a small, specialized community in my city and a while back a friend of mine was raped by a prominent member of said community. When she came forward, she was abused and insulted and threatened all over the place by people who, just a few days earlier, had been saying how they would support victims of abuse if they came forward.
About six weeks ago, I was reading a feminist group message board, and someone described exactly this chain of events happening to someone she knew, and I thought “huh, this person must be someone I don’t know in my city, talking about the same thing,” but when I looked at her userinfo, she was in a different city on the other side of the country. And the next post was from someone saying the same thing happened in HER city, too, the same exact thing, and again I thought “Well, SHE must be here,” but again she was in a different city far away. And every post was the same, and I realized that the same thing was happening everywhere.
And then the Assange thing happened, and everyone I knew was talking about it, and people I liked and respected were defending this guy, and I realized it was the same thing, happening all over again, on the international stage instead of in my little community. And I felt so horrified and hopeless and insignificant and like nothing would ever make a difference.
But you’re making a difference, Sady. You and everybody here commenting with support. It’s amazing.
Well, you’ve made me braver, stronger, and even LESS caring about what anyone thinks of me for my absolute zero tolerance for rape and rapists.
You matter, you matter, you matter, Sady. If you can get some sleep, go ahead. This is NOT going away. Becuase we have your back, too.
Sady, exceptional. And a thought occurs – you and a person-with-camera maybe should look into the 14 hour road trip from NYC to Travers City, MI, which is where Moore lives. I’m surviving on fumes myself but would kick in for gas to see the through-the-looking-glass footage of the (totally important!) Little Guy just waiting for Moore to come out.
Sady, you are amazing. We’re here, we’ll tweet, we won’t stop either. but PLEASE step away from the technology for a few hours and snuggle with the bf. You need to stay sane and whole.
Your words are up there doing your work for you while you step away, the fight will still be here when you come back (unfortunately, so will the trolls). But they won’t have won just because you stepped away for a few hours. Or even a day.
I appreciate your words more than you know, and you’re galvanizing all of us, but please don’t do it at your own expense.
Twitter question:
If I’m not logged in and I search #MooreandMe, I get all the most recent tweets in chronological order. If I am logged in and I search it, I get stuff in no order I can seem to understand. Can anybody help me out with this? It makes it really hard to reply, retweet, etc.
You are a total badass, lady. I hope you can make time to rest and relax a little bit.
Also, wow, “it matters” is a very important thing to hear. It’s been a little over five years since my most recent rape experience and I am still scared to tell people about it for fear of being brushed off.
When I was 15 my school’s star quarterback raped me at a party, in a basement room after everyone but us had drifted outside. (He locked the door, which gave me a weird feeling about being in rooms with locked doors for years, because if the door is locked that means nobody can come in and it is harder to get out, right, so it must be safer to just not lock the door. Totally fucked.) When he was finished, he wiped himself off on my skirt and sneered at me that I wouldn’t tell anyone because he could have any girl he wanted, and nobody would believe me. I rationalized afterward that he was probably right, and also I had been wearing a skirt which was probably slutty, who even knows, maybe I was asking for it after all. I tried out telling the story on a couple of friends I trusted, who said exactly what I had been thinking, so I didn’t report it.
Rapist #2 was my boyfriend at the time (strike one against my credibility as an accuser). He was well-connected in our city and well-liked by everyone, and a steady upholder of his many volunteer commitments to charitable organizations (strike two). He hurt me pretty consistently when he was drunk and frustrated about some other thing in his life, but never in ways that were visible after I had gotten dressed. I had myself convinced that if I stopped trying to shove him away or squirm out from underneath him or trying to convince him that he was hurting me and I needed him to stop, it wouldn’t be rape anymore and everything would be okay. (Not putting up a fight: strike three.) So I didn’t report it.
I have been pretty fucked up about rape apology stories in the media recently, and I think part of it is that they are the same stories that I told myself about my experience and the same stories my rapists told me about what would happen if I ever said anything to anyone. But it fucking matters that these things happened. Thank you for saying so, Sady.
Also, thank you for moderating comments so ferociously! I can’t even imagine how much noxious shit must come through your inbox. (One bit of lulz: your twitter buddy Shitterly found my stupid rape bingo card and left a condescending and point-missing comment on it. Deleting it felt awesome.)
Well y’all, Since he’s been ignoring everbody, I would say let’s flood the comments on his website and crash it, but I don’t know if that would be helping him instead of us?
Any thoughts?
Thank you. Just- thank you.
What you’re doing is beautiful, compassionate, epically brave. It’s also an extraordinary burden of a task to put on one person’s shoulders.
What can we do to make it easier?
@77 I think that would end up being a less than productive use of time, although going onto his website and giving him a piece of our minds is a great idea, going there to intentionally inflict some web “hurt” on him would be agressive and lend credence to emerging narratives that cast us a self-interested or nefarious players, rather than individuals who are working to destroy rape culture.
But that is just one man’s opinion.
Sady, you matter. Victims matter.
Take care of yourself. We need you. Even when you are writing snarky fluff — sometimes life is rough enough that those laughs matter more than one might think.
Keep fighting the good fight.
You matter. Victims matter. I matter.
#Mooreandme won’t die out if you take a break, Sady. We got this.
You are incredible. Keep it up, and the rest of us will too.
I will admit to reading every one of your posts for maybe the last year or so, but I’ve never donated to the cause. I’m a student, short on my own funds, blah blah blah. But this. THIS. This is why the world needs people like you, and I will give what I can. Love, hugs, cheers and rainbows your way, darling.
Sady, please take care of yourself, too. It matters, and we don’t plan to go away either.
Thank you, Sady, for all of this, but especially for the moderating you (and, I assume, Garland) are doing. I can only imagine the kind of hate you’re seeing in moderation, and I can only imagine it because of the work you are doing. I AM GRATEFUL.
And I want to underline @82: #MooreandMe won’t go away if you take a night, or a day, or even a night and a day and a night and a day off. We got this. We will not go away.
We’re here, we’re loud, and we’re gaining momentum. Take care of yourself, Sady. If nothing else, we can stay shouting at the tower while you rest enough to rejoin us later.
I mean, the least I can do for rape apologists is to ruin their Christmas and New Years.
Oh, Sady. If only I were half as brave, a quarter as brave, as you are. I can’t tell you how many nights my roommate and I have sat up late and RAGED about rape victims, about blatant sexism, about latent sexism, about men and what they do to us and what we end up doing to each other because of it. What I can tell you though, is how many of those nights we have left the kitchen table feeling utterly, completely, and soul-crushingly powerless, because it was all of them. If I had one bone in my body a quarter as brave as you are, I would stop caring what the stupid fuckholes who attend the same “institute of higher learning” as I do would think, or do, or say, if I started REALLY talking about women’s rights, women’s issues, women’s pain and I would just fucking SAY IT and I WOULD NOT STOP SAYING IT. But I haven’t found that bravery yet, I haven’t found that strength yet. You have, Sady, and from the bottom of my heart I thank you for that. I thank you and I admire you and I support you, because you are right and you are the only one saying it: we all FUCKING matter, we all fucking matter SO FUCKING MUCH. God bless you, and know you’re not alone. <3
Thank you, Sady, THANK YOU. Thank you for doing what you’re doing and fighting as hard as you’re fighting. Thank you for telling me that I matter. Thank you for reminding me that some of the things that happened to me in my past were fucked up and just plain WRONG, even if, at the time, I accepted them as “just what happens” or “just what I deserved if I did x, y, or z thing”. 10 years ago I was raped by a man who took advantage of how much I’d had to drink. A few years later, I was raped by a boyfriend, who I’d loved, who took advantage of how little power I had, how few resources I had, how trapped I was. It is only now–literally NOW, today, this very moment–that I am able to say to myself that those instances? Were rape. They were, they just…were. They weren’t “ok” or “what I deserved” or “just what happens” or whatever…they were rape, and they were wrong, and I was always too scared to admit to myself, let alone anyone else, how wrong they were and how bad it was. Thank you, again, for doing this and for having the strength and drive to continue to fight. If I could, I would make you dinner and buy you a drink and give you a big hug and let you cry on my shoulder because you deserve that kind of comfort and care now (and always).
Just created a Twitter account. My semester ends Wednesday so I will be bugging the shit out of Moore and co. from December 23 – January 24. Straight. You are an absolute inspiration and unimaginable comfort Ms. Doyle. Thank you.
Be strong Sady, we’re with you from all over the globe. We hear your message and respect the effort it takes to spearhead this protest. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
You have no idea how much your work on this has inspired me. For realsies.
And don’t worry about taking breaks, Sady. We’ll pick up the slack.
Wow Sady! Way to keep kicking ass – #mooreandme has really taken off since I first read about it 4 days ago. Keep on keepin’ on.
Oh, and Michael Moore has always been a fucking lying fact-bending “truthiness” hack. I’m glad some of you progressive folks are figuring that out.
Take care of yourself, please. If you run yourself to ruin, they will have one more reason not to answer you.
And again, thank you.
Sady, thank you so much for doing this. You are my social media hero.
Sadie what you’re doing is amazing, I’m behind you 100%. I will be tweeting to #mooreandme forever if I need to. Haters are going to hate but I am going to tweet till my fingers fall off or until Moore apologizes.
I am so sorry these people are coming after you. Thank you so much for taking this stand.
Stay Strong. Know that you matter too!
I know this is hard, but I am glad you are doing it. I was one of those dudes parroting the “broken condom” story because thats what people were saying and it would have been so convenient for my world view if true. Then I saw your first post and was like “woah isn’t Sady jumping the gun? I thought we all agreed it was just a condom thing” but then I thought “wait, Sady is pretty on the ball, this might be one of those times I’m thinking out of privilege, I better look at these links.” And lo and behold, you were 100% right. It has nothing to do with whether Assange is found to be guilty or innocent or that I think wikileaks is hugely important; Moore and Olberman fucked up and I did too. The women needed to be treated with basic respect, and that they weren’t speaks volumes about our world. You’re very brave and that’s awesome.
For real — if this is a marathon and not a sprint, please pace yourself rather than using up all the Sady Doyle too fast.
Indeed, probably better to think of this as a relay (or tag-team) and let the rest of us take up the slack while you take care of yourself, too.
#MooreandMe stays on as long as it needs to.
But, I have offspring who are not quite old enough to read your brilliance on the internets, and I damn well want you to still be here (or somewhere) laying it down when they *are* old enough.
Your courage is admirable and remarkable, Ms. Doyle. You have shined a light on something few are able to talk about, and, judging from comments, changed lives. I am most grateful for your work, and for all those who are sharing their experiences and finding courage to speak out. LLAP, all.
P.S. As for the trolls, they deserve only colorful expressions.
Keep fighting the good fight, Sady!! You are so strong, and I respect and admire you so much. Even if Michael Moore never acknowledges us, know that just by putting your voice out there and being an advocate for survivors and women everywhere, and by encouraging donations to anti-rape organizations, you’ve already made a huge difference. You’re amazing.
And the same goes for all the supporters and participants in the #MooreandMe campaign.
Please take care of yourself. Trust the rest of us to keep things going while you rest and eat. We’re not going to stop.
thank you, thank you, thank you
Jesus, Sady. Jesus.
I’m sorry I’m late getting here, but what they said. You matter. And #MooreandMe matters, and we aren’t going to let it stop. If you take a break, we won’t let it stop. If I take a break, others won’t let it stop. It they take a break, still others won’t let it stop.
You are amazing and awe-inspiring, and it’s OK not to be a machine. There’s a lot of us out here. We won’t let it stop.
you are incredible and an inspiration and I admire your dedication so fucking much but you shouldn’t have to feel like this is entirely on your shoulders. thankfully you have a community of supporters out there who are working alongside you. take a break if you need to. stay strong!
Sady: thank you for continuing to fight. I hope we can continue to have your back, because even the person standing outside the walls yelling needs to eat and sleep.
I want to add one more link to the list of trans-friendly organizations: TRCC/MWAR, the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre/Multicultural Women Against Rape. Their herstorypage makes the inclusiveness clear.
Sady, you’re amazing. I’ll keep tweeting the hashtag, every day. Keep fighting the good fight, take care of yourself, and don’t forget to reach out for help (from your family and friends, or from us). Huge hugs. This is important, and you are a wonderful, courageous woman.
Dear Sady:
You are awesome and amazing and brave and strong and fierce.
Dear Sady,
I’ll keep this brief; after Christopher Reeve died without ever having walked again, I lost my faith in miracles. You’ve made me believe again. I’m with you, and they’ll have to shoot me down too.
There will be a lot of us with you tweeting until he says something to acknowledge what he’s done to these (and all) women. Thank you for everything you’ve done.
“If you shut down my website I’ll do guest posts at another feminist website”
I’m not exactly top tier, but mine is available, if it ever got down to this.
Actually, mine is available for reprinting everything you’re writing to get the signal out, if you wanted. It’s worth more than what I’m writing.
Off to donate.
Looong time lurker, teenaged feminist and and big fan here! I really don’t have much to say, so I won’t write a lot. Here’s the gist of it: I basically cried for the entire shout-out portion of this, due to the fact that I, like many others here, am a victim of sexual assault; the #mooreandme debacle is my first ever experience with Internet activism; I love what you’re doing so please ignore the haters. Good luck and hopefully this gets resolved before solstace.
Sady, thank you so much for everything you’re doing.
I’m one of the ones who walked away, too scared to report because the dude who raped me was a nice guy, a good guy, a popular guy. I knew I’d be blamed and shamed, and he told me I’d be blamed and shamed. So I didn’t report him.
I was left to bear the burden on my own, to carry the scars, to deal with the PTSD. I was changed, for always, while he just went on with his life.
And it makes me so fucking angry that all these years later, blaming and shaming of rape victims still runs rife. And that so much of it is perpetrated by progressives, people who are supposed to be on my side, makes my fucking head explode.
What you’re doing here is important and courageous and it matters so much. But you matter, too, so please take care.
Good work! Thank you for doing this and try not to pay attention to the hate coming your way, you do not deserve it (you deserve a medal).
Hoping for a retraction from Moore…
Fuck. Yes. You’re incredible.
Take care of yourself, you matter too.
You do what you need to do. If you don’t think you can take a break, don’t. But if you DO need one, you are NOT outside this tower alone. I’ll up my Tweets to make up for any time you lose napping. We won’t go away, Sady. We’re with you.
Sady, you are amazing. You matter, you matter so much. You’re not alone in this, we’re all standing with you.
The abundance of comments here should clearly show that you can totally afford to take a day or two off sans worry. I implore you to take care of yourself; a good activist is a rested activist.
(A hard-won lesson, truuust meee. *wry*)
Im going to de-lurk, because I really want to thank you for what you’re doing.
You’re amazing, and you’re one of the people who have created one of those spaces that keeps me sane, keeps me having the energy to fight the small every day battles of misogyny that I would just back out of eventually, because its too tiring when it feels like Im always alone, and the ocean of voices that wants to silence are too many. Your voice keeps me strong, and I want to say thank you for standing up like you do. I admire you, and while Im not a regular poster, just one more woman, I too want to tell you, that you’re not alone outside the tower. We’re with you, all the way.
I am outside the tower with my tiny internet placard and cups of internet tea. We’re not going away.
Damn, I just donated to RAINN before I saw that…
You’re amazing and I’m so proud of you (in spite of the fact that I don’t know you and have no right to be judging your actions), but please get some sleep and food and social interaction so you can continue to be amazing.
Thank you so much, Sady. Thank you so much. I’m here too.
Sady, I don’t think I’ve ever commented before even though I admire so many of the things you’ve written both here and elsewhere.
Now I’m just here to say thank you. There isn’t much else I can say beyond that; and I’ll be tweeting and retweeting along with #MooreandMe until we get a response as well.
So not only am I tweeting with #mooreandme, I’m also delurking, Sady. I’m a huge, huge fan.
I will give as much support as I can to this campaign. I urge you to look after yourself, because we do need you, us survivors, we need your voice and your commitment and your unbelievable empathy. And it would hurt us to see you hurt. So take care.
Sending all my love
You are very brave. I can barely read about this stuff without getting despairing…
I don’t believe that #MooreandMe will make any difference to Michael Moore or the many horrible people invading it. When people don’t want to hear something, they just don’t listen.
But it makes a huge difference to people who have been victims, to be told “it matters” and see that they are worth standing up for. You’ve done that for all of us, and it’s okay if you need to stop to be safe.
Sady, you are amazing.
You matter, you matter, Sady, YOU MATTER. Thank you for all that you are doing, and I wish you the strength to get through.
Sady, you’re a fucking badass.
So like, some conflicting thoughts:
a) You should take care of yourself because you’re awesome and deserve it and also mostly because you’re human and need sleep and food and time to rest.
b) Also, if this is not pressure-inducing, take care of yourself because the fact that somebody exists who can do shit like organize this protest is fucking important. Like you said, this isn’t about you, but you’re doing it, and enduring crazy shit to do it, and we need you. Take care of yourself so you can keep being awesome.
c) If you’re not going to take a break, that’s also awesome, because this protest is so fucking important. Like, if I or somebody else could shoulder the burden for you, this protest is theoretically completely fucking worth the (seriously awful) shit you’re enduring in order to do it.
Taking care of yourself is important, and also this work is important. I have no conclusion, other than to tell you that you’re awesome regardless and that I stand with you.
Thank you Sady.
Thank you.
I don’t have words for how amazing you are. I do, however, have a donate button. So I will proceed to donate…an amount that also does not convey how awesome you are, but alas, I am very broke.
after sifting through the 100+ comments on here, two things seems strikingly clear: you matter, too, and there are many people who have your back and who are in this fight with you. so if you need to take a break for self-care, for things like eating and sleeping and crying and doing anything that maybe makes you laugh for 5 minutes, maybe it’s ok. maybe you deserve it and maybe the rest of us will help carry the torch in your absence. we’re here with you; use us for support however you need.
You are a fucking heroine. Thank you a hundred thousand times for doing this, for raising your voice and refusing to lower it. You are amazing.
*applauds*
Keep the faith, Sady! I can’t imagine how much crap you’re going through at the moment to get what should be such an obvious point across, but I thank you for it.
Here’s hoping you get a proper response soon enough so that you can take a breather and get your own headspace back. Kudos for fighting the fight for us less articulate folk!
Sending every peaceful and healing thought I have your way, because I can’t say too many times how I admire your strength.
I can’t say how much I admire you. Thank you.
You’ve inspired me to dust off my twitter account (which previously hadn’t been touched since about June 2008) and send a tweet in Mike Moore’s direction. May he get off his arse and answer to the people who have been talking to him soon.
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Sady, this is my first comment here. I just wanted to let you know that I’m with you, and I feel for you.
Stay strong. Take care of yourself. And do get support if you need to.
Greetings from Berlin (Germany).
Awww Sady. Thanks for all you’ve been doing. I posted one tweet three days ago and then I went on with my life. And I’m sorry. I hit a pretty low limit with these things, emotionally, and I can only imagine what you’re going through. But I love what you do, and I can never thank you enough. It is important, and it is appreciated.
What an eye-opener… there hasn’t been the same storm here in the UK, but your post gave a glimpse of a kind of hell, of which I was unaware. I got upset when Michael Moore appeared on a primetime evening news programme, smirking away, with these allegations, and have been trying to raise the issue with all my friends. Now I will do more.
Sady, I’m almost speechless about this but wanted to tell you that I’m here rooting for you.
Just chiming in with the supportive masses to say how much I admire you and your dedication.
When I was twenty-three, I took a boy home with me. I was going through a really beaten down phase with regards to dating, and specifically took this boy home because everyone said he was nice–in fact, a friend of mine had broken up with him *specifically* because she said he was too nice (an indie rock Ned Flanders, I think was the phrase?).
Anyway: we had a few rounds of protected sex, then later, at around 4am or so, I felt him rubbing up against me. To my horror, that rubbing turned into penetration, and I slowly realized I was having unprotected sex–something I’d done with only two out of the eighteen boys I’d slept with before, something I’d only done after discussion, and with a committed partner, and when I was sure I was not putting myself at risk for a disease. Something I took very seriously was now being forced upon me without my consent.
I don’t know why I didn’t say anything–probably because I was scared, and definitely because I tried to convince myself that it was just a bad thing that I could make go away by getting this boy to agree to be my boyfriend. It never even crossed my mind to think of what happened as rape.
The short version of the story is that that experience really screwed me up for a while, and led to me making a bunch of poor decisions, like having unprotected sex with someone I probably shouldn’t have, because in my mind at least I was making the choice to have unprotected sex, and that somehow righted the wrong that had been done to me, and washed away the aftertaste of my nonconsensual experience.
I hadn’t thought about that experience in years, but then all this Julian Assange stuff came up, and people were going back and forth about how fucking a woman after a condom breaks isn’t rape, and belittling Assange’s accusers, and just proving, again and again, how unseriously this country takes sexual assault. And I’m trying not to let it destroy me, but it’s emotionally really, really hard to witness this, and all of this is just a really long winded way of saying thank you. Thank you. I cannot thank you enough for being a tireless, powerful voice. Whenever we win this, whenever you’re able to come away from the tower and live your life again, I owe you a very nice dinner. That’s a promise.
SADY you matter and you are splendid.
Sady,
What you’re doing is sooo important and I am grateful.
Please take good care of yourself; that is also a feminist act.
Sady,
Like your friend, I’ve got a couch and a laptop and wifi and not so much bad-ass pear pastries or whatever the fuck they were, but you get the idea. And I know, I fucking know, that I’m not alone in this. There’s a whole community of us who look after each other. We’re not just here to support each other when it comes to surviving rape– we’re here to support each other, period. If that means keeping up the pressure while you shower or go out for a nice meal or watch some silly crap on the tv, then yeah, we’ve got your back– because it’s all of our backs.
–
Supportish stuff said, I wanted to acknowledge that this is the most powerful thing I’ve ever read on the subject of rape. I’m not a survivor, but like everyone else on the planet, I know plenty. You’ve written some previous posts that have really gotten through to me as an ally (and potential victim, and human being), but this one is like, whoa. Everyone needs to read this post. Everyone. Thank you for writing it, and thank you for all that you do.
I am also crying. Because you are telling the TRUTH, and you amaze me. And I believe in you, but more importantly, I NEED to be standing behind every survivor of rape right now.
All I can say, over and over, is THANK YOU. And I’m still Tweeting. (And skipping some work today to blog this whole thing thoroughly, which I have not managed to do yet.)
**HUGS** for you and everyone standing up to this bullshit, for whoever wants them.
Sady, stay strong through this and take care of yourself. Even the healers and helpers need to take time for healing themselves.
What you are doing matters so very very much and we want you to take care of yourself so that you can continue fighting for the long term.
Thank you so much for continuing to speak out even when things get so nasty and cruel.
Sady. You matter. And thank you for telling me that I matter too, even though you didn’t call me by name. I love you. Take care of yourself! YOU MATTER AND WE NEED YOU.
thank you SO SO much for writing this
Thank you for everything you do. Please, take care of yourself, what you’re doing matters to so many people, but *you* matter to even more people. I’m going to go now and donate to an appropriate organization.
Hi Sady, I just sent you a donation, and double that amount to RAINN. First time for either. What you are doing is really important, and I have been using links to your blog to start important conversations for a while now. Keep your chin up. We’re pulling for you.
You’re probably the strongest person I know. You’re amazing. Thank you for writing this and take care of yourself!
I think the world would be much improved with a thousand more Sady Doyles running around the place. You rock, hon. I’m so grateful to you for all that you’ve done on behalf of survivors like me.
Keep up the great work but remember that we need good people like you, so take care of yourself! You are so brave!
SADY DOYLE, YOU MATTER. You are so brave. I am in awe of your courage. You are maintaining thought and subtlety even in the face of anguish, while also being LOUD AS FUCK, and you are amazing. You are doing something real, and you are going to be okay, and it is going to make a difference, even if just a small one. You are a community-builder and an eloquent voice of reason and you have a huge team of people supporting you, even if there are huge teams of people out there who DON’T support you. You aren’t alone. I cherish this blog.
Sady, thank you for your efforts on this.
Sady, you matter.
amazing. thank you
Btw, I’m also blogging today: More on #MooreandMe (trigger warning for discussion of the same things discussed in this post).
Just donated $50 to RAINN.
xoxo
Thank you.
You are doing something worthwhile and there are tons of people out there, men and women, me included, who are rooting for you and who are inspired by your refusal to back down.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey Sady, long time lurker here.
This week I wrote about my sexual assault on my new blog. The man who did it is the son of my university’s president, and when I tried to report his abuse, nothing got done. And I was so traumatized by the assault, and so afraid of getting trouble at this very religious school, that I kept my report limited to the psychological abuse. I mentioned the sexual aspect very briefly at the police, and even then I was afraid to do so. Meanwhile, the man who tried to rape me was given a job on campus.
I saw him the other day, walking downtown like he hadn’t a care in the world. And he saw me, and kept on walking. So I wrote about it. And according to his friend that posted on my blog, I am a delusional liar.
So I thank you. I thank you more than I know how to adequately express.
Thank you so much. You are a hero. Stay strong.
Thank you for what you’re doing. And please take care of yourself. We need you.
Sady, *YOU* matter.
What’s sad is that you don’t have to be raped by somebody important or somebody popular to have your rape discounted. I know. I was raped by nobody special, and when my supportive friends talked me into reporting it to the Resident Assistant, I was summarily talked out of it going any further because we wouldn’t want to ruin his life, would we? And, yeah, I pretty much didn’t matter. And I didn’t matter for the next ten years. And I still find it hard to believe that maybe I might matter? A little bit?
Thank you for this. God, I’ve been screaming something similar to this in my head for YEARS while I try to maintain composure and not become FRENZIED. Fuck that noise. I’m angry. Angry like the men in this situation who are pissed off their little man friend (or just some dood) might be made uncomfortable for a little while.
I’m out there in the cold with you. We all are. Thank you for this.
Sady, you really are incredible. Just, unbelievably brave, tireless, determined and unwavering. You make me want to be a better progressive. I was afraid to join the tweets because I didn’t want to be harrassed, but I saw what you put on the line and I jumped in, head first.
Considering how many people have taken up the baton, I hope you manage to take some time to yourself and recharge.
This is really one of the most powerful posts I’ve ever seen. As a rape survivor, your actions mean more to me than I have words for. I would cry, had the PTSD from the assault not broken my ability to sob when feeling great emotion. There were days following my rape where I felt like I was losing my mind because I had been through something so catastrophically life changing and nobody cared. I felt like nothing and nobody, the most unimportant person imaginable. Today I realise that we’re not alone, we survivors and allies, quiet and ashamed. Not anymore. We’re coming together and looking after each other.
I couldn’t ask for better advocates. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for raising the flag (as Bjork would say).
Created a Twitter just to join the protest! Thank you Sady.
Sady, you fucking rule. So very much. This morning, I gave money to Wellington Rape Crisis, because of you. It means I won’t get new shoes for Christmas, but it’s a small price to pay.
Rock on, look after yourself, and know that you have SO MUCH support.
You have a lot of people behind you, I hope you know that.
It’s sad when liberal icons turns this way, making a big conspiracy case of something they don’t know anything about. Somewhere in Sweden two women must feel they have the whole world against them.
An army of Assange supporters reads every blog post the women have made in their life and try to find an explanation “why”. How come they got involved in the smear campaign, is it CIA connections, feminist agenda, revenge. Because a hero like Assange could never do such things. No, there must be a hidden agenda.
Oh, and one of them did not act like a woman is supposed to do right after a rape, she was caught smiling a couple of days later.
I did expect this from perhaps Glenn Beck, but not Michael Moore.
Thank you Sady. This is both infuriating and inspiring. You are a hero, truly. But please don’t forget that self-care can be a radical act too. If you take a break once in a while, I’m sure things will keep on. So many people here have said so.
Thanks for saying what I’ve never been able to. After reading, I feel a little less alone.
just donated $20 to RAINN and posted on twitter. Will be blogging it later after my epic day of flying on planes in blizzards (if I am still alive). I STAND WITH SADY DOYLE. Also I just want to say that reading all these comments makes me feel like I am a member of a community and not just some crazy person. I love all you dudes.
Fuck yes, Sady Fucking Doyle. FUCK YES.
Keep up the good work! Hang in there – you have many supporters! Progressives need to fix this problem in the movement – misogyny is oppression, dummies!
Thank-you, so much, for this.
Your strength and determination are truly inspiring.
Thank you so, so much for doing this. You’re truly amazing.
Sady. Fucking. Doyle. We will be here for you and we will be here fighting with you. I love you and all the awesome commenters on here. It’s so fucking amazing that you have stayed strong through all of this.
Put this up on plurk. Hopefully, this will spread out there. This needs to be said, for crying out loud!
You matter. I love you, I sit crying too (and have for the past several days, off and on). You matter. You help me remember that I matter, too.
Thank you Sady. A thousand times thank you. Take care of yourself, we’re all here with you.
Sady.
I have followed your blog silently for months, silently encouraging your righteous eloquent anger and passionate, logical rage.
I’m coming out for the first time from the protection of the anonymous internet to tell you how much your brave and unapologetic voice matters to me. After reading this post I had an intense discussion with my partner about Christmas and that all I wanted for Christmas this year was a donation to RAINN in your and #mooreandme’s name, instead of whatever small thoughtful gifts we were planning to get each other. As soon as we figure out what we can give, I’ll re-post with the total.
Dammit, you matter. Whenever I get discouraged about being a lone voice screaming in the wilderness, I find a place like Tiger Beatdown that reminds me I’m not alone. I’ll continue to scream and fight alone in the woods if I have to, but to know there is someone, anyone, willing to do the same…..just. Thank you. Thank you. Dank u veel. Do not give up. Do not retreat. We count on you. We love you.
You are such an inspiration Sady. Take as much time as you need; you matter too. You have people who support you and have got your back.
Don’t let the bastards keep you down.
Firstly… Thank you. Thank you so much.
This post means everything to me, and to anyone who has ever been assulted and not reported because it is word against word.
You are amazing.
You are also human love, and can only tolorate so much for so long.
Can I suggest a monitoring buddy?
When my stalker was sending me abusive messages my Dad would clear my phone, fax, emails etc and store them in case of needing to press charges.
Can you give a close friend (perhaps not partner – you probebly need them a bit distanced) access to your accounts, they can forward the abuse onto another account and delete them so you dont have to see them.
Its what celebrities do.
Fuckwits will always exist, and 99% of them havent got the nads for follow through on threats, so hearing them spew abuse is pointless.
Kia Kaha.
SN.
x
Hi Sady. Just wanted to add my support and say that you matter. You are awesome.
Dear Ms. Doyle,
You are single-handedly, ever so slowly, convincing me to dip my toes back into these fatiguing waters of sexual politics.
You have my support an encouragement.
Thank you so, so much for this. You are absolutely amazing and you are doing the right thing. I don’t have Twitter but I’m going to make an account just for this. Again: thank you, and stay strong. This is the good fight.
Sady, you’re brave for taking on these assholes. You’ve got my support.
you are an AMAZING, INTELLIGENT woman and this fight is WORTH DOING.
i would stand out there with you if i could get there.
WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS SO IMPORTANT.
I joined twitter just to support this effort. Thank you, from a survivor of multiple rapes.
Thank you for doing this, Sady.
I’m with you.
Love and support, lady, love and support. We’ll keep boosting the signal.
You’re amazin. Total twitter/activism novice: how can we help?
@194: Tweet messages to @MMFlint (This is Michael Moore’s Twitter account) and @KeithOlbermann with the hashtag #MooreandMe. Have a conversation with them. Tell them that publicizing the names of women accusing a powerful man of rape was wrong. Remind them that these women are now receiving death threats, that they are now in jeopardy because of Assange’s supporters. Ask them to apologize, to speak to us, to acknowledge that we even exist. Remind them of the many times they have asked us to stand up to the powerful in the name of people who could not defend themselves. Ask them to donate to a charity that helps rape victims in crisis. Donate if you can and encourage others to do the same.
There’s a lot of things I thought about writing here, but you’re really busy doing something important and meaningful, and so maybe if I get to the point of everything else I could say it will do you more good:
You’re one of my heroes, Sady Doyle, because you are brave and you care, and maybe those don’t sound like such big things, but they are. Your voice is amazing and important and helped save my life, and I kind of wish that last part was hyperbole, but it’s not.
We’ll keep protesting and fighting and refusing to shut up, and doing all of this work with you: I just wanted to take a few sentences to support you right here. Thank you so, so much, and I promise we won’t go away either.
At the end, where you said, “We’ve received reports that RAINN partners with organizations that deny services to trans women who’ve been raped, so because trans women, YOU MATTER,” is when I started to cry. Thank you, thank you for remembering us. I’ve been with you from the start, I fought a herd of trolls on Reddit over this, and I’m with you now. Please take care of yourself, you matter too.
Thank you, Sady. Thank you.
Drop us a line and let us know how you’re doing! Please take care of yourself.
They’d better fucking listen. We’d better not lose someone as strong as you.
Thank you Sady. You are amazing. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you Sady. No one has ever said it as beautifully as you. I matter. You matter. I cried as I read that paragraph because despite the support I’ve received, no one has ever stripped it down the bone like that.
Fuck them. Fuck all those rapists and rape apologists and bullies who make us feel like shit, who make us feel like it’s all in our heads, like there’s something wrong with us for speaking out about this, for being raped in the first place.
All my love to you Sady, for standing up to them.
I’ve spent a lot of time this week saying “I wish I were as intelligent/well-spoken/brave/awesome as Sady.”
I’d spent a lot of time saying it before, too.
I was just going to email you a private note of support, because I tend to lurk a lot, but it’s important to add my voice pubicly here. We have to stand up together.
I’m with you, Sady, and so is my whole family. We’ll keep fighting.
Take care of yourself, please.
Thank you, Sady. You’re very brave, and I support you.
Thank you for this. I just signed up for Twitter (and after reading ten or so tutorials) sent my first tweet ever @MMFlint.
What you are doing is important, and incredible, and I stand with you. And if you ever should need a couch in Indianapolis, my wife and I would be proud.
This post is so powerful and so beautiful. It brought me to tears. You are so brave. You matter so much to me, even though we may never meet. I am just so glad there is someone like you in this world.
Thank you Sady. so so much. We need you.
They are so angry because we are right and we are powerful even when it may not feel that way. Were we not, they would not be scared.
Powerful men should not rape. When they do, there should be consequences. For some reason, powerful rich White men are apparently afraid of people who say that.
i’m still looking for a local anti-rape organization that serves trans* and cis male and female survivors (i’m not comfortable supporting any organization that would turn away any of the survivors i know.) For now i’ve made a donation here; i hope that you know your work is valued.
Thank you for this post and the work you’re doing – your readers are behind you, and thousands of new readers who don’t even know what a blast it is to hang out around Tiger Beatdown all the time, even when you’re not fighting the arrogance of two entitled, privileged jackasses. xoxoxox
You’re doing great. It’s appreciated, keep it up. It’s the most important thing you could be doing. Rock on, fucking preach girl.
Have you seen this? http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/12/17/929634/-Dear-Government-of-Sweden-...
I sympathize with your position and I hope matters progress in a helpful way. It seems like there’s a lot of misinformation out there that people can easily get caught up in during their search for justice, and I suspect this is part of what has happened to people defending Assange: a quest for transparency derailed into trying to either justify rape or discredit the accusers. It’s sad, but in some ways understandable, given how flawed we all are as humans. Nobody wants to admit that the complexity of the world might interfere with their own supposed moral high ground.
I hope you get a break. Sounds like you could use one. Righteous fury can be a very exhausting thing, and for the sake of your health and peace of mind I hope you can channel it into something a bit more sustainable in the days ahead. Best wishes,
Long-time reader, first time commenter here.
A-fucking-men, Sady. This post is beautiful. THANK YOU for everything that you are doing.
Found one listed on the Mass. Transgendered Coalition website:
http://www.rcsglinc.org/
Donation made.
Thank you for this. I have never discussed my sexual assault with anyone close to me, in fact I have never called it that before.
I want to just type it all out here, in fact, I have started a few times and erased it: this is aloud as it’s ever been allowed to be. I would have never thought to contact the police; we were friends. He knew I was promiscuous. He was mentally abusing me on a regular basis. We are still friends, part of the same group. You could tick all those ‘not rape-rape’ boxes, if such things could be simply summed up and placed in a box.
I never believed that someone else would stand up for me and call it rape, too. Thank you so much.
Wanted to say via twitter, but can’t with my name attached. I’m still afraid of those who won’t take me seriously, who will judge me. Your campaign is helping me start to face those fears. What you’ve done this week matters so very much. Thanks.
Sady, you are an incredible badass. I knew that before #MooreandMe started, but you’ve proved it tenfold. Take care of yourself and stay strong! And thank you for your amazing efforts!
You are a strong a powerful force for good. This convinced me to get a twitter just to carry the torch so you good ladies can sleep. If you’re a rape apologist, you’re nothing but a force for evil. Bless you.
$10 to Boston Area Rape Crisis Center (“BARCC assists thousands of sexual violence survivors and their families, friends and communities each year, regardless of sex, gender identity, race, physical/developmental disabilities, income, ethnicity, class, religion, or sexual orientation”), $10 to Sady.
Thank you. I cried too, reading this.
I’m listening, and you’re brilliant and brave and strong, and this is indeed crucially important work. I’m doing what I can to spread links to your posts about this.
Every time I try to talk to someone about something that another person did to me, so that I don’t have to think anymore about that, they refuse to say nice things, say it’s the past and doesn’t matters, or that it was my fault to begin with.
Even my mother.
Sometimes, I read on personal development blogs that it is always your fault, whatever mean things people do to you.. Bullying, rape, or more “light” things, especially from people like your teachers or stuffs.
Even if it was constant and you tried to defend yourself, and it didn’t worked or you were punished for that!
I guess from that derives most of the pro-rape ideas.
If anybody talk to me like I talk when I remember these things, even if this person isn’t talking, saying a word, but only crying or even doing a panic attack I’ll try to be empathic and talk to her.
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“I was raped by a “progressive” man who faced no consequences for what he did to me. I hope my progressive brothers will stand with me and with other rape survivors.”
That’s what I just wrote on my Facebook wall, and I’m frankly terrified of the fallout to come. You’ve inspired me to name this awful thing, Sady. I’m scared but I’m doing it.
(((Hug)))(((Hug)))(((Hug)))(((Hug)))(((Hug)))
Hang in there!
We’re behind you.
Just to say that you are right, and you are fighting a good fight, and I admire you.
I never thought I’d have a Twitter account, but here I am at 1am signing up and sending my first tweet.
And though one of my cards got refused at the supermarket checkout yesterday, I’ve made a donation to your blog.
Please take care of yourself Sady. I only found your this summer, but the impact it has had on me is little short of life saving.
My whole adult life I have been struggling in secret with the aftermath of a childhood rape.
12 months ago it all became too much and my life came crashing down, and I’ve been slowly picking up the pieces ever since. It seemed like an insurmountable task. Well, reading your blog has done more for me than any counselling or medication could ever do.
4 months ago I began training as a support worker for survivors of sexual abuse. I honestly don’t think I’d have found the strength to do so this year if it hadn’t have been for the writing of yourself, Garland and your many incredible commenters.
Though we will never meet, you have been the best of friends to me! You matter so so much.
So as I prepare to spend this Christmas week alone, snowed-in and full of Baileys, I am planning a tweeting frenzy!
Sady, you’re amazing. For every hateful email you get, I hope you get 20 more that send you love and thanks. Please please please take care of yourself, or we will take care of you for you.
xoxo
Sady, I’ll keep tweeting while you go out and relax for a bit.
Rape culture wants you to stay home and feel like shit, but I don’t. Thank you for this important work.
Simple fact: you are my hero.
You are so amazing!
LUV U
Sady, you are fucking amazing, and a for-reals hero. Take care.
<3's, Sady, thank you, I am with you 100%. So much love and respect.
ANON @216: Having multiple sexual partners does not make you “promiscuous.” That is a rape culture concept.
And if you slept with every single person in your neighborhood, your “friend” still had no right to rape you.
You are awesome. <3333
PS ANON @216, Hugs if you want them. WE STAND WITH YOU.
Many many thanks and my best wishes for you and all the persons you are speaking for. This post made me tear up and has motivated me to go forward and spread the word on this campaign. Know that there’s lots of people here with you, and they will do whatever it takes to keep this going.
Oh thank you Sady for fighting even though I know you have raced past the verge of collapse as well as the event itself, and I just hope you know that I (and so so so many others) stand in solidarity with you, and the trolls and the haters are not only trolls and haters but so many of them are genuinely disturbed by the issues you have raised and pressed and articulated. And someone who has not had many opportunities in one’s life to be seriously and profoundly challenged is likely to experience the kind of engulfing disquietude that won’t go away until you publicly say SORRY I WAS SO WRONG WHAT A STUPID BITCH I WAS TO EVEN SUGGEST ANY WOMAN HAS A RIGHT TO ACCUSE A MAN OF RAPE ESPECIALLY A MAN AS IMPORTANT TO THE FUTURE OF OUR SOCIETY AS JULIAN ASSANGE AND ACTUALLY EXPECT SUPPORT AND RESPECT!
And I know you and many other people in solidarity with you are kick ass and won’t succumb to that, but I just hope you know that because the work you do lifts my heart and makes my heart full sometimes I forgot to express that adequately, especially when I realize how willing the other side is to attack and harass, perhaps partially out of a deep fear that you might actually be speaking some damn truth!
Much love and solidarity. xx
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
A girl from Spain.
This is the first time I have ever been to your site but I will start to read in the future as well. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for bringing attention to the fact that even people who do well in some parts of their lives AREN’T SAINTS. Wikileaks might be important but that DOESN’T mean Julian Assange hasn’t done something wrong. Shame on Michael Moore. Shame on all the trolls who have written nasty messages about these women. They matter, you matter, I matter. I am not a victim of sexual assault, but two of my closest friends are, and neither of them reported it. This is for them.
@237 Thank you.
I didn’t know how to say it but I wake up today feeling like a survivor, rather than a victim. Sady, thanks again.
Now that it’s clearer, I do remember reporting it to a close friend. His response was ‘Oh, that’s just x being x’. Men reading: it was this response that caused me to dismiss the questions I had about consent on that occasion (there have been more since). If someone reports rape, don’t dismiss it outright (as ‘hooey’ or anything else).
I defended my attacker, have done for years. To the woman who tried to force her way into my room to try and stop it, I thought was intrusive and prudish at the time: thank you. I closed the door in your face because I thought what was happening to me was something I deserved, something that would ‘cure’ me of my bourgie inhibitions. Rape culture is so pervasive that I can only do this now, 8 years later.
I have lost cont of the amount of women I know who’ve been raped, assaulted and battered by strangers, boyfriends, friends, stepdads, teachers, ministers, co-workers. Only one reported. I was her witness in court, and the rapist walked free on a defence of ‘He’s suffered enough by being accused of this. We’re not denying as assault took place, but it did so because of cultural misunderstanding.’ (He was Slovak, and argued that ‘no’ did not mean ‘no’ there). We would later see the man who bit my friend on the face, who forced himself into our house, shopping with his family. Numb doesn’t even cover it. Our relationship fell apart and my friend blamed me for encouraging her to call the police and ‘putting [her] through that’. We still don’t speak.
The bravery and support from this community is helping me heal. You matter. Thank you so much.
I know my post is a gendered one. This is because of my experience. I much appreciate the effort you’re making to find trans-friendly survivor services.
Sady Doyle is rapidly becoming my watchword for courage.
I don’t have much to add to the outpouring of support here other than my voice to the chorus, my support, and a donation to RAINN (and BARCC, since I have a friend who works there).
Lots of people do have your back, in whatever way they can.
Thank you. Thank you for being brave, for being strong, for being eloquent, and passionate, and for standing up and speaking out, and organizing this wonderful, massive protest for those of us who can’t take on the hate-pit alone.
Thank you for fighting, Sady.
Please don’t burn yourself out in the process.
Sady, you’re my hero. Thank you.
I’ve been reading this blog for a while now and haven’t commented before, but I just have to say now that I think you are amazing. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for keeping this going. You are so strong, and I support you fully.
Sady, thank you. You are more inspiring than words can say.
Hey, don’t worry about the party. Another time. Keep on hashtagging.
Thanks for this post. I’ve been feeling isolated in a society of liberal dudes who can’t separate their hero worship of high status men out from the idea that rape is about systematic dominance and oppression (they can see it when it’s priests for some reason).
I found reading your post very cathartic.
Take care though X
Thank you. I wish there were better words than that.
for anyone in Michigan (Michael Moore’s home state, lucky us) wishing to donate to a local rape crisis center that is non-discriminatory towards the trans community (or anyone else for that matter), there is HAVEN in Oakland County.
I’d like to share a personal story, about a girl who didn’t know that she was ever allowed to say “no.” Ex-boyfriend was in town visiting a friend of his. They got plastered in his friend’s dorm room, and then he came back to mine and proceeded to have sex with me.
All I can remember thinking at the time was “don’t let him see you crying, because he always says you’re sexier when you’re crying and that’ll just encourage him.”
I cried on a male friend’s shoulder the next afternoon, but he very clearly informed me that because I’d never said the word “no,” it wasn’t rape. That was six years ago. Even after therapy, I still haven’t been able to trust anyone enough to have a relationship since then – partially because of the ex, and partially because of the friend’s response afterward.
Sady, thank you for your leadership. You are an inspiring activist. I STAND WITH SADY DOYLE!
Amazing article, well said indeed! May the protesting get some results!!
you are so amazing.
Honestly, so incredible.
Please keep doing this because we do need you and you are amazing
*stands up and applauds*
Linked by a friend. What you are doing is incredible. I could never do anything like this myself and I applaud people who can. The truth must be told. A rapist is a rapist is a rapist, no matter how famous, no matter what else they’ve done. The trolls are nothing but cowardly bastards. Hopefully you’ll be getting a lot more messages like mine because G-d knows you deserve them.
Keep up the good work, Sady. And look after yourself. There are a lot of us on your side. Remember that. x
Thank you for doing this, Sady. Donated $50 this morning to RAINN, in your name.
Standing with you, and us all.
And especially N, G, and J.
@216 – thanks for the tip on BARCC!. I had already made my RAINN donation, but future $$s will go there.
Thank you Sady! What you have done and are doing is so important–you are not alone!
You are amazing. Thank you. This made me cry.
I’m not quite ready to deal with my story, but I thank people like you for making it a safer place for people to share. Thank you.
You are amazing. Thank you for your strength.
Well I’m also a rape survivor and a blogger who loves your writing, and part of what I need besides your awesome activism is:
To know you are taking good care of yourself and have emotional support, sleep, food, showers, and fun with your friends.
Balance.
Please!
Much love and respect to you.
Thank you. You are truly a hero.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You are Sady Fucking Doyle, and you are my goddamned hero.
Very strong post, thank you for making it. Take care of yourself, you’re important. Thank you for the links to places I can donate to also.
This is your quote that sums it all up for me. “You matter because the right of a woman to make a rape allegation and not expect that she will be harassed, hurt, smeared, bullied, that matters.”
You rule, Sady.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, because it sounds like you need to hear it as much as possible: THANK YOU!!! Thank you for doing this, thank you for not giving up.
I support this because rape victims deserve to be believed. Because no one should get away with it because they have enough fame and money to make it go away.
And fuck Keith Olbermann. Sadie Doyle, you rock my world!
Rock the fuck on, sister. But remember to eat, to sleep, and to nurture yourself.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. You brought tears to my eyes. I’m not on Twitter, but I’ll do my best to keep my corner of the internet aware of this. I’ll dream about a world where Moore and Olbermann get fired for this kind of shit.
Fucking A, you awesome woman. I am in Madison, WI- a college town. Rape and roofie jokes are tossed about by woefully ignorant college students of both genders. I ALWAYS call them out on it. I get called a bitch for doing so. I am bartender. I am always on the lookout for women who need a safe ride or escort home. I want to be a superhero. I want to protect people. I had a man assault me at a local bar and I turned around and broke his nose. He actually came into my work a few days later (ostensibly to apologize to my face after he tried TEXTING me an apology, WTF??) COMPLAINING about it- he was sore, had bruises, etc. Some people even defended him. Quelle fucking surprise. I said to him, in response to his whining: “Perhaps next time you’ll reconsider assaulting a woman.” I wish ALL women would/could HURT THEM BACK. Make them PAY. Make them SEE. I guess I’m lucky he didn’t press charges against me, since that’s how that shit works. Like I hit him for no reason. I have been raped twice. Both times while I was asleep or unconscious. I am filled with rage; I fight every day. Every day. So do you. So do all women. I am so tired. I call upon my Evil Frog and Sword of Fucking Doom to give you the POWER and strength you need to persevere. You can borrow them for as long as you need. Now, go get that foot massage, smoke a bowl (if you do that kind of thing), and take care of you. Love, Doctress Julia xoxo
Sady Doyle,
from someone who just started crying in a public library
because when I was raped and assaulted and I finally admitted that it wasn’t the first time and it wasn’t going to be the last and I finally ended things and that is why he tried to kill me
by a man I had been sleeping with that was one of my roommates my roommates didn’t BELIEVE me until I would not come home for over a week and then they met with me and then they said “well, we thought you just wanted us to kick him out because you broke up with him”
and then one of my roommates admitted she had been just down the hall when he was trying to kill me and I was yelling for help and she thought
oh well they’re fighting guess I should just leave them alone
and then I never reported it because I was so scared of him and what he might do to me and I spent whole days in my room afraid to leave because I knew I could run into him anywhere and I did, as a matter of fact
and I just ran away from him and the city and tried to start a new life, but sometimes I feel like I’ll never be ok no matter how happy I am
thank you.
Thank you for sticking up for women like me. The ones who report it and the ones who don’t- because the world treats us just the same- like stupid bitches who don’t matter.
Thank you for believing we matter.
And don’t forget that you matter, too.
Hang in there. We are with you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Just thank you.
Sady, you are fucking awesome. I want you to know I’m donating $25 to RAINN and that I’m with you.
Okay, Sady, you know that when I grow up I want to be you, right?
Seriously, though, PLEASE take care of yourself. It’s true; the trolls will still be there when you get back; the fight will still be there; YOU MATTER so please take care of you in the meantime. Sleep, eat, laugh, play with the cat (borrow one if you don’t have one), etc. All those good things that make surviving and living…possible.
Email sent to MM with the subject of #mooreandme (I’m not on twitter). Thank you to the person who suggested sending an email earlier in the comment section.
And it’s funny, isn’t it? Those truly in power must be chuckling–let the progressives fighting for Assange duke it out with the women while they sit back and watch. That’s always how it goes it seems–let those not in power tear each other apart so those in power don’t have to bother, e.g. the Italians vs. the Irish and so on. And I am so tired of the women always being the group to suffer and lose out. Because how can we women be as important as DEMOCRACY? Really, people? Do we have to choose? Does it have to be a zero-sum game?
Hey there. I’ve been away from the net for over a week and so don’t understand any of this really, can’t comment on anything in particular – but I just wanted to send you a big old cyber hug because it sounds like all you’re getting is negativity and insults, so I just wanted to tell you you’re brave, and you’re fighting for something you believe in, and you’re clearly strong enough to handle all of this, and at the end of your life you’ll be proud to have stood up for yourself right now, not sat down and shut up.
Sending you good vibes! xx
Thank you, Sady. Thank you.
You matter too Sady. Thank you for the amazing job you’re doing. They can’t stop us all. We’re here.
HANG IN THERE. YOU MATTER. THANK YOU. THANK YOU THANK YOU.
I’m in total agreement and I stand in awe of your strength. I’m so angry at Moore and Olbermann I can’t see straight. I’ll do what I can to help fight.
Thank you, Sady. You’re doing the right thing.
This made me cry.
Sady, you are… awesome, just plain awesome. You matter. What you’re doing matters. I’m gonna scream this to the high heavens, spread this far and wide.
*Teaspoon salute*
Thank you. That’s all I wanted to say. You are NOT alone. All of us who are survivors stand on your shoulders.
<3
Sady F. Doyle, I just wish to say that you are awesome. I could not do what you are doing.
On behalf of someone who can count on one hand the number of his friends who have NOT been sexually assaulted…thank you.
Sady…thank you.
Thank you so much for doing this. Your entries have been moving me to tears. I don’t know you, but I love you, support you, and I hope things get easier for you. You have so much support behind you, and you are doing something really important. These women matter.
I’ve followed this for a while and never commented or posted, but I just wanted to say that you are amazing and a far braver woman than I am. And as someone who was assaulted in a bar, and when I told a friend, he LITERALLY said, “But A, you were in a bar drinking, what did you think would happen,” Sady, THANK YOU x 1000, because you are a fucking ROCKSTAR and YOU MATTER and we are all behind you 100 percent.
Fuck. Yes. You are one well-spoken fantastic human. Keep it up, you have a whole community of people who love what you do behind you.
thank you. i feel like i matter. you matter to me, too.
Sady Fucking Doyle, thank you so much for all that you do. Thank you for providing a safe place on the internet, for fighting the trolls and haters, for telling us how much we matter. Thank you for articulating what my brain has been screaming for years. You are brilliant and we need you, so please take care of yourself.
You are awesome.
If you don’t take time to make sure your physical health and mental health are all right, you’ll lose this battle. An important part of your strategy has to be making sure you can keep fighting. Find someone you trust to take shifts while you take care of yourself. Otherwise, there won’t be enough Sady Doyle left to win this fight.
You can win this fight, and you need to, but nobody can win a fight if they exhaust themselves too early. You’ve been treating it like a sprint, and it’s looking like a marathon. Change battle plans to suit that.
this post really hits home. i went 34 years thinking how lucky i had been to avoid the travesty that is rape, so much luckier than so many of my friends. then i discovered your blog and starting thinking how losing my virginity the summer before freshman year of high school to a recent graduate actually wasn’t “cool”, it was rape. or the time i woke up after a party and my “friend” was having sex with me. he was my friend right? and i was pretty drunk so…nope, rape. and the countless times i didn’t say no because i didn’t know, or didn’t feel worthy enough to think i could.
and for the last 15 years i couldn’t figure out why i just couldn’t stay sober. good friends, good family, good upbringing and i couldn’t stop numbing out on drugs when i had nothing to numb out from. 34 years old and its suddenly so clear thank you sady
Too long. Did read.
Thank you.
Thank you for this. I stand beside you.
Thank you, thank you so much for what you are doing. As an assault survivor who never reported it because she was scared, because she was ashamed, because it was going to be her word against theirs I want to offer you my utmost gratitude. Thank you, I don’t have the words to express how much this means but I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Does anyone need a troll-buster? I would be glad to help, let me know.
Thank you for this and for everything. I might be late to the party, but what you’re going through for women speaks volumes.
Thank you for all you do, for everything you say that definitely needs to be said. Thank you, Sady Doyle, I sincerely believe you reached even more people than are commenting here and will continue to reach them with your strong words.
So be sure to take care of yourself too, because the world definitely needs more people like you to stick around.
you are fucking amazing.
The actions of these people are eerily similar to lynch mobs and nazi germany. The persecution of rape victims is undeniably a hate crime, and rape an act of psychological and physical aggression that subjugates the victim in the worst of ways. Victims matter, and you give so many the strength to speak out and not be ashamed. There are still good people out there, and I hope that the toxic use of the internet to attack innocent lives will change one day soon.
You are so brave, and so amazing, and you mean so much.
Maybe you can find people to weed out the worst of the comments for you, someone who isn’t so close/they aren’t being directed at?
Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
At this point in life I don’t even think cooperating with liberal men on women’s issues will lead to anything but them having hysterical outbursts to preserve their male privilege. Unfortunately, they never learn any other mode of communication either. How far we haven’t come despite years and years of activism.
I think you are wonderful for doing this, and I salute your courage. I also hope you can stay safe; it’s not fair at all that you have to deal with all of this.
Amazing work you are doing, my thought and support is with you. Be very very proud of yourself, and every comment of vitriol you attract shows how effective you are being!
You’re brave, and awesome, and resilient. Thank you.
Stay strong, we need more people like you in the world! Thank you for raising your voice for us.
Thank you. To Sady, for speaking out and not backing down. To all the commenters here showing their support and telling their stories – I read through them all and saw so much that struck a chord in me.
I am not a survivor of sexual violence but like so many here I know plenty that are. They and others have said the hatred, belittlement and disbelief are worse than the assault itself.
This is the last and most divisive issue amongst ‘progressives’.
My story is a little different. I discovered feminism when I got pregnant, and had an abortion. It wasn’t his fault we didn’t use a condom. I wanted to be ‘chilled out’, ‘sexy’, ‘adventurous’, it was a special weekend. I thought it was fine, to take a chance for his greater pleasure. I’d just take the morning after pill. It didn’t work.
Shortly after the abortion he left me. I was falling apart psychologically, and the relationship wasn’t fun anymore. He didn’t have time for me.
And for so long I didn’t want to believe it was hurting me, because I thought that if abortion could hurt me so much then men and women could never be equal.
It was in the identity crisis that followed that I learned about social conditioning and stereotypes, that I had so unthinkingly bought into. Then I realised my whole life that I had believed, without realising, that being ‘sexy’ ‘adventurous’ and ‘chilled out’ was the only thing that had made me desirable, worth loving. So all my relationships, I’d worked hard to maintain that image, to my own detriment. I realised I’d unconsciously hated and derided women and anything I’d thought was feminine; that by convincing myself I could be ‘one of the guys’ Id been supporting the very notions that oppress women in the first place.
Suddenly with all this new knowledge I could suddenly see the gross misogyny all around me, from fellow progressives, family and friends. I learned about rape culture and victim-blaming, and that this was so much worse, so much bigger than I had ever known. And so much closer to home than I realised.
I feared to talk about my insights with them because the pain was still too great. And when I did, I got what I expected. I couldn’t face that these people who are supposed to care about me could deny my humanity in this way, so casually, so easily. And couldn’t comprehend for a single second that my outrage might be justified.
This is why it’s so divisive, for progressives and others alike. Because it’s so damn personal, and it can’t be avoided. It’s easy to be anti-racist, anti-homophobia, anti-poverty, without these issues ever truly touching our lives. But we live through gender inequality every day of our lives no matter who we are, because it’s about our fathers, our mothers, our brothers and sisters, our partners, our friends, ourselves and our children. That’s why it’s so much easier to look the other way and pretend it’s not that bad. Because otherwise you are forced to really reassess those close relationships, to reassess yourself, and that is fucking painful. What is even more painful is realising that you may have to make a choice between being alone, derided, mocked, hated, and standing up for your beliefs.
That’s what still makes me feel sick and scared inside when I try to talk about these things, when I try to stand up, 3 years later. When I post on a message board and fear the responses with dread.
And it’s people like Sady and the others here who give me hope that it’s worthwhile, that we can and must withstand the hate. Most fundamentally that we are in this together, we are not alone.
I don’t want to belittle the people here who have been telling their stories of sexual violence, I’m not trying to say my trauma was anything like yours.
I just wanted to say I understand to some degree how hard it can be to speak out, and to say thank you, all of you, for speaking out and giving me courage to do the same.
PS I just want to make sure – I am not trying to say gender issues are more important or belittle others’ battles against discrimination. For those who are personally affected by these things, I do not doubt that it is deeply traumatic and painful in ways that I don’t truly understand. I’m just saying, it’s impossible NOT to be personally affected by gender inequality.
Fuck those people. Don’t let them get you down. You’re better than them.
I thank you for your strength.
Thank you, as tears stream down my face….Thank you.